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Friends and stuff

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
in Sex & Relationships
So i'm alright at actually just talking to people randomly.
How do you actually make like proper friends tho. What's the secret to that lol 
How do you make it click for both you and the other person? How do you show that you are a good friend? Not just a random person that occasionally they talk to.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hey @tkdog,

     It's interesting you make a distinction between talking to randomers and talking to a good friend because I actually find I often speak to strangers as honestly and openly as I do to my closest friends. It's something about their remoteness that allows me to be completely open with who I am.

    Anyway, are you asking about someone who you are talking to in person, or online? Because the context affects how a relationship develops quite significantly...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @tkdog

    It's quite a skill to talk to people randomly first of all! I'm crap at that!

    I think to make deeper connections with people you can try to get to know them a little more seriously than the light hearted conversations you would have with randoms :)  I'd ask questions about how they feel, what has shaped them as a person (what their family, childhood were like etc) to try and understand them a bit more. If they don't open up about anything with you, that's OK just don't focus on trying to have close relationships with those people, find others that will. 

    Hope that helps a little? 

    - Lucy
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    To make friends all i do is remember "everyone loves to talk about themselves". As selfish as sounds but is true.  and then ive found conversations last longer and then feel better & not just random & get to know them and be interested. As tbh when i used to speak to people. I used to be quite blunt and didnt get far making friend. Aha. Like theyd ask me something about my life and id either answer really blunt lol and not even ask them & people just like talkin about themselves aha
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
    Hiya,
    Thanks for the replies <3
    Sooo I'm specifically talking about only in person offline interactions. With online or text yeah the dynamics are different.
    Sometimes yeah the stranger thing helps me be more honest in some cases because i know if i mess up it doesnt matter as much. But other times it helps to know a person well to build up that familarity. Though I love the excitement of talking to someone random.

    I'm not always sure who to stay loyal to and if i should risk it to spend time with other ppl.
    Because when you spend time with one person you miss out on interactions with others particularly with shy person perhaps or if ur already in a big group of ppl. And im not great at asking ppl to hang out, some ppl i know are too busy to anyways. But yeah I think it is true people enjoy talking about themselves at least to some extent or about their interests, i guess that is something i can think about. I dont hang out with a lot of ppl outside studying so yeah i would like to but only with people i feel established with and im not sure always how to go about with that. And of course i want space to be myself not lie about who i am. I feel like this stuff is really complicated ;P or maybe its simple and i overthink it. 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hey @tkdog

    I can really relate to what you said about worrying about spending time with one person because you don't want to miss out spending time with another person. However, i think if someone is a really good friend, they will understand that you have other relationships! If you are having trouble deciding who you want to spend time with, maybe just think about who you enjoy the company of the most.

    I'm not great at asking people to hang out either and I think it is something a lot of people have trouble with. I think it makes it easier when you find shared interests with them e.g. get talking about films that are out at the moment and maybe you could ask them to go and see it with you
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