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relapse/anxiety

- . - possible TW - . -

hellooo, possible TW on this post because i'll be talking about eating disorders and anxiety --

I've been in ED recovery about a year, ish, and even though it's been hard, I really thought I was getting through it - I ate what I should and really really really tried to recover. I wanted to recover and say "i got through that." However recently things have gotten bad and I feel like I'm completely relapsing. I won't go into details about what I've ate, but all the bad feelings/thoughts are completely coming back and I want to do what I did a year ago and i'm not sure how to stop it because when it starts, it's hard to stop it going down and down and down. I've tried to fight them off, but it is so exhausting having to have a constant battle with yourself before every meal, then in turn having the questions asked by people around you again.

In turn, I feel pretty bad about myself. Like, I've been recovering so why should i suddenly start struggling again, type feelings and it's not been very good. I've also felt pretty lonely recently - like I don't really have anyone to talk to if I'm feeling a bit sad or anything because I was never a "popular" girl - I don't have many friends and  the friends I do have live ages and ages away so I don't get to see them much which is : (.

i've also been feeling very anxious lately, like, very. more so than usual. i've not wanted to talk to people because i feel a "bother" or "annoying". and then if i do eventually talk to someone, i'll probably back out because i'm afraid they don't care or i don't want to be  a burden. it's not a very good cycle and i kinda need a bit of advice if there is any

thankyou take care :>

Lucy307

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 14,401 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Heyy,

    you have been doing so well and I know it can feel like "relaspe" but i do hate that word because it makes it sound like you have restarted. Tho relapse is part of recovery. All heard the saying of "bump in the road" (i dont want to miminise what youre saying - it can feel more like a bump but the content will help me with am saying) ....what i mean is that while youre on a road trip and hit an obstacle/"bump in the road" - you dont start your road trip right from the beginining again. All the things in the past are still there and you have still came very far and ways you have coped before and what you have learnt are still also with you. 

    I think youre doing as well as you can and challenging your thoughts as well as you can & i think being able to see this helps a lil. & also just the fact youre focusing on where you feel youre not doing so well - shows lot of determination in itself of wanting change. Which i have personally found the most important thing in ED recovery

    And is also great youre realising this & seeking help from here.
    Have you got anyone else you could tell t try to find more support?gp ect?
    “ i think that deep down you still think life is worth living. It’s no where near over for you. You’re in pain. The thing you lost, Is the same thing that can stop that pain”
    Lucy307
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