"We're only trying to help"

sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 123 The Mix convert

I'm extremely sick of people especially my family saying they're only trying to help when I have problems when they're only being annoying. Like telling me to stop panicking and being so sensitive and rubbing reality in my face and saying I'm making a big deal over nothing and asking if I'm OK when I don't want them intervening and worrying and just want to be alone. Or being harsh when teaching me stuff and advising me, or taking me away from what I really want or saying I bring the problem out on myself. And saying it's not good to keep my feelings inside and I should tell them straight away when I only want to share my problems with specific people. And saying they only want whats best when it's not the best if it upsets me

I'm really tired of people mainly looking out for themselves and simply hating seeing me despairing or simply wanting to fulfil their roles as parents or teachers and just dealing with aspects of the problem affecting them, hence. Plus whenever I'm upset it always happens that either everyone or no one pays attention to me. Why can't it be just 1 or 2 people??!!! Seriously, I prefer quality, not quantity!!!!!!! I'm tired of looking vulnerable to people, that's how I naturally look for God's sake! I so wish I was never part of the stupid family and it wasn't parents like them who gave birth to me 
LaineSophiAchubbydumplingAidan

Comments

  • SophiASophiA Posts: 59 Miniposter
    Hey @sozforhappy

    Sounds like you are feeling really misunderstood, and that can be one of the most frustrating things in the world! 
    I know it can be so hard communicating with people, especially your parents and teachers about how you really feel. But if you feel like their is anyone you can tell, such as friend or other relatives you are close with, this can be a great alternative. As well as that you can always chat to us on the discussion boards, we are always here to help! 

    Parents can be the most annoying people on the planet, i find it helps to make plans with friends or siblings during the weekend and evenings, this can allow for some time away from them and its good because you have something to look forward to and you know you have some time away from them.
    chubbydumpling
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 225 The Mix convert
    Hey @sozforhappy

    I completely agree. The absolute last thing we want to hear when we're upset is that we should stop being so sensitive or "calm down". My dad is a big culprit of exactly that. Our parents' generation often just want problems to go away rather than sit down and talk about them properly, and figure out why there's a problem in the first place. 

    It's no wonder you don't want to share your emotions with your family if they're consistently harsh with you whenever you display your true feelings about something. 
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 123 The Mix convert
    Especially when I'm grumbling and swearing at myself and I just want to be left alone and don't want to be pestered.

    And I'm not saying they expect my problems to go away, I hate that they want me to share my problems with them when I only want to talk about them to specific people and that theyre encouraging me to speak to them to fulfill their roles as parents or teachers and say they're the "only ones who can help" when again that's always the wrong people and I don't like sharing with them. Particularly when they respond harshly and say I should face reality and we can only make bloody efforts or the problem is my fault
    chubbydumpling
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 225 The Mix convert
    My mistake @sozforhappy I understand where you're coming from. I never wanted to talk to my family about my problems either. It's certainly not true that they're the "only ones who can help", you're right- they should encourage you to seek support where you're the most comfortable!
    sozforhappy
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 123 The Mix convert
    edited April 20
    Exactly, I dont want them there for me unless it's really urgent and i ask of it
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 4,697 Supreme Poster
    I agee - your parents should listen to what you want & not what they want, to do to help. Maybe with the right words and explaination they may understand that as they do sound like they care
    " Shout out to everyone making progress that no one recongises because you never let anyone see your darkest moments. You've been silently winning battles and transforming yourself. Be proud of every step you're making in the right direction. Keep going cause you've got this" 🌸🌸❤️
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 123 The Mix convert
    Or asking horrible sarcastic questions like "do you want to be a victim of such a situation?" or "is this how you want to be for the rest of your life?" or "Do you want the problem solved or not?"
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 225 The Mix convert
    Hey @sozforhappy it sounds like your parents can be quite aggressive and antagonistic rather than supportive. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that <3
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 123 The Mix convert
    Hey @sozforhappy it sounds like your parents can be quite aggressive and antagonistic rather than supportive. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that <3
    It was also teachers at school and over here too
    chubbydumpling
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 123 The Mix convert
    SophiA said:
    Hey @sozforhappy

    Sounds like you are feeling really misunderstood, and that can be one of the most frustrating things in the world! 
    I know it can be so hard communicating with people, especially your parents and teachers about how you really feel. But if you feel like their is anyone you can tell, such as friend or other relatives you are close with, this can be a great alternative. As well as that you can always chat to us on the discussion boards, we are always here to help! 

    Parents can be the most annoying people on the planet, i find it helps to make plans with friends or siblings during the weekend and evenings, this can allow for some time away from them and its good because you have something to look forward to and you know you have some time away from them.
    My favourite family members e.g. aunts, cousins all live far away in my home country and all my friends particularly the closest ones either live in different areas or cities so thats why I don't see them very often. Plus the ones back at school I haven't seen for a very long time so it'll be awkward planning to and meeting up and they're very busy anyway
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 1,129 Fanatical Poster
    Hey,

    I'm sorry that when you want to talk about a problem, that people aren't supportive sometimes, it sounds tough. I can understand that some people think ignoring a problem will invalidate it and make it go away, or that talking about something can 'make it a problem', but it isn't the kind thing to do and the best thing to do is listen and try and understand.

    Hugs <3 and take care
    Aidan
    3.6, not great, not terrible
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 123 The Mix convert
    No that's not what Im saying! I said people intend to help but in ways that I don't like as mentioned above or its the people I feel uncomfortable around who offer to help and say I must come to them cuz it's their job. And pestering me when I want to be left alone which makes me more annoyed
    Aidan
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 123 The Mix convert
    Like when I was beginning to drift away from my "best friend" and people kept saying she's not your life and there are more important things to focus on and telling me to face reality that friendships don't last forever and I had to move on and I couldn't force anyone to stay friends with me and it was for the best that I let her go and accept things how they arewhen it wasn't for the best cuz it upsetted me so. They acted like they didn't want me to get back with her which was what I was desperate for and wouldn't be happy unless I got that!!! And parents and teachers saying I don't try hard enough in my schoolwork and don't try to solve problems I have when I'd already tried my best and I do try to solve problems it's just that nothing works. And when I'm fussing about something I really love and want and just can't get like winning in video games or wanting ice cream but I'm having a sore throat and they go "oh it's just ice cream" or "it's just a game." I'm sick of people saying they genuinely care by being cruel to me and taking me away from the things I love and telling me I'm not doing good enough. Caring means letting me have what I want and agreeing with how I feel, and being considerate as to who I'd rather share my problems with
    Aidan
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