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relapse/anxiety

- . - possible TW - . -

hellooo, possible TW on this post because i'll be talking about eating disorders and anxiety --

I've been in ED recovery about a year, ish, and even though it's been hard, I really thought I was getting through it - I ate what I should and really really really tried to recover. I wanted to recover and say "i got through that." However recently things have gotten bad and I feel like I'm completely relapsing. I won't go into details about what I've ate, but all the bad feelings/thoughts are completely coming back and I want to do what I did a year ago and i'm not sure how to stop it because when it starts, it's hard to stop it going down and down and down. I've tried to fight them off, but it is so exhausting having to have a constant battle with yourself before every meal, then in turn having the questions asked by people around you again.

In turn, I feel pretty bad about myself. Like, I've been recovering so why should i suddenly start struggling again, type feelings and it's not been very good. I've also felt pretty lonely recently - like I don't really have anyone to talk to if I'm feeling a bit sad or anything because I was never a "popular" girl - I don't have many friends and  the friends I do have live ages and ages away so I don't get to see them much which is : (.

i've also been feeling very anxious lately, like, very. more so than usual. i've not wanted to talk to people because i feel a "bother" or "annoying". and then if i do eventually talk to someone, i'll probably back out because i'm afraid they don't care or i don't want to be  a burden. it's not a very good cycle and i kinda need a bit of advice if there is any

thankyou take care :>

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,680 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy,

    you have been doing so well and I know it can feel like "relaspe" but i do hate that word because it makes it sound like you have restarted. Tho relapse is part of recovery. All heard the saying of "bump in the road" (i dont want to miminise what youre saying - it can feel more like a bump but the content will help me with am saying) ....what i mean is that while youre on a road trip and hit an obstacle/"bump in the road" - you dont start your road trip right from the beginining again. All the things in the past are still there and you have still came very far and ways you have coped before and what you have learnt are still also with you. 

    I think youre doing as well as you can and challenging your thoughts as well as you can & i think being able to see this helps a lil. & also just the fact youre focusing on where you feel youre not doing so well - shows lot of determination in itself of wanting change. Which i have personally found the most important thing in ED recovery

    And is also great youre realising this & seeking help from here.
    Have you got anyone else you could tell t try to find more support?gp ect?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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