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Long Distance Relationships TIPS!

VilJaVilJa Posts: 28 Boards Initiate
edited May 2019 in Sex & Relationships
Hello everyone!

So I have been in a long distance relationship for about 4 and a half years now. It is always hard to be apart from my partner but over the years we have figured out ways to keep our relationship going and make each other and ourselves happy. I recently visited him but like always, every time I leave my heart breaks, and I cannot stand it.

I was wondering if any of you have any other tips on how to make long distance relationship work, and also how to take care of yourself, apart from communication, sending thoughtful gifts, being honest and visiting as often as possible! 

I am only able to visit my partner at long time periods like every 6 months, because he lives in Asia.


I would greatly appreciate your insights! 

Love,
Viloka

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Comments

  • MikeMike 🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,756 Community Manager
    edited May 2019
    I was in a LDR for a few years. I think it's fair to say it was successful one, too, though it had its problems like any relationship!

    Having an end in sight is really important. Knowing there will be a time when you can live together (or at least closer) can really help keep your spirits up and feel like it won't always be a case of waiting and feeling low about the distance. Unless you genuinely believe you can be long distance forever, that is!

    I would also say, don't be afraid to own your independence. Work on your social life, work on your... work, and create a fulfilling life for yourself that doesn't rely on the other person. That's probably a healthy thing to do in any relationship, but particularly long-distance where you are left in your own company the majority of the time. Equally, let your partner do the same. It's very easy to get sucked into missing your partner and talking with them non-stop, and that taking up most of your time, but it can be pretty isolating if it dominates your time.

    Definitely pros and cons with these kinds of relationships, and it would be interesting to hear what others think. :)

    Edit: and don't be afraid to find ways to enjoy your sex life (if you have one) while apart. Experimentation is good, and it's important not to neglect that side to your relationship.
    Post edited by Mike on
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  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 487 Moderator
    I've been in a few long-ish distance relationships and managed pretty sucessfully.

    I think @Mike's spot on when he talks about working on yourself outside of the relationship. That's definitely been a learning curve for me in the past. Make time for friends, pick up a few hobbies and get stuck in with school/work. At the very least, it makes the time goes faster. 

    Personally, I wouldn't rely on technology to communicate too much. Sometimes, it can be nice to write letters, send postcards, put together care packages for each other etc. It feels more thoughtful and personal than just dropping a text, but that's just me :)
    VilJa
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 999 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi!

    This is a really good question. I've never been in a LDR myself, however my older brother has been in one for the past few years so I hope I can support you with the experience I do have :) 

    LDR really can work! I think positive thinking, no matter how difficult that may be sometimes, is really important. LDR relationships allow you great space to grow your independence and become the best version of you that you can be. Of course this applies to any relationship, but I mean this in a way that the extra space could be really useful. And how exciting that there is always somebody waiting to hear about your day or your week at the end of it. It's also exciting to plan the future; to talk about the things you would like to happen, your goals and working together to get there.

    I think @chubbydumpling's idea about letter writing is a great idea. Communicating in lots of different ways could keep the relationship exciting and feel more personal. Perhaps whenever you are missing them, you could write to them about that day - that way they become a part of it. In any relationship, communication is key! 

    Best of luck with everything :) 
  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 309 The Mix Regular

    Hey @VilJa

    Have you had a look at this The Mix article: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/long-distance-relationships-2943.html

    It gives some useful tips about long-distance relationships but I definitely agree with the others - use your long distance relationship and the space it gives you to work on yourself and your social life and find things that you enjoy (and that you can show/teach your partner when you next see them).

    VilJa
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 7,558 Legendary Poster
    There are some fab tips on this thread. My boyfriend goes to boarding school a few hours away, so a lot of the time our relationship is long distance. It has definitely meant we can both remain somewhat independent, which is always good. We have our own friends, separate interests (as well as things we’re both interested in) etc. 

    I’ve also found that it has helped to build trust - with not seeing each other, it has meant we have to trust each other a lot more because we aren’t together all the time. 

    I think the one negative for me is the lack of physical intimacy and affection, but we’ve had to adapt to that and it seems to work well :) 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • SophiASophiA Posts: 59 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    My top tips would include
     
    keeping yourself busy, i always try to make plans especially for the couple of days after seeing my bf, cause i find they are the worse 

    Before leaving them arrange/ make rough plan on when you will see them next so you have something to look forward to 

    I also read somewhere that if your in different time zones its good to organise a rough time when both of you are free to have a short telephone conversation/ FaceTime everyday or however often you want - although i love the idea of letters and care packages as suggested above

    i think long distance relationships are good because you have all the great stuff about being in love and having someone who cares about you but you also have the space to continue your personal development while not becoming completely dependent on your partner, and you learn to keep yourself happy 
    independent_
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