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If you need a laugh...
...Read my jokey rant on the plot holes in various fairytales.
Hey I was just thinking about this... And I got a pretty good laugh out of some of them lol. I thought I may as well write a lengthy analysis and post it, in the hope it will give someone at least a bit of amusement Uh, there may be some dark jokes, but I doubt that's a problem ahah.
Okay, so. She runs out of the ballroom when the clock strikes midnight, loses a glass slipper, and when she's outside, everything returns to how it was before. Um, so why didn't the glass slipper she lost turn back into her normal shoe? Also, how did she not trip and fall over when it fell off? And as my dad pointed out, how did she even wear a glass slipper? - she'd be running down the stairs, and the force would probably make the glass break.
Another thing, when she entered the ballroom, how did her stepmother and stepsisters not recognise her?... Okay, yeah, she was wearing a totally different outfit. But I'm guessing they all have bad facial recognition or something - fair enough I guess
Now, why didn't that glass slipper fit anyone else?? I'm sure everyone's feet are kinda different, but seriously?... There's got to be at least another person who's foot could fit into the slipper. Unless Cinderella's feet are very abnormally shaped or something.
2; Snow White:
So first, she goes inside a random cottage in the forest and sleeps in one of the beds. I know she was kinda desperate, but that's a bit too much trust being placed in the idea that the house owner won't come back and murder her... Second, in the longer version of the fairytale, the evil queen comes three times trying to kill her. First with poisoned needles and combs, I think? Yeah... One near death experience should put you off. After two, you definitely wouldn't be accepting stuff from old stranger women anymore. Stupid Snow.
Also, the dwarves, this whole time, were warning her not to speak to or answer the door to strangers. I'm quite frankly surprised they didn't get so fed up that they kicked her out. But each to their own. I won't attack them for that one.
Now, perhaps the most weird thing... When Snow White ate the poisoned apple, she was supposedly dead. And she remained "dead" for... Weeks? Months? Then the apple gets dislodged from her throat and she revives. That, my friend, is just not possible. Her brain would've shut down. Hmm... Maybe she became a zombie?
Also, if the dwarves truly cared for Snow White so much, why did they give the prince her coffin? Yeesh. Please, when I die (or "die"), don't give my coffin away like that.
Another thing... If the apple was stuck in her throat, doesn't that mean she choked to death or something? If she did, that was fast... She would've spent a minute or longer trying to save herself and panicking. But maybe I'm wrong here.
She let down her hair for people to climb up. There's a huge error here: That weight would hurt like fucking 'ell. "OW! OW! OW! ". In fact, I'm pretty sure all her hair would fall out, or it would be at least pretty damaged. And... Why didn't the force make her fall out of the tower window? Even if she put her hair round a hook or something, I'm pretty sure all this would still apply.
Now... The prince falls from the tower (remember that part guys?). He remains unhurt, but scratches his eyes on thorns below. Um... You'd either die, or break a bunch of bones, I believe. So anyway... He wonders round the desert, blind, for like years, only eating berries. You'd starve to death. I do hope he had access to water...
And what about Rapunzel? Stuck in the desert herself the whole time, all alone... She'd either go mad or starve/dehydrate to death. Or both. Could go mad and then die. And I think there's a version where she actually has kids while in the desert... Uh yeah, like you could take care of them too.
4; Little Red Riding Hood:
This one is just crackers. So, the wolf comes in, eats the grandma in one piece, and then pretends to be her for Red Riding Hood.
First, how did he not choke to death????? Second, how did Red Riding Hood not realise straight away that this was a wolf?????????? "But grandma, what big ears you have!" - yes, have you not noticed the totally different colouring, the fur, and the probably very different voice, yet? Lil Riding Hood, you have some serious eyesight problems and a very slow brain, please see a doctor asap.
Then, the woodsman hears the scream, and kills the wolf and frees the grandma or some shit... Uh... And the grandma is alive and totally not traumatised. And then they go have some nice tea as if it was just a tiring and adventurous day. I um... I will not even uh... Try to make sense of that...
5; Sleeping Beauty:
Obvious one, here. One hundred years of sleep. That would kill you. You'd grow old and die of old age in your sleep. Oh wait, that won't be happening - you'd die of thirst before old age. At least you won't be conscious to feel the agony I guess. I assume it was supposed to be magical and stop time, but the world around them carried on as normal... Impossible. Well actually, in this world (whatever the world even is), I'm not going to say anything's impossible.
6; Hansel and Gretel:
Ahem - the gingerbread house. Why didn't it fall apart in the rain?? Two options here. One, it never rained, which is just unnatural. Two, the witch cast it under a spell - but, if she has the power to do that, then why couldn't she use her magic to free herself from the oven when Gretel pushed her in?
Secondly, Hansel held out a bone instead of his finger. Look... Maybe the witch had bad eyesight. But she could feel. And I'm telling you, I think there's a very noticable difference between a fleshy, warm finger, and a bone.
There are soooo many fairytales, so I definitely haven't covered them all... Enjoy having your fav bedtime stories forever ruined.
When life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind - Linkin Park
Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls, everytime that you lose it sing it for the world - MCR