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Depression / Adoption

KcjsrKcjsr Posts: 1 Noob
edited April 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
Okay, this is a long one and I'd be super appreciative if you could stick with it. I'm new here. I'm 16, female and in the middle of GCSE's. I'm here because I need help and I hate asking for it. I feel like I can't ask anyone who I know and I'm hoping that by doing it on this website, I'll be able to get some help or at least find someone I can talk and relate to.

This is a bit of my backstory, I feel that it is necessary to know it to understand my point of view. I was put into foster care with my younger brother at a very young age (maybe 4ish?) due to child neglect. In my first foster home, I was bullied and harassed by the biological kids. I was there for maybe 2 years. Moved to another foster home, there for another 2 years, no problems that I can remember. Got adopted in 2011 with my brother. First 3/4 years fine. Then the depression and anxiety started to show. For the next 3 years it built up until I could no longer mentally cope. Had anxiety attacks, panic attacks, started self-harming, the occasional suicidal thought. Got pulled out of school and began homeschooling this February. 

My adoptive parents are very supportive, but I feel that due to being adopted at an older age, I don't have a very strong family connection with them. I can hardly talk to my adoptive dad and struggle to tell anything personal to my adoptive mum. I also don't want to give them anym baggage, as they have already done so much for me.
They only know what I told them last year. They have no idea that I am still self-harming, thinking and feeling suicidal or how bad it has gotten. And I don't think I can tell them now, it would affect them really really badly.

The real problem is, that a few weeks ago, I had a really, really bad day, and there was no one I could or would talk to. I had the urge to act on my suicidal thoughts, and that set me into an anxiety attack. I also self-harmed. Since then, every day I have had no motivation, struggle to get out of bed, I lack the need to eat, I rarely leave my house and every day, I have been having more suicidal thoughts and the urge to act on them is getting stronger. I don't know what to do.

Thanks for sticking through my mess, any help would be much appreciated.




Kathleen07Shauniedavcr0ck

Comments

  • JordanJordan Posts: 121 Super Moderator
    Hi,

    You’ve taken a great first step in reaching out to talk. Don’t be ashamed in asking for help, there’s nothing wrong with it. 

    It sounds like you feel your adoptive parents are supportive but you don’t feel you can reach out to them. 

    You say a few weeks ago you had a bad day and you feel there was no one you could turn to. How do you feel your adoptive parents would have reacted if you reached out to them? Do you think they would have supported you or done something else?

    Would you feel comfortable talking to people who aren’t your adoptive parents? If so, The Mix has a number you can contact if you feel comfortable enough to reach out. That number is 0808 808 4994. The lines open 7 days a week from 4pm-11pm. 

    If you are not comfortable doing that we can explore other options. 


    Kcjsr
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,909 Postholic
    Hey @Kcjsr, it's cool to have you on the boards <3

    I'm really sorry and sad to hear all this. It sounds like you've been going through a lot for a while. It's good you opened up to us buddy.

    We're always here for you if you need to chat, and I think many people here can relate to how you're feeling:) I'm struggling too, and am familiar with depression and suicidal thoughts and stuff.

    I guess you haven't seen a doctor? - it's totally okay to hate asking for help, but remember it's also totally okay to do it. A lot of people benefit from professional help, but you don't have to try it, and I also get that you may need to tell your adoptive parents about this in order to do so.

    I understand not feeling able to talk to your adoptive parents. Though about not wanting to give them any baggage, you honestly wouldn't be, and I think they'd be glad you told them and would want to support you through this x Do you think it may help to tell them? If it would be any easier, you could perhaps write a note or text explaining things?

    Sending hugs <3
    Kcjsr
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 7,365 The Mix Elder
    Heyy

    im sorry to hear youre struggling & had thoughts to suicide:(. Having no motivation can really make suicidal. Def know it makes me suicidal too:(. But im so glad you had some motivation to post on here. Hope you can see that strength. sometimes just sharing your thoughts can help you take a step back from then and make you feel less alone & there is ways out & you have options - sometimes is small steps to finding it. Did it feel any better to write this? Your adoptive parents sound supportive and while they may find it hard to hear - i think they will be happy you opened up to them and happy to be able to support you and help. Do you think? 

    Take care and hope can stay safe. <3
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
    Kcjsr
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