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"We're only trying to help"

Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
in Sex & Relationships

I'm extremely sick of people especially my family saying they're only trying to help when I have problems when they're only being annoying. Like telling me to stop panicking and being so sensitive and rubbing reality in my face and saying I'm making a big deal over nothing and asking if I'm OK when I don't want them intervening and worrying and just want to be alone. Or being harsh when teaching me stuff and advising me, or taking me away from what I really want or saying I bring the problem out on myself. And saying it's not good to keep my feelings inside and I should tell them straight away when I only want to share my problems with specific people. And saying they only want whats best when it's not the best if it upsets me

I'm really tired of people mainly looking out for themselves and simply hating seeing me despairing or simply wanting to fulfil their roles as parents or teachers and just dealing with aspects of the problem affecting them, hence. Plus whenever I'm upset it always happens that either everyone or no one pays attention to me. Why can't it be just 1 or 2 people??!!! Seriously, I prefer quality, not quantity!!!!!!! I'm tired of looking vulnerable to people, that's how I naturally look for God's sake! I so wish I was never part of the stupid family and it wasn't parents like them who gave birth to me 

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 59 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User

    Sounds like you are feeling really misunderstood, and that can be one of the most frustrating things in the world! 
    I know it can be so hard communicating with people, especially your parents and teachers about how you really feel. But if you feel like their is anyone you can tell, such as friend or other relatives you are close with, this can be a great alternative. As well as that you can always chat to us on the discussion boards, we are always here to help! 

    Parents can be the most annoying people on the planet, i find it helps to make plans with friends or siblings during the weekend and evenings, this can allow for some time away from them and its good because you have something to look forward to and you know you have some time away from them.
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User

    I completely agree. The absolute last thing we want to hear when we're upset is that we should stop being so sensitive or "calm down". My dad is a big culprit of exactly that. Our parents' generation often just want problems to go away rather than sit down and talk about them properly, and figure out why there's a problem in the first place. 

    It's no wonder you don't want to share your emotions with your family if they're consistently harsh with you whenever you display your true feelings about something. 
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Especially when I'm grumbling and swearing at myself and I just want to be left alone and don't want to be pestered.

    And I'm not saying they expect my problems to go away, I hate that they want me to share my problems with them when I only want to talk about them to specific people and that theyre encouraging me to speak to them to fulfill their roles as parents or teachers and say they're the "only ones who can help" when again that's always the wrong people and I don't like sharing with them. Particularly when they respond harshly and say I should face reality and we can only make bloody efforts or the problem is my fault
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    edited September 18
    My mistake @Past User I understand where you're coming from. I never wanted to talk to my family about my problems either. It's certainly not true that they're the "only ones who can help", you're right- they should encourage you to seek support where you're the most comfortable!
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited April 2019
    Exactly, I dont want them there for me unless it's really urgent and i ask of it
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I agee - your parents should listen to what you want & not what they want, to do to help. Maybe with the right words and explaination they may understand that as they do sound like they care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Or asking horrible sarcastic questions like "do you want to be a victim of such a situation?" or "is this how you want to be for the rest of your life?" or "Do you want the problem solved or not?"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User it sounds like your parents can be quite aggressive and antagonistic rather than supportive. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited September 18
    chubbydumpling said:
    Hey @Past User it sounds like your parents can be quite aggressive and antagonistic rather than supportive. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that <3
    It was also teachers at school and over here too
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited September 18
    SophiA said:
    Hey @Past User

    Sounds like you are feeling really misunderstood, and that can be one of the most frustrating things in the world! 
    I know it can be so hard communicating with people, especially your parents and teachers about how you really feel. But if you feel like their is anyone you can tell, such as friend or other relatives you are close with, this can be a great alternative. As well as that you can always chat to us on the discussion boards, we are always here to help! 

    Parents can be the most annoying people on the planet, i find it helps to make plans with friends or siblings during the weekend and evenings, this can allow for some time away from them and its good because you have something to look forward to and you know you have some time away from them.
    My favourite family members e.g. aunts, cousins all live far away in my home country and all my friends particularly the closest ones either live in different areas or cities so thats why I don't see them very often. Plus the ones back at school I haven't seen for a very long time so it'll be awkward planning to and meeting up and they're very busy anyway
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    No that's not what Im saying! I said people intend to help but in ways that I don't like as mentioned above or its the people I feel uncomfortable around who offer to help and say I must come to them cuz it's their job. And pestering me when I want to be left alone which makes me more annoyed
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Like when I was beginning to drift away from my "best friend" and people kept saying she's not your life and there are more important things to focus on and telling me to face reality that friendships don't last forever and I had to move on and I couldn't force anyone to stay friends with me and it was for the best that I let her go and accept things how they arewhen it wasn't for the best cuz it upsetted me so. They acted like they didn't want me to get back with her which was what I was desperate for and wouldn't be happy unless I got that!!! And parents and teachers saying I don't try hard enough in my schoolwork and don't try to solve problems I have when I'd already tried my best and I do try to solve problems it's just that nothing works. And when I'm fussing about something I really love and want and just can't get like winning in video games or wanting ice cream but I'm having a sore throat and they go "oh it's just ice cream" or "it's just a game." I'm sick of people saying they genuinely care by being cruel to me and taking me away from the things I love and telling me I'm not doing good enough. Caring means letting me have what I want and agreeing with how I feel, and being considerate as to who I'd rather share my problems with
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 31 Boards Initiate
    its not like i can help parents brought me up, that doesnt mean they try and get involved with my business no matter how old i am especially as an adult ive got the right to decide that and have that accepted regardless of the problem and set boundaries. this happened last night when i forgot to return a library book that was due yesterday when i had walked all the way there im sick to death of being tested to be more aware of surroundings when i find it boring n whats in my head more fun which is why i keep accidentally forgetting things n being given i dont need to like whats good for me its me things and people directly affect, and the night before when i accidentally hurt myself cooking, criticising me for getting emotional over small things n saying it fucking doesnt solve the prob n then tell me off for getting rude and fierce back n yelling at them to stop trying to intervene n saying theyre trying to help by being like that n ive got boundaries. jc ive got a solution doesnt mean i can afford it yet, i.e. leave home, and learning to drive so need to worry about wasting n using up time n bodily energy walking back and forth to places as the library book situation and no wonder i fired like that bc they were disrespecting n crossing my boundaries trying to get involved when i never wanted them to like my feelings dont matter if im not allowed to react like that jc im the kid n theyre the parents like again i can help they gave birth to n brought me up theyre still humans n can treat us bad caring by being extremely mean n annoying!!! n assuming i keep my probs to myself jc i dont tell them i feel like a baby confiding them i feel more grown-up telling friends (or sometimes other people in the fam)
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