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"Everyone does that"

sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
It annoys me so much when I give reasons for doing silly clumsy mistakes or things I feel is right that others don't agree with and the person telling me off or questioning me goes "yes everyone does that." Well to be completely frank people may deal with such situations better than me and are more emotionally stable and strategic so there's no right to say I mustn't make exceptions for myself and it's inexcusable. Like when Im feeling grumpy and angry and I snap and argue and shout at people and slam/throw things and I say I go by how I feel as a teenager and the person telling me off goes everyone goes by how they feel and have hormones not just teenagers. This means I act how I feel as a teenager especially to those who are mean and strict to me first or if the person is older their times were a lot different. Or when I scream dramatically when I get my fingers stuck in something or bang my head and they say everyone is sensitive to pain and don't react that way. Well maybe some people are physically and mentally stronger than me and I don't deserve to be fussed at for that, super sensitive is how I am! Also when I don't do cleaning up and I say I'm busy and the person says everyone's busy. And with daydreaming saying everyone finds what's in their heads more fun so I can't use that as a reason to be accidental and unintentionally ignorant and develop silly habits. Grrhhh! Why can't people just accept this is how it is and get into their heads that people cope and feel different, there's no "general" or "majority"?!! Nobody else even gets told off for these things only me so no point in saying everyone does so and so is there? I'm tired of being the one told off simply cuz it's family restrictions or I'm the most "gormless" and tend to be clumsy most. Vice versa at school when my classmates complain that I don't get in trouble for forgetting to bring books yet they do when they all know how sensitive I am and being forgetful was clearly unintentional, or at home when we're told to eat food we don't like and my siblings moan that it's ok if I don't eat it. This is particularly the case with parents and teachers and classmates and even friends occasionally. It's harder to deal with when I have pretty personal reasons for making exceptions for myself that I cannot explain as the person telling me off will say it's nonsensical and petty and just won't understand and listen.

Another plus on planning to live alone later on: no need to worry the harms of making exceptions at least at home. No one has the right to be call me self-conceited for doing so, I feel that they're the ones being that way for deliberately missing that people have varied feelings and coping techniques to have a reason to tell me off. How can I focus on what matters to me and distract myself when people keep saying things that I hate hearing and are totally hurtfu and deliberately and personally misunderstanding of me???!!!


  • ValerialettoValerialetto Posts: 87 Budding Regular
    hello, @sozforhappy
            you must be really tired of that situation and irritaded thinking that nobody respects your personality and some particular features. I think some time all of us feel this way espesially if we have some problems in our life in general or just tired or just hungry :) .
               I guess this topic is close to the one we're discussing in our messages...and so reading it now I just got that probably you are scared that you are not loved, accepted and respected,. am I right? Believe me you are. We all are, just sometimes we do not notice it due to different reasons or we have lack of this love that's why we try to make more friends, go to different events or just come here to talk and  feel okay.
               As I told you before, it's very good that you express all this negative cause it's harmfull to keep it inside and a lot of people do it as well, but is it nesessary to tell all of this negative to person?Doing that you provoke aggression and double negative to yourself back which leads to battle and you being depressed even more. Why do you need this? What do you feel and what do you get when you "snap and argue and shout at people and slam/throw things "?
  • SophiASophiA Posts: 59 Boards Initiate
    Hey @sozforhappy

    It sounds as though you are feeling very misunderstood which must be very frustrating. I think we have all been there where we have felt a certain way and it feels like no one gets it so its good you have been able to talk to us. 
    I think its important to remember that everyone is different so everyone goes through things and experiences things differently, i think that as long your actions dont cause harm to anyone and they help you cope with situations then there is nothing wrong with that.
    It can sometimes help to discuss these feelings with the friends and family you feel as though dont understand as this can help them see things from your point of view so are less likely to have a go at you for your reactions in the future. Although i know this can be difficult so should only do this if you’re comfortable with it. 
  • sozforhappysozforhappy Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited April 2019
    Or going "I hate when this and that happens to me too but I'm not complaining." It's not about loving me, it's about how someone treats me, even worse when they treat me how I don't like because they love me cuz as I always say love and meanness don't go together. People truly deserve my anger and a piece of my mind and for me to complain about them to someone who'll back me up, I may be aggressive because they test my temper and patience and think something that upsets me is good for me
    Post edited by sozforhappy on
  • MsBingoMsBingo Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hey @sozforhappy, I really agree with what @Valerialetto and @SophiA said. It must be  very irritating to not have people accept you for who you are.
    There is no normal, average, or perfect person! Everyone has different qualities, some are more positive than others.
    You deserve to have people respect you and accept you for who you are.

  • VilJaVilJa Posts: 28 Boards Initiate
    Hi @sozforhappy, thank you for sharing!

    From what I gather, it seems like you are really frustrated and that you maybe retaining this frustration, and it maybe pent up at this point. I can absolutely relate to being dismissed, and not taken seriously when I get angry, in fact this has been something I have had difficulty with for a while. I have done the screaming, the shouting, the slamming stuff, and I know that it feels justified in the moment, or even afterwards. But the truth is most people have a hard time dealing with other's strong emotions, and you and I, we both seem to have strong emotions and feelings towards somethings, which is ABSOLUTELY fine, however, when confronted with difficult situations, people are often unable to deal with our strong emotions and behaviour and tend to react with a defense mechanism, which is basically their way of coping with the situation. They may do this by dismissing your behaviour as childish, unjustified, and unnecessary, just so they can avoid dealing with it. 

    My best advice to you is something I do when I'm really angry or upset or frustrated, I just count to 50, leave the room, take deep breaths, and think about whether this person is worth my concern and time. 
    I also try to talk as calmly as possible, as that puzzles the other person and now they cannot dismiss your anger as immature or childish. 

    Let me know what you think!

    I would love to talk about this to you some more.

    Take care  :) 
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