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I think my boyfriend loves his ex

My boyfriend is always talking to my friend about what his ex is doing and gets mad at his friends for speaking to her. I asked if he still loved her and he got annoyed at me. He says he hates her to me but I don’t know if I believe him


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    JamJarJamJar Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hey @char_smith

    Welcome to the Mix, hope you are starting to get your bearings. It's a complicated dilemma you're experiencing because it's very possible to see both perspectives being reality:
    1) Your boyfriend really doesn't like his ex at all and so doesn't want his mates talking to her, or you asking him if he still loves her, OR
    2) Your boyfriend maybe still has feelings for his ex and so doesn't want his mates talking to her because it makes him jealous, and he doesn't want you asking if he loves her because he doesn't feel he can answer that honestly...

    Have you tried to have other conversations with your boyfriend about either how he feels about your relationship, or how he feels about his friends talking to his ex? Perhaps your boyfriend might respond in a more receptive manner if he is asked questions that are less direct... Just an idea, but I really hope you and your boyfriend can sort things out <3
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    MsBingoMsBingo Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hey @char_smith

    It might not be very healthy, but I'm a really nosey person and like to know what my ex is up to, even though there are no feelings there anymore!

    You deserve to feel valued and know the truth about his feelings. I think its wrong that your boyfriend got annoyed when you asked him. However, sometimes getting asked questions can make you feel like you're getting accused of doing something wrong.

    I really agree what @JamJar said about having trying to have a conversation with him in sort of a less direct way. Also, have you ever tried to tell your boyfriend about how you feel about all of this?

     <3  <3
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    VilJaVilJa Posts: 28 Boards Initiate
    Hello @char_smith,

    This seems like a difficult situation for you to be in. I'm sure you are confused by your boyfriend's behaviour and it is completely natural to be curious about it.

    It may be so that your boyfriend has not yet processed his feelings about his ex and is finding it hard to let go of the past. It may be so that he is not over her. I can imagine how unfair this situation feels to you, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

    If your boyfriend's behaviour is making you uncomfortable, you should bring this up to him, and make him feel comfortable to share his true feelings with you. Maybe you could tell him that you are there for him, but you need to know what is going on with him , so that you can help.

    Let me know if I can help in anyway! Don't hesitate to write back! :)
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,558 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2019
    You have to do whatever is right for you and if youre not okay with him always talking about his Ex. You have to think about if the relationship is worth it and a one you feel comfortable in. You deserve as much as you give to him. 

    Though you dont know for definete he is in love with her still - it would be completly understandable if he was still fond of her and stuff but didnt ever want to go back to her and difference betweeen being in love and wanting to be back with her ect. But could be hard to tell. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    There really are lots of reasons he may still be talking about his ex. But the most important thing is that you feel comfortable in your relationship, so I am wondering if you have ever spoken to him about how this is making you feel?

    I've been in a similar situation; at the beginning of my relationship my boyfriend would mention the girl that he used to like, and I always wondered if she was still on his mind. I spoke to him about this and it turns out he just likes to speak about things that bother him - and in this case it was that girl as they were no longer friends.

    It can be a really confusing situation, but always remember to do what is best for you :) Take good care, we are here for you!
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