Is it disrespectful to ask how someone died?

Former Member

I was pretty torn about where to put this post as it can fit into quite a few different categories. But since this post is about a debate in the first place I figured it'd go best here. Feel free to move if it'd go somewhere better.

I'm creating this in response to a post I saw on facebook, saying "Just asking... how did chester die?" 

This is about Chester Bennington from Linkin Park, who, if you didn't already know, committed suicide.

I personally think that this is just a simple question from someone who didn't know. 

But there are a whole lot of comments on that post, who were being downright rude and hurtful to the person just because they find it "disrespectful" to ask how someone died. 

I put a few comments of my own on there defending the OP as they were just asking a question. But then the hate has been turned on me and people are calling me a lot of names and things just because I feel like they're being too harsh. 

Some people are even hinting that it's bad to talk about the fact that he committed suicide. Saying it's disrespectful and trying to censor the reality that his death was by suicide. And that hurts a lot, because it's comments like this that stop people from talking about suicide in the first place. That stop people from getting that help before they take it too far. 

I think what hurts the most on this post is that people are being horrible to one another, all in the name of respect for Chester. But in reality they're being anything but respectful, using Chester's death as a means to cause trouble. That's not what he would have wanted.

So anyway, back to the topic before I ramble any more. I just wanted to get your opinion on this. Is it disrespectful for someone to ask how a person died? Does it automatically become disrespectful when the death is by suicide? Why is/isn't it disrespectful?

Former Member

Hey

In my opinion, it's not disrespectful. Death is natural (in that everything goes at some point), and maybe more importantly, I don't think the dead person would mind people asking.

I really agree with everything you've said here, buddy. It's not fair for people to start attacking the OP for their question - nor is it fair for them to attack you. I'd do the same, about defending the OP. I hope you're okay You're also right in that suicide should be talked about, and avoiding the subject like that discourages talk. Third, you're right that Chester wouldn't have wanted that

I can understand why some people may feel it's disrespectful. I think maybe it's because death can be a sensitive subject. Especially when it's something like Chester's case. But I don't believe it's disrespectful, as such.

Jellyelephant

I think it depends on the circumstances and context. For example if a family member died and I told a friend then I would find it disrespectful if they asked the cause of death because firstly it is none of their business and secondly it is irrelevant; they do not know the person so clearly I would be hoping for support. Asking me the cause of death would only cause further distress. 

Former Member

It's not disrespectful at all.

If it were addressing someone directly and they were sensitive then maybe some sense to not ask.

Or if the person was saying "hhaaha how they die" in that sort of context perhaps.

But to avoid topics like that under the guise of "respect" is dumb, those who are upset and don't want to talk should just not reply. I think it's just they feel like oh why do you not know and more people feeling like full of themselves. I admit though with the linkin park death, I got a little upset when someone was like what, that happened? But you can't expect everyone to know everything, informing someone of what happened is a totally normal thing, people are just over sensitive. He is a public figure and not a close family member, people are allowed know as much as the next, it's not fair if you know and you withhold it.

Former Member

I don't think it's disrespectful, but asking could be insensitive to the bereaved because it makes them recall what happened. Last year an aunt passed away. All I could do was hold their partner's hand. Often it's sweet just to say I'm here if you need me because I love you lots.