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Unfair parent perk
Former Member
Deactivated Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
It's so unfair that parents in general feel that they don't need to tell off and lecture kids that are not they're own simply cuz of that but they can tell me off constantly and be harsh simply cuz I am and blame me for everything. Like when I'm fighting with a peer and my parents don't want to hear that it was their fault and deserved my anger and just be mad at me simply cuz the other person isn't their child, or when we me and a friend are messing around and I'm the only one that gets told off for making a racket, or having a go at me for missing job recruitment invitations when the employer phoned me up saying they will give me an email when they didn't and getting their instincts wrong on professionals always being resourceful and blaming me for that, even feeling that they don't need to tell my cousin's off or order them around when they happen to be children of their siblings and family too. The whole "not telling off guests" rule is nuts and there mustn't be a such thing as "other people's kids", after all we didn't choose our parents and every person is human hence must be corrected or treated with leniency depending on their regardless of whether they are family or your own children. I hate hearing the fact that parents know you all too well and didn't raise other children like you. As I said before they may know me all too well but they never understand me, and again we can't help that they raised us and anyone can take care of you whether they're ur parents or not. I find my friend of the family more of a mum than my own mum is. And a few of my mum's friends have told me off and lectured me a few times when I was younger, and my mum herself is kind of strict on my cousins cuz they're always procrastinating and fighting and being stubborn (even worse than me 
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Comments
You raise a very real, and frustrating, point that I am sure many of us have all experienced in our time. As a child, or rather a young person beginning to develop in this world, the first and strongest exposure we get to authority is our parents. We don't get spoken to by the government, nor by the police, or by any other stately figures of authority. However, we do always get an ear full from our parents; and a natural way to react to authority - as someone new to the world of order and rules - is to question the status quo.
As much as it is arbitrary that your parents are your parents, it is also completely deterministic that your parents are your parents. Parents are just people at the end of the day, and you may well end up being a parent yourself, and your child may feel equally unfairly positioned as your child - I know I felt this unfairness when I was growing up. But the relationship of a child and a parent is such a potentially incredible one that it seems immature and wasteful to squander it.
Hopefully you and your parents will know each other for plenty more decades to come. So imagine, by the time you reach 50 years old, how many years you will have known, spoken with, disagreed with, supported, and been supported by, your parents. By the time you are 50 there won't be many people you will have known and held a relationship with as long as your parents, and imagine how fulfilling that relationship could be if you push pass this initial point of tension and conflict. Would you not like to see what your relationship with your parents can become once you start perceiving them as their own people and not so much as parents?
You may completely disagree with me but I think this is a very interesting topic, and one that is best treated with a perspective that is aware of how many years we have to come in the future. Hope you appreciate my opinion
Reminder, when I'm upset about something I won't take being told what's what and lectured and have stuff said against me. You don't need to bother about agreeing or disagreeing with me in this case, just don't agree with who or whatever I'm angry with and take everything I say and make me feel that the problem will stop. I've had enough of unpleasant responses to my problems! And go against what I'm angry with instead of going against me myself. The last thing i want to be told is I'm the problem.
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[edited by moderator]
I've just edited a few of your posts as it's important to be friendly to everyone here, including our moderators (see our guidelines here).
It sounds like you're feeling quite upset from this response and that's okay. I just wanted to say that no one is blaming you for what you're parents are doing to you. As moderators, we're not counsellors but we are here to listen and try support you in the best way that we can. We are all different in the support we give and sometimes offering another perspective on a situation can be one way we try to support members here. It's completely okay that you're feeling upset by this response and we do appreciate your feedback and will take it on board.
I'm sorry to hear you're parents are blaming you for quite a lot of things. It sounds like this has been going on for a while and I can't imagine how hard it is for you having this happen constantly. This can understandably take its toll and I'm sorry to hear how much it's affecting you. It's really nice to hear your mum's cousin has got your back. It's so important to have support like this particularly from our own family. Has she given you much advice on what you can do to try and help things at home?
Hope you're feeling okay today
But parents will always tell of their own kids off as need to learn what real life would be like. Cause can you imagine doing bad things at home then still thinking its socially accaptable to do them outside. But i do get that there comes to a point where being told off is too much and over done and is controlling and done in a horrible way which so i do agree that can be wrong and if its done in horrible blaming way - sorry you have to deal with that. As home enviroments affects so much of how you feel.
But when youre older you views on wanting kids & family may change - i know youre adamant on it tho. Not all families are same
I agree that parents should be able to tell other kids- of they do something wrong if - their parent wasnt there and that it was reasonable in calm way. But i can see why parent may not want to say may feel not their place to.
I don't think that's something anybody wants to hear, but it doesn't mean there isn't an element of truth to it. Relationship problems are very rarely down to one party.
Looks like you need to have a chat with your parents explain how you feel, but on the flip side, you may have to show some understanding of their feelings.
I'm sure my kids hate me sometimes, but everything I do is for their benefit, including disciplining them. I'm partly responsible for bringing them into this world and it's my responsibility as a parent to ensure they're safe and well prepared for life. That doesn't mean being nice 100% of the time.
Are you in full-time education or are you working and paying rent?
Reading through your posts, I can see that you've been struggling with boundary issues with your parents for a while now. You can always come here for a rant- we'll listen. Personally, I don't have a very close relationship with my father, and my mother died when I was very young, so I can understand where you're coming from in some respects. I've mostly kept my private life separate from my dad since I was a teenager.