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I hate being the eldest soooooo much

sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
edited April 2019 in Sex & Relationships
I so can't stick being oldest even now I'm grown up! Not only am I the oldest sibling but I'm also the oldest out of my cousins. It's the biggest burden in the world!! I'm sick of having the most responsibility and getting picked on because of it; having to be a bloody example to everyone no matter how emotional I get, getting the blame for arguments and troubles because I should "know better", always being expected to do better than everyone like having to be the first to wake up early for morning prayer or being expected to speak out on the most, getting told off for what the younger ones get away with like doing things slowly or sitting idle doing nothing. It's not my fault if I swear or curse or tell someone to shut up, someone or something makes me do them by bothering me (don't say nobody can "make" you do things, that's exactly how it is, they make me like it and deserve it), I can't stand how the younger ones deliberately make me angry like that so they can get me in trouble. Or when they go "oh why doesn't she do the tidying up, she's the oldest." I hate most when people rub expectations of the oldest child in my face too.

At least I get to be the first to leave home and go to uni and have a job and all those other cool stuff. Why should I be grateful for a family when they treat me unpleasantly, it's hateful to be grateful! Don't get me wrong, I adore my little sister and cousins, but being the eldest is just pooh! (I discussed in another post a highly possible reason I tend to want to be friends with people a bit older than me particularly back at secondary school out of having no older siblings or cousins but no one seemed to want to accept that either). I mostly hate my parents for having this attitude and emphasising my being the eldest to other people so they can annoy me about this too (I'm still holding grudges against teachers for saying this expectation of me too during parents meetings).

Comments

  • VilJaVilJa Posts: 28 Boards Initiate
    Hello @sozforhappy

    It seems like you might be getting overwhelmed with all the expectations that people seem to have from you. I can see that you are really bothered by this and it is justified to feel this way. It seems like you're feeling like you're being taken for granted and I'm sure that's frustrating. 

    It can be really frustrating to see your younger siblings get away with much more than you could, I understand because I am the oldest too, and the only way I have been able to deal with it is by taking the high road, and instead of giving your parents the satisfaction of being able to change your mood, maybe you could show them that you can be mature and handle it?  This will not only surprise them, but it will also get them off your back, and what's more ? its good for your personal development in the long run. Being able to take these responsibilities is in no way easy but when you do you'll be surprised how good you feel about yourself!

    If that doesn't work for you, do you think voicing your concerns about how much pressure you feel, to your parents would be helpful? Maybe you can show them your perspective and have a conversation and see where they are coming from? Maybe you could tell them to be a little easy on you because you are finding it difficult to deal with?

    I appreciate the fact that you are able to look at the positives of the situation like getting leave home first and going to uni and having a job. I think that is a great way to not only distract you from all the troubles you're having but also to shape your future by making plans and taking things into your own hands. Although being the eldest feels like a great burden and responsibility, it is important to find ways to reap the benefits of it too. I am confident that you will find a positive and productive way to deal with this.

    Hope this helps! Please feel free to write back, so we can chat about this some more!  =)
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    Hey @sozforhappy

    @VilJa gave a stunning reply which I think is spot on. 

    I can't relate completely but, as an only child and the oldest of many cousins, there was a lot of responsibility placed on me (my grades had to be perfect, I had to set an example, I had to get into a good uni etc) from a young age. That pressure only got me so far, so I think you're a lot braver than me to challenge your family about it at such a young age. It took me a long time to carve out my own plan rather than follow the one my relatives had for me. 

    I totally think you'll get through this and find your own way. 
  • sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    VilJa said:
    Hello @sozforhappy

    It seems like you might be getting overwhelmed with all the expectations that people seem to have from you. I can see that you are really bothered by this and it is justified to feel this way. It seems like you're feeling like you're being taken for granted and I'm sure that's frustrating. 

    It can be really frustrating to see your younger siblings get away with much more than you could, I understand because I am the oldest too, and the only way I have been able to deal with it is by taking the high road, and instead of giving your parents the satisfaction of being able to change your mood, maybe you could show them that you can be mature and handle it?  This will not only surprise them, but it will also get them off your back, and what's more ? its good for your personal development in the long run. Being able to take these responsibilities is in no way easy but when you do you'll be surprised how good you feel about yourself!

    If that doesn't work for you, do you think voicing your concerns about how much pressure you feel, to your parents would be helpful? Maybe you can show them your perspective and have a conversation and see where they are coming from? Maybe you could tell them to be a little easy on you because you are finding it difficult to deal with?

    I appreciate the fact that you are able to look at the positives of the situation like getting leave home first and going to uni and having a job. I think that is a great way to not only distract you from all the troubles you're having but also to shape your future by making plans and taking things into your own hands. Although being the eldest feels like a great burden and responsibility, it is important to find ways to reap the benefits of it too. I am confident that you will find a positive and productive way to deal with this.

    Hope this helps! Please feel free to write back, so we can chat about this some more!  =)
    I did try to talk to them about how I feel about this but all they did was go on about "with more power comes more responsibility", as a reason to let my younger siblings and cousins get away with stuff I get told off for! Mind I did point that out. I mean they're getting older too so they must learn to take on responsibility and be disciplined from mistakes at some point as well right, it's not only me. Looking up to me is merely not an excuse. And u know the most amazingly frustrating thing is that both my parents were also the oldest kids but they won't understand how frustrating it is for me and just learnt to accept all the burden and annoyance, as if I should too no matter how unpleasant it makes me feel!!!

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