If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Tough love sucks!
Former Member
Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
I'm extremely sick of my parents saying they're harsh and strict and nasty because they love me, shouting and lecturing and nagging me and speaking in harsh firm tones. Love and meanness don't go together. It's not about loving me, it's about how they treat me so I'm not saying I think they don't love me or anything. How they treat me matters more. Especially as silly mistakes I make happen by accident and I never intend to do bad or its not my fault. They just accuse me of making habits when I say this to them when it's unintentional every time it happens, I don't ever see it coming. They ought to just accept my absent-minded daydreamy ways and that I find my surroundings boring and what's in my head more fun so my eyes will always skip things or things will always go in one ear and out the other and only part of what people say will always go into my head. I so hate the phrase "for your own good" or "for the best", is not good or the best if it upsets me. I only care how I feel and I have my own definitions of good and bad! I'm tired of apologising when they say sorry means I'll never do it again when I never know it's about to happen. They don't deserve my apology if they're being so cruel about it anyway. They should be apologising to me for their attitude. I'm sick of nagging me to "think" too. I think in my own way for Lord's sake!!! All they care about is consequences, well intentions matter more!!
0
Comments
I'm sorry to hear that things haven't improved at home. It sounds to me like your parents have just been approaching your needs one way and expecting that to work. Have you ever all sat down and talked about what it is you actually need from them to support you properly?
I know it sucks when it seems like you're the one putting in the effort the whole time but it might be worth a shot
I completely understand what you are saying and I just want to let you know that you're not alone. My parents have done a lot for me of the years putting their blood sweat and tears into helping me through school, exams and life generally. I really appreciate what they have done for me and I'm really grateful however I completely disagree with how they approached this.
When I was younger I heard a lot of 'We just want the best for you' 'It's for your own good' and 'We know what's best for you' and this is all true as they are my parents however I disagree with how they treated me and how they approached this. I don't doubt their love for me for a second but I wish they had and wish they could now, treat me better, kinder, gentler so i don't feel as alone as I do now.
They believe that I am in a really toxic relationship with my best friend as I'm in love with him but he doesn't see me the same way and because of this my mother has threatened to kick me out the house, which I don't doubt she would, if I don't cut him out of my life. She gets incredibly angry whenever I say that he has helped through everything because I have yet to tell her that 'everything' means having to cope with the way the tough love they gave me through the years, especially my GCSE years.
I know it's tough so I just want you to know you're not alone because reading your post today has really helped in a way that I'm reassured that I'm not being a brat, as they sometimes would say!
Hope this helps,
LZ x
I also don't plan on becoming a parent because I believe and I'm almost sure of it that if my parents treated me in a kinder more respectful way, regardless of my age I wouldn't be feeling the way I am at the moment. I wouldn't have moments where I feel like ending my life or running away from home. The feelings of loneliness, pain and grief won't be as strong as they are now. And I don't want to risk causing another child in the world to feel that way. No one is perfect but there is no risk of causing another child to feel this way if I don't have them in the first place.
I'm not even eighteen and yet I feel the weight of the world on me. It's hard, it's painful but I know deep down it's not forever.
Here for you,
LZ x
It sounds like you have a lot on your chest at the moment so I just wanted to say you are absolutely doing the right thing by letting it out on here. We are all here for you and you really do deserve to feel supported.
You mentioned you don't want them to protect you because you're not a kid anymore. From this It seems like you are strong and independent, which are really amazing qualities to have. As you grow older there become more and more opportunities to use this independence, so I hope you can use this to know that things really can get better - just as Ellezee says, it's not forever.
In the meantime, I am wondering if you have spoken to them, or anybody else, about exactly the ways you are feeling?
We are all here for you. Take good care! X