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The frustration is too much to bare, I want to give up
I just finished some important exams, I was very stressed, and now I'm entering vacation. I don't want to. Pressure was keeping me away from my problems, even though I had daily mental breakdowns which lead to self harm, I just feel worse now that I have time for myself again. I just feel so frustrated about everything. I can't get over my ex, I don't think I ever will. I don't know why but nothing works. Actually I know why, I should've thrown the memories away when I had the opportunity, now I'm not physically and mentally capable of it anymore, whenever I try to I just freeze and end up keeping the stuff she gave me. I'm frustrated because nothing is getting better, dealing with just living is costing me so much energy that the few hobbies I have are basically the only reasons I can still say I'm living and not surviving. So much energy, wasted, useless, that's all I can do, nothing. I'm weak because I'm in love with somebody who doesn't love me back, and I'm in love because I'm weak and I can't bare myself. Things are not moving, and time doesn't heal. I feel like I'm doing so much, but my friend is right, I'm not trying to make it better. I don't want to get better, because getting better means not loving anymore. Why do I even love her, I knew her for barely one year, this whole situation is stupid. Time is flying too quickly, it hurts, yet I feel like I have been heartbroken for 20 years. Again, my friend is right, the girl I love just doesn't care about me anymore, she doesn't hate me, she just doesn't care. I think I would prefer her punchin me than her just not caring. I'm sorry, I feel like I'm just posting the same thing over and over again expecting that writing his will somewhat solve everything, because it feels great to write it down. I'm sorry.
“You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.”