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some advice please

honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
hi everyone im in a bit of a difficult situation. ive had a really difficult couple of years ive been surrounded by toxic people and that severely damaged my mental health ive been constantly unhappy. so ive freed myself from all that finally and I plucked up the courage recently to start a gym nearby in the hope of making new friends and i was introduced to a gorgeous guy just a year and a half younger than me by the receptionist in the gym. this guy is a self employed personal trainer and he asked me what.my.goals were. im a slim girl but i just have a few areas i would like to tone up and he offered to train with me in the gym and ofcourse i said yes!  ive had training sessions with him a few times now and the more i train with him the more i get to know him  and the more im becoming attracted to him.  hes just so perfect in everyway and hes exactly what im looking for.  but this is then giving me anxiety as im not sure what to do.. im not sure what the rules are on clients and personal trainers dating outside the gym. i would never say anything while training with him but i thought if my feelings progress further and when we eventually stop training when i reach my goals i would like to ask to get to know him outside of the gym..  i thought of leaving the gym if i feel this way as i wouldnt want to get him in trouble or ruin his repution or it start a whole load of shit.  what should i do?     


  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @barbaraxx

    Well done you for getting away from toxic people - takes a lot of courage to cut ties sometimes so just wanted to acknowledge that first :)

    This sounds exciting!! To be honest I wouldn't worry too much about the 'rules' of clients and trainers dating as it's not really your responsibility but more his, and you can always have that conversation with him if you do go on a date. Have you thought about asking whether he would want to go out for a drink/lunch or something with you now... Or do you think you could? I just think that way you should find out pretty quickly that way if he isn't allowed to date clients! 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    hi lucy thank you so much for your comment! its so exciting but i dont have a lot of confidence and im terrified to ask.  im slowly building up the confidence with him first by trying to get to know him more through my training by trying to have conversations and then once i know him a bit more then ask? i feel a bit weird asking him when i dont know him well enough yet and i think hes more likely to say no if he doesnt know me that well yet..  i get so nervous before i see him but also so excited and im just so scared im going to mess this up im rubbish at this stuff  ! xx
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster

    Just echoing what Lucy said, and commenting to show my support.

    It's nice you've found this guy. Getting to know him better before asking sounds cool to me. Up to you.

    I get feeling scared. Remember the worst that can happen is he says no - but hopefully that won't happen :)

    Wishing you the best with this <3
  • honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    thank you so much❤❤❤
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hey @honeyxx

    Sounds like you have a good thing with the PT, and the idea of waiting until you've hit your goals before asking him out on a date sounds sensible. Not only because it gives you time to get to know him more but also because then you can fully focus on reaching your goals. Then once you've reached your goals anything else is an unexpected bonus! 

    Have you made any other friends at the gym???
  • honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    hello! im so sorry i didnt reply to this sooner! i really appreciate your reply. things have developed since and im going out my mind with anxiety over this. i really like him! i see him every week. he asked me last week to go to a class with him and it will be in the same gym when he isnt working and im so nervous! Im also trying so hard to reach my goals but my emotions have been getting in the way and when ive been getting down it has effected my eating habits which have then held me back and prolonged this :( im getting so sad and down as its taking so long and dissapointed in myself:( is it bad for me to be attracted my personal trainer? xx
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @honeyxx,

    I have just caught myself up with your thread and this all sounds very exciting! But at the same time I can really hear it's making you anxious. This is totally normal and I want you to know we are here for you :heart:

    You mentioned you are feeling nervous about going to that class with him and I am wondering if you know what it is that makes you feel nervous about it? 

    It is really important for you to know that everybody goes through ups and downs when trying to reach their goals and that is completely okay. If you are really struggling you could perhaps speak to somebody else at the gym just for some advice with getting back on track; but honestly, I think do whatever makes you happy. If you need to take a more relaxed approach to your eating habits at the moment then that's absolutely fine - there is no rush and you will get there. Treat it like a marathon, not a sprint :smile:

    It's not bad for you to be attracted to your PT. In fact, my friends who are a couple met in exactly that way! I understand it can be a confusing time for you, especially understanding the rules they might have, but I think take things one step at a time and soon enough things will start to make sense. This is an exciting time - and we are here for you x

  • honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    thank you so much for reassuring me i really needed to hear that! im just really shy and i get anxious in new situations!  i did go for the class and i got on okay although we werent able to sit together as i was later into the class and there was already people next to him. And the whole room stared at me as i was new i felt really intimaded and on the spot but i got through it and he spoke to me at the end. i just need to relax and stop stressing and overthinking and just enjoy my time with him. its just taking so long and im worried incase i leave it to long and he finds someone else :( i would be devastated :'(  xx 
  • honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    is it ok if i speak to you guys privately about this ? bit worried incase he sees this as you never know he could be on here! x x
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey Honey,

    Absolutely feel free to drop me a message if you'd rather talk privately. I warn you that I may not have much advice, so I don't know if I'm the sort you're looking for, but I'll listen :)

    Lots of love,
    Kathleen <3
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