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Looking for support

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3 Newbie
edited March 2019 in Sex & Relationships
Hiya, I originally began looking online because I'm very confused about everything. I was just wondering if this was common and at times i think I will not bother even turning up to court but other times I know it would not end no matter what he says. I am all over the place mentally. I have never been the one to call police because i feel he is part of me. I need to discuss this with women who feel the same or who feel weak like me and also ladies who have gone back to their abuser as i have done. But now there is a break from him i feel like he was the one extremely dependent on me. Please help. Xx
Post edited by TheMix on

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    Heyy, 

    welcome to the mix! 
    Hope you find what youre looking for on here

    Ive been to the police about an abuser and it takes  a lot - far from weak.  But think youre right in that it doesnt always mean things will change if goes further than court & all that sometimes but you can heal in other ways aswell. 

    And i have also had thoughts about wanting to go back to him and ive notice you reacted & found one of my threads of where ive said it. https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/comment/3583339#Comment_3583339
    Edit- saw you comment on it & very true - & thinking about what id say to someone who feels similar helps me be kinder to myself & i hope you can remind your self of that and remind yourself why you left in the first place

    Hope you know youre not alone <3
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3 Newbie
    Thank you, i keep telling myself it'll get easier but we spent 24/7 together, i stopped seeing friends and family. From my dad calling all women including me stupid idiots for not jumping up and leaving, to the rest of my family telling me they want nothing to do with me if i go back, I can't take the mixing pot of emotions and lack of understanding. I keep repeating i cannot just switch my love for him off or I most certainly would. They don't really get that it wasn't all bad. I can feel their anger then my defence for him will come into play. For instance my mum saying 'u must like getting beaten every week or u wouldn't have gone back' how do i explain something i do not understand myself. I'm so glad you took time to answer me, i had a horrific beating last time 2 days locked in, he had the key temptingly close but he knew i wouldn't dare also he reset my phone. My ribs and back were kicked and punched as he dragged me around the bedroom. One attack, physical, also making me sit in bed and throwing cold orange on me while i was ill in bed. I went on the run sleeping in a car just to be with him. I tried to prove my undivided love & attention but if a man or woman has it ingrained in their character then chances are that they are a narcinarcist for life. Xx x 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Im so sorry. That sounds awful:(. Some people do not understand. Abusers are very clever and take lots of control mentally - thats not your fault - thats all them and for someone to say things like that to you is just lack of understanding. Because even abusive relationship break ups are hard. 

    I hope youre doing okay today <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 287 The Mix Regular
    Hi,

    Sorry to hear about your relationship. I have to commend you on opening up, not only on here but also to your family, it is very brave and shows your strength.

    Shaunie has made some very good points, to reiterate, it's not your fault.

    It's an extremely difficult position to be in and often people who have never been there don't understand it and have strong opinions. It must be difficult receiving that reaction from your family. Do you have someone else you can talk to? Like a school or work colleague you trust? 

    https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/  I have attached a link to women's aid survivors handbook which gives a lot of information on relationships and staying safe with some useful contacts.
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