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Ridiculously Sick of Financial Struggles

MarziolfMarziolf Posts: 1 Just got here

I'm at an uncomfortable point where I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself because it feels nothing can go anywhere. My mum and me.. have, a difficult relationship aside. 

But, due to her own financial struggles I feel as if I just can't get anywhere, she takes all of my money. I don't even have my own bank account, I can't drive and when ever I start to feel quite sorry for myself I end up like. "Well damn it must just all be my fault!" I'm 20, still live at home -- I had a not awful paying job for half a year, I quit it for a better job to make much better money but only temporary and still. She takes all my money. And even if I say "I need money." for something I have to convince her it's worth it and it feels so awful. 
[Yeah, I can randomly say BUY ME A GAME. But. One game on my money that I'm not getting isn't, me saving for a car to actually live.]

We're multiple months behind on the rent and because of that, I feel I can't say "You can't have all my money. " When this job is finished, I myself will be out of a job entirely and with all the paychecks going to trying to pay the landlord I'll still have nothing but sorry feelings for myself. And the landlord still won't be paid so I'm lead on to believe any money I continue to make will still be taken from me.
On top of this I get, "You didn't pay any rent for 18 years!" I was quite literally told I could not get a job, I'd have no ride. It would mess with things if I got a job.

And I know it's so awful but my partner is.. well, he's a bit older than I [23] and seeing his life, being done with uni, supportive parents, his own car..I feel like I can only hold him back because I feel so behind-- and I don't know if I can blame myself or blame my home life and mothers financial struggles.. it all just gets to me and I have no idea how to go about trying to be a self sufficient adult.  She always blames everyone else for all financial struggles and it just makes me more sour. I sit there like, yeah you chose to let a crazy many take precedence, you chose to support everyone else. To not just try to get a better paying job and to always treat me like a piece of poo the majority of the time. And now I just sit there like, "And now we're here and I'm working and I'm not going to higher education b/c I need to work and you emotionally guilt me into everything."

I just have no idea what to do, I feel so damn awful and so lost and like nothing can ever get better financially and I'll be stuck in this hole forever no matter what I do because nothing ever seems to help. 


  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey there, 

    Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds really difficult for you. A few thoughts I had while reading:
    It's not your fault.
    It's not awful about your partner - I'd feel similar.
    I totally understand feeling that way, but things can get better financially and you won't be stuck in this hole forever.  

    Though I get that she has financial issues, she doesn't have a right to do this, you've got a life to live. Can she get a better job, or depending, is there a benefit she could start? Or maybe if it's desperate she can get a loan? Does she have another relative or friend who could lend her some money (as long as she doesn't do what she's doing with you to them...)? Cause if there's a way she can get more money, I'd suggest that you tell her nicely but firmly that you won't let her take your money anymore.

    Best wishes and hope your situation improves asap.

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,299 Skive's The Limit
    edited January 2019
    Heyy. Welcome to the site. 

    Hate to make it sound so easy (as can guess its probably not being emotionaly forced) but it seems the only way to stop this is just to say no to her. What would happen if you did? You dont have to give her as much as you do as you clearly need it for yourself. She should be able to find a way herself. Could you open up an bank account ? Is she going to pay you back?
    im sorry i dont have answers for you & that you have probably thought about different ways of helping yourself so im not sure. Sounds like a horrible situtation which i hope you can find a way out of. 

    Turn2Us have some information on their website about financial advice and support which you might find helpful. 
    Post edited by TheMix on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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