Needing help and guidance

Former Member

Hi All,
I'm hoping someone can help me, and sorry for the long post it is my first ever post and I need some help. I'm not sure if it is just me that feels like this, or if it is normal for a 22 year old to have these issues and they are a phase that will eventually pass.

I feel like I have always suffered from mental health issues however this past week I have been finding really tough and emotional.

I'm not sure if it is a build up of lots of different factors that I am over analysing or what, but I just seem to be evaluating my life and that it does not seem to be good enough.

I didn't go to uni and I work everyday. Recently I have been going out alot more with my best mate on nights out drinking (which I really enjoy, and have a really great time) however although we are 22, I feel like this won't last forever as all of my mates are finishing uni and getting jobs. Also as we get older I doubt we will be able to do this as much as we will all be working, and as we get older I don't feel like this would be a socially acceptable thing to do as you don't see typically see older men on nights out (unless I am wrong). This is depressing me as it is making me realise that I am truly entering adult hood and I'm finding this a vary scary concept, especially as at the moment I am just trying to have fun with my mates.

As well as this, as my mates are finishing uni and getting jobs i know this is something they need to do, but it makes me very upset as some of them are moving away for jobs and so I won't see them as much. This makes me feel incredibly lonely as I don't have many friends and the ones I do, seem to be moving away. I'm also not sure how to make new friends as I didn't go to uni (so have no uni friends, only school friends) and I'm also quite shy. I get more upset by this as I see my school friends with all their uni friends, and so this depresses me further as I can count my true friends that I talk to and spend time with on one hand, where as they seem to have lots of friends at uni.

I'm also questioning my long time plan, such as career wise. Yes I have a job now however I'm unsure what I want to do in the long term, and I find this worrying as I always like to know what's ahead and plan things out. Like wise I'm single, and worry about what if I never find a life partner or someone l love and truly care about, and carry on my life alone. There is one girl I talk too from school who I like however I'm not sure she likes me back. I'm also confused about my sexuality and want to experiment and don't want to hurt her, but then don't know whether it is a phase that will pass.

I do have some very dark thoughts, especially at night about ending my life and this pain that I feel on a daily basis. However something seems to stop me from carrying out these thoughts and ending it all (I suppose that is a good thing), I'm not sure if it's that I feel like I would disappoint and let people down more than I do already as I feel like no one likes me or even notices or cares about me.

I just want some guidance and someone to help me on how I can control these thoughts, or I fear I will have to end things as I can't see how things can get any easier.

Thank you for reading, and I would truly appreciate any help from anyone.

George.

Former Member

Heyyy @Past User, welcome. I'm really sorry you're going through all that.

Just gonna walk through different parts of your post, hope you don't mind:)

Past User said:

I didn't go to uni and I work everyday. Recently I have been going out alot more with my best mate on nights out drinking (which I really enjoy, and have a really great time) however although we are 22, I feel like this won't last forever as all of my mates are finishing uni and getting jobs. Also as we get older I doubt we will be able to do this as much as we will all be working, and as we get older I don't feel like this would be a socially acceptable thing to do as you don't see typically see older men on nights out (unless I am wrong). This is depressing me as it is making me realise that I am truly entering adult hood and I'm finding this a vary scary concept, especially as at the moment I am just trying to have fun with my mates.

Aw, sounds tough buddy. Also, I think that'd be socially acceptable enough, and even if anyone thought it was weird, who cares? You have fun and you do you, whatever the standards are and whatever your age is. You'll always be able to have fun with mates, remember that. I know that doesn't change stuff though

Past User said:

As well as this, as my mates are finishing uni and getting jobs i know this is something they need to do, but it makes me very upset as some of them are moving away for jobs and so I won't see them as much. This makes me feel incredibly lonely as I don't have many friends and the ones I do, seem to be moving away. I'm also not sure how to make new friends as I didn't go to uni (so have no uni friends, only school friends) and I'm also quite shy. I get more upset by this as I see my school friends with all their uni friends, and so this depresses me further as I can count my true friends that I talk to and spend time with on one hand, where as they seem to have lots of friends at uni.

Totally understandable that's making you feel incredibly lonely. And I can understand not knowing how to make new friends, I'm kinda shy too tbh.

Past User said:

I'm also questioning my long time plan, such as career wise. Yes I have a job now however I'm unsure what I want to do in the long term, and I find this worrying as I always like to know what's ahead and plan things out. Like wise I'm single, and worry about what if I never find a life partner or someone l love and truly care about, and carry on my life alone. There is one girl I talk too from school who I like however I'm not sure she likes me back. I'm also confused about my sexuality and want to experiment and don't want to hurt her, but then don't know whether it is a phase that will pass.

Hm, would you like to talk through career choices while we're here (optional, don't feel obliged lol)? Does it feel like there's no options, or too many, if that makes sense? And do you have any interests at all (such as technology, helping others etc)?

You will find someone x Nice there's a girl from school you like. It's natural to wanna experiment, but I get you also don't want to hurt her. I don't suppose you can tell her about that?

Past User said:

I do have some very dark thoughts, especially at night about ending my life and this pain that I feel on a daily basis. However something seems to stop me from carrying out these thoughts and ending it all (I suppose that is a good thing), I'm not sure if it's that I feel like I would disappoint and let people down more than I do already as I feel like no one likes me or even notices or cares about me.

It's definitely a good thing. Also I don't know you but I bet you're awesome, and I care - so I'm sure many people out there would like/notice/care about you so much (or already do if they know ya).

So reading your post, it sounds like you're experiencing some pretty depressive feelings, loneliness, and kind of doubt/worry/hopelessness about everything. Would you say that's right or wrong? And in the first section I quoted, you mentioned being scared of entering adulthood, is that because of feeling doubtful and maybe not knowing what to do with your life, or is it something different?

Have you seeked any help for this?

I'm exhausted so I hope this reply wasn't too badly written or just made you feel worse or anything! Regardless, I really sympathise:( I'm wishing you all the best man.