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ITS NOT NOT NOT FAIR!!!

sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
Im terribly sick of my family and other people calling me rude and a bully for having a go at someone who was really rude to me first and made me extremely angry. They deserve my anger and rudeness. They won't listen when i try to explain what went wrong nicely at the beginning which is what it all heat up. It depends on them how angry I get, they start it all hence have no right to be mad at me for firing at them. Why should I control myself when they won't control themselves first? I hate hearing that it doesn't matter who started it and it takes two to start, the one who started it is the one who started it and again they wouldn't listen when I tell them to stop nicely. this whole arguing and controlling temper has to work both ways so it's shouldn't be just me getting in trouble for being mad at the other person. They start it all so of course he situation depends on them. I so can't stand it when people deliberately make me angry and they go "what about how you're speaking to me?" or "now whose being the bully?" They made me be like that, testing my temper and then blaming me for having a go and being sensitive and emotional and rude. They deserve my anger and rudeness and that's that. They were being rude to me first. This isn't about doing it back or anything, it's about it working both ways and they make me angry by starting it. I can stick how they deliberately make me become like that so they can get me in trouble for being mad at them. 

I'd been having this issue at school and home since I could remember and all people did to "help" was give me behavioural therapy and not reprimand the ones hurting me at all. They were the ones in the wrong for being mean to me, it makes sense I'd fly off my handle on them when they make me angry and deserve it. Like they could have spoken to my brother for calling me dumb and insane or given my parents counselling on not to be so harsh on me but hah they targeted me instead, the victim!!!!!! Controlling and interacting emotions was not enough, if nobody knocked sense into the mean people and get them to stop their behaviour towards me. I particularly hate stupid calming techniques, the other people need to channel their attitude towards me too.

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    MsBingoMsBingo Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hey @sozforhappy,

    Its sounds like you're having a really difficult time with your family. I agree that its not ok that you're family are rude to you and get annoyed when you're rude back.

    However, when my family are rude to me, I find it easier to let it go and take some time for myself instead of reacting. I just find myself getting more worked up if I react and sometimes I say stuff I react.

    I completely agree that they should not be mean to you, but I think sometimes its easier and better for your own mind to let things go. I heard someone use the analogy of a sieve once, like you hear what people are saying, but even thought it hurts you try to let it pass through instead of holding on to it. How does that sound?

    I hope things start to get better with your family soon  <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,558 Skive's The Limit
    edited September 2023
    Heyy

    sorry that people are being rude to you!:(

    you say they deserve your angry and rudeness. But why? Surely if they are that rude they dont deserve any of your time or energy.  And you dont deserve to get yourself worked up over it. Sometimes people are rude just for a reaction. It doesnt make what theyre doing any less wrong tho. But it would make you the bigger person to handle it bettee tbh. If i got rude to every rude person who was rude to me i definelty wouldnt still be working in retail lol. And its something you have to get used to. We should not have to tolerate rudeness but there are better ways to handle it then just being rude back

    i know this is probably not the sort of response you wanted but hope you appreicate my point of view
    Post edited by JustV on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    I'm not intending to be argumentative but I have my own good/bad definitions. So if the mean person deserves a piece of my mind they deserve it. They have no reason to purposely be horrid to me to start it all when I never do anything directly or intentionally or at all to them. (I don't want to be told that no one deserves fury regardless of what they do and I have no reason to be that way either particularly when what they did or say was deliberate as if the situation is my fault).

    Come to think of it I even get called the hurter when I so much as tell on people to the ones in charge like a teacher and saying I'm snitching rather than dealing with their taunting and moaning I never do anything to them and I'm the one that gets emotional for no reason. I especially hate when people do that to get me in trouble (my brother said that to the social worker, no wonder they only focused on me and not me). Plus sometimes I'm the only one who gets told off for having a go at siblings/classmates when I never caused the argument and nobody even says anything to them for what they did to me and whoever's telling me off wouldn't listen to that! Even if I try to speak in a polite but firm way and not say shut up or anything like that and simply tell them to stop they call me rude.
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    sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited April 2019
    In the perspective of many people will try to test my temper and spark anger out of me it's a whole different matter outside, I can always report to the ones in charge and keep out of their way easily. It's a lot worse when they live under your roof and are part of your family cuz they can bother you 24/7 and there's no running away from them and feeling that they know you all too well gives them more of an oppurtunity to annoy you, that's the whole reason I want to live by myself later and have no family, no matter how "bored" or "lonely" you'd think I'd feel. I don't want to hear that I "let" people bother me, they let themselves! Honestly, behaviour in society ought to change, by noticing people's "tolerance" limits.
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    sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    *they never do anything to me
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    sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    It's not about being rude back it's about how people being nasty make me feel. People being horrible to me deserve for me to show exactly how I feel whether it's direct confrontation or getting someone else to speak to them on my behalf and often when they make me seriously angry and annoyed it's only natural I come out as "rude" and argumentative and it rises up when they carry on contradicting me. See they do start it and the situation does depend on them so it's not only me who should learn to control myself now is it? They must understand how their behaviour makes me feel and think of how I'll react before harassing me.
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @sozforhappy

    I can hear your frustration and I hope you are at least feeling a little better after writing this all out? Sorry to hear people are making you feel that way. You're right, it's not only you who should 'learn to control' yourself and I know how difficult it is to 'rise above' things that anger you. But do remember to look after yourself <3 do you have any hobbies or anything you can do when you're feeling this way, that might help destress? For example when I get angry I like to watch silly YouTube videos to try and forget about anger and relax. Keep talking here if it helps too, we're here for you. 

    All the best

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    Mama_U660Mama_U660 Posts: 11 Settling in
    Hi @sozforhappy
    i know how annoying it can be when they dont listen and im so sorry this is happening to you. When this happens to me i try not to react and write all my feelings down in a note and give it to my mum or my social worker. This way u wont get riled up and its more likely to work because your face not face to face with them. If you do try this make sure you write all your feelings down so they know exactly whats happening. 
    Make sure you take care of yourself though.  <3
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    sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Plus I hate being told that it takes two to start a fight. Well its not me doing the harrassig and winding up in the first place was it? I can be as upset and sensitive as I like being the victim. And like I said the person who started is the person who caused it so it does matter who started it ok??!!!!!
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    sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited May 2019
    I'm not intending to be argumentative but I have my own good/bad definitions. So if the mean person deserves a piece of my mind they deserve it. They have no reason to purposely be horrid to me to start it all when I never do anything directly or intentionally or at all to them. (I don't want to be told that no one deserves fury regardless of what they do and I have no reason to be that way either particularly when what they did or say was deliberate as if the situation is my fault).

    Come to think of it I even get called the hurter when I so much as tell on people to the ones in charge like a teacher and saying I'm snitching rather than dealing with their taunting and moaning I never do anything to them and I'm the one that gets emotional for no reason. I especially hate when people do that to get me in trouble (my brother said that to the social worker, no wonder they only focused on me and not me). Plus sometimes I'm the only one who gets told off for having a go at siblings/classmates when I never caused the argument and nobody even says anything to them for what they did to me and whoever's telling me off wouldn't listen to that! Even if I try to speak in a polite but firm way and not say shut up or anything like that and simply tell them to stop they call me rude.
    *moaning they never do anything to me

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