The world would be better off without any children.

Former Member

This is a discussion that I thought might be helpful for me and others to talk about. A friend of mine gave a talk on this very title a while back and the reaction to when he announced this talk at my school were all very mixed. 

Initially I thought he was crazy because I didn't quite understand what he meant. However after attending the talk I realised that his ideas were similar if not the same as the ones I had been having for a while. 

My parents have given me the best upbringing they could possibly give me. They have worked so hard to send me to the best school, give me the clothes I like, feed me food, take me on expensive holidays and put a roof over my head. And yet there are times in which I think to myself 'Why am I doing this? What's the point? I can't do this anymore' The weight and pain I carry that are caused by my own depression and anxiety creates thoughts of suicide and how easy it would be to overdose or cut myself so I bleed to death. 

When voicing these dark thoughts to others I am often asked 'How could you do that to the people around you though? What about the people who love you?' and my answer to that is 'From a completely selfish perspective I wouldn't feel the guilt. I'd be dead'. 

It seems impossible that someone of my upbringing would end up feeling this way, but I do. And that's what the talk was about. No matter how well you believe your parenting will be, there is a still a risk, however small there still is one, where your child will end up having a mental health problem. And that's a risk I would never take. I could never take that risk. 

What are your thoughts about this? Please let me know! 

LZ x

Former Member

I’m sorry you can feel like that, they must be very difficult emotions to have to work through, but it sounds as though you are able to talk about them to people which is good.
 
My thought on this... Although upbringing can play a massive role in whether someone develops a mental health problem, i feel as though it is different for everyone and i believe someone who has had very good upbringing has an equal chance as someone who hasn’t had as good of an upbringing.
I think when it comes to mental health so many different factors can effect whether you develop a mental health problem. 
On social media you often see, what you think is people living such amazing lives and having so much more fun than you but in reality are suffering from a mental illness, for example Mike Thalassitis’s death came as such a shock, just because it looked like his life was on track, doesnt mean it was, i think this can be generalised to upbringings

I would say that there is a relatively large risk of your child developing a mental health problem but i think there is an even bigger chance of them not devloping a mental health problem and if they do, the support that is available and the support you would be able to provide for them woyld hopefully mean that they would be able to work through it. 

Former Member

Hi @ellezee, 

Really interesting post!

It sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed at the moment with lots of difficult feelings. Have you been able to get any support with some of the feelings you've been having?

Personally, the more stability in my life, the more anxious and down I become. For example, all the talk about global warming and climate change has been making me feel quite anxious about the future, but perhaps if there was a war tomorrow I would likely completely forget about it. Sorry if I haven't explained myself well.

I think a lot of the time having children with mental health problems is out of a parents control and due to different outside factors. New issues such as feeling inadequate due to social media really cannot be avoided most of the time.

I completely understand your reasoning surrounding not wanting to take the risk of having children in case they have a mental health problem, especially in an increasingly complicated world. However, if having children is something you want to do and this is the only thing putting you off, do you think speaking to someone such as a GP might be a good idea? Maybe you could talk through the possible risks involved? For some people, life involves a lot of pain, but there are some really amazing bits too which can make it all worth it.

Take care 

Former Member

Hey @ellezee

This is a really interesting dilemma! I think it's something a lot of people are afraid to talk about. 

It sounds like you're really overwhelmed right now, and that's understandable considering these are difficult emotions to come to terms with. I totally understand your reasons for not wanting children- a lot of people simply have children because it's expected of them, without seriously thinking about what kind of life they can provide for them. It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought.

My upbringing was very dissimilar from yours, involving a lot of neglect and emotional abuse, and that has definitely influenced my opinion on having a family and having children. But there are a lot of other factors for people developing mental health issues than just upbringing. A lot of the time, I think it's out of the parents' control whether or not their child suffers from mental illness. As someone who hopes to be a good mother one day, the only thing I can do as a parent is be supportive and available to my child to get them through it. 

I agree with @Past User that it could be a good idea to talk it through with your GP to find out what your options are. Personally, I've always had a good relationship with my doctor about my reproductive health and she's been nothing but supportive. Don't let anyone pressure you into making decisions- I know from experience that it can be really patronising for other parents or medical professionals to tell you that you will change your mind. 

Remember, it's your body and your mental health that takes priority. 

Take care