"But you do it too"

Former Member

It really pisses me off when people point out that I'm always moaning about how people treat me but i hardly think about how I treat other people. People always upset me directly and intentionally but I never mean to upset people and it's not direct. Like my parents are forever telling me off for stuff I do by accident or get bothered by me doing stuff I simply like to do such as sleeping in, being on my phone 24/7, procrastinating house chores and not wanting to join family activities cuz I want time to myself. And say it depends on me whether they have a go at me or not when the things I do are by accident and they have no right to tell me what to do in my spare times especially as I'm an adult. Or my siblings saying I nag them about getting on my nerves when again they upset me directly whereas people nag me for stuff I do indirectly like blowing my nose loud or imitating little kids talking and saying it over and over to myself. Or my classmates in college who upset me and then say I upset them by always suspecting they're talking about me behind my back and telling on them to a teacher and being too sensitive when they just want to have a banter with me and be my friend when I didn't want to. People may say they don't mean to be nasty to me by telling me off or teasing me but talking in that way is nasty itself whether they mean it like that or not.

Former Member

Hi there,

I completely agree with you when you said that even if people aren't intentionally nasty, if what they say causes you to feel hurt, it is nasty!

However, sometimes, I can find it hard to think about the impact that my words and actions have had on others.

I'm just wondering, have you ever felt able to have a conversation with any of the groups you mentioned about how their words can sometimes hurt?

Former Member

Calling me rude and a bully as well for having a go at someone who was really rude to me first and made me extremely angry. They deserve my anger and rudeness. They won't listen when i try to explain what went wrong nicely at the beginning which is what it all heat up. It depends on them how angry I get, they start it all hence have no right to be mad at me for firing at them. Why should I control myself when they won't control themselves first? I hate hearing that it doesn't matter who started it and it takes two to start, the one who started it is the one who started it and again they wouldn't listen when I tell them to stop nicely. This particularly happens with my siblings and classmates back at school. It happened this morning until I ended up crying. It was nothing new with my brother as he torments me usually and we hardly have any relationship now. And even tho my sister apologised I'm still raging that I thought of an awesome comeback after the argument was over about trying to say nicely but her not wanting to listen (I so hate when I think of the best thing to say afterwards!)