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Sex stresses me out?

quietfawnquietfawn Posts: 1 Just got here
So this is my first post, hello!

i have a bit of a problem with sex, i suppose. i have been in 2 serious relationships in my life and i'm currently in the 2nd. we are both 19, i'm female and he is male. 
i'm not sure what the issue is but i cant seem to enjoy sex. i overthink it and whenever i feel like we are starting to get intimate i get stressed and tell him that i don't want to do anything more than kiss. even then, sometimes i don't feel like kissing. i often go through with sex just because i'm frustrated with myself for always backing out and feeling like i am not enough for my boyfriend. he does not pressure me, but i feel bad for how i feel sometimes.
i don't think i am asexual because i want to want to have sex, and i don't think i'm sex-repulsed

i have known i like both male and female (or other) most of my life, however i think i definitely have a much, much greater preference for females- to the point that perhaps i am slightly confused about it. when my last relationship ended i was sure that i would never be with a man again, but it just so happened that i ended up with my current boyfriend. i love him, and he is really wonderful. but i am wondering if it is the fact that he is a man that i am not sexually attracted to? when i am on my own, thinking of men in a sexual way usually makes me feel uncomfortable and gross. but thinking of women sexually feels comfortable, but how do i know whether that isn't just because i am curious, since i have never been with a woman (sexually) before.

the other option is that perhaps i am just not interested in sex generally, and i have a very low sex drive. i looked into something called hypoactive sexual desire disorder and the symptoms are pretty bang on with how i feel. i rarely masturbate on my own (although i have been trying to do it more recently to perhaps learn more about how i'm feeling, but i almost never desire to masturbate). 

i'm not sure if any of you relate, or have any advice or support for me?

my boyfriend is very understanding and patient, and he is supporting me really well throughout this, he knows how i am feeling about women, too. i'm really not sure what to do. we have tried experimenting with new things, etc. and nothing seems to make a difference.

thank you in advance!


  • Options
    LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Hey fawn it's great that you're being so open in trying to figure out your feelings :)

    I can see it's a big struggle right now,  

    The key thing I saw here is you said "thinking of men in a sexual makes you feel uncomfortable and gross" but thinking of women "feels comfortable"
    This sounds like you could be sexually attracted to women and not men. 

    Do you still enjoy kissing and cuddling with your boyfriend?  You could just be attracted to men romantically or platonically.

    The other one is that you could have a low sex drive.

    Have you talked to anyone about how you feel?  Maybe try a counsellor? 

    We're all here for you x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
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