Don’t know what to do

Former Member

I am rather new to all of this so I should probably give some basic background information to everything going on in my life. I’ve always struggled to talk to people and hold conversation due to my asperges which makes me mess up a lot of things and say some of the most stupid things in social situations. Anyway during my gcse I got the news that my mam has cancer which obviously broke my heart, and has made me feel emotions and things I’ve never experienced as I have been quite sheltered from things. Anyway after that my performance suffered due to stress and worry but I got into my preferred sixth form on the scholarship I wanted. While the start of the year went well everything has turned down hill recently. In October I started just feeling down and tired and started having panic attacks for the first time in my life and then in November my life turned upside down with the news my Mams cancer is stage 4 (terminal) This made me feel really down and sad and caused me to start excluding myself from my friendship group as I don’t know how to deal with everything. Over Christmas time I started to contemplate ending it all as it’s very difficult to sit at night and listen to your Mam cry in pain and see your siblings in tears when you have to be the strong one. Things got better towards the end as I was talking to some friends and putting myself back out there but recently everything has went down hill and I’m stuck at a important crossroad. I’m still excluding myself however I feel like they are starting to hate and dislike me they removed me from their private stories on snapchat (It sounds like something small but if you have never experienced a lot of social interaction that’s a big thing) and now they’ve stopped all social media contact with the one who I talked to the most just breaking contact even though I’m sure she only talked to me because she thought my friends were attractive and when she found they were single she didn’t message me again. Mix this with the fact I feel stupid because I have just been tested for dyslexia and while typing my spelling isn’t bad in all writing it is and my handwriting is unreadable, my friend attempting suicide and me feeling guilty because if it, my other best friend leaving me and finally messing up my chance at getting my crush because of me saying stupid things I really feel just down and sad especially for the last 2 months and I’d like some advice on how to start sorting everything out as I think it may not be to late and I want to do well at school and everything is falling in on itself. Sorry for how long this is. 

Former Member

Hey there,

I'm so sorry about everything @Past User. It sounds pretty tough at the moment

You're right in that it's not too late to sort things out. Remember there's a way out of this and things can get easier, and I'm glad you want to sort everything out. Just posting your story on here is a good start.

How would you feel about seeing a therapist? Not sure if that's something you'd want or can do, but I thought I'd just throw the idea in - it sounds like you've been going through a lot of things the past months, and I'm just wondering if it would help to talk it through with someone, and they can help you think of ways to cope and what to do next.

One thing is to write your feelings and problems down, one at a time, and take your time to work through these feelings. This may help you to make sense of everything a bit more, and find possible options and solutions. As a random example, if something bothering you was feeling ugly, you can ask yourself how you're feeling about that and why, and after some time you might work out that your hair is particularly bugging you and you'd feel a little bit better to get a new haircut. Or if you're purely feeling insecure and depressed and can't snap out of it, you may determine that you need medication. You keep asking yourself questions and working through it all, until you find the problem and what you're going to do to help yourself feel better. Stuff like that can help some people, but obviously, it depends on who you are and what you're facing, so not sure if this would be useful for you or if you feel able to do it in the first place.

Take some time to care for yourself bud, also if you ever need to vent we're here. And really sorry this isn't helpful, I'm in a bit of a rush ha but just wanted to show my support and send best wishes.

Former Member

fe turned upside down with the news my Mams cancer is stage 4 (terminal) This made me feel really down and sad and caused me to start excluding myself from my friendship group as I don’t know how to deal with everything. Over Christmas time I started to contemplate ending it all as it’s very difficult to sit at night and listen to your Mam cry in pain and see your siblings in tears when you have to be the strong one. Things got better towards the end as I was talking to some friends and putting myself back out there but recently everything has went down hill and I’m stuck at a important crossroad. I’m still excluding myself however I feel like they are starting to hate and dislike me they removed me from their private stories on snapchat (It sounds like something small but if you have never experienced a lot of social interaction that’s a big thing) and now they’ve stopped all social media contact with the one who I talked to the most just breaking contact even though I’m sure she only talked to me because she thought my friends were attractive and when she found they were single she didn’t message me again. Mix this with the fact I feel stupid because I have just been tested for dyslexia and while typing my spelling isn’t bad in all writing it is and my handwriting is unreadable, my friend attempting suicide and me feeling guilty because if it, my other best friend leaving me and finally messing up my chance at getting my crush because of me saying stupid things I really feel just down and sad especially for the last 2 months and I’d like some advice on how to start sorting everything out as I think it may not be to late and I want to do well at school and everything is falling in on itself. Sorry for how long this is. 

Hi bpro

Welcome to the boards, it's great that you've found us although I'm sorry to hear how tough things are for you, it sounds like you've had a really difficult time with your mum's health and your friendship group.

Have you been able to tell anyone how you're feeling, maybe GP?

You mentioned over Christmas you felt like ending it all, although I'm glad you say things got a bit better. There are lots of helplines you can reach out to if you need:
The Mix Crisis messenger are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 if you are feeling in crisis.

Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

How have things been since you posted?

Caroline

Siena

Hey

and welcome to the site. All lovely people here so hope we can help. 

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum's diagnose and everything else that you have going on:(. I think youre doing more well than you think. Its natural to feel a lot of impact by all of it but need support sometimes - have you tried going to your gp ? 

Wish i could help more but sure what to say. https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/cancer-chat Cancer research have an online forum & may find some comfort from those in similarcposition as you. 

I hope your Mum &  you & your family manage okay in these next few months. And let us know how things go. Please take lots of care of yourself, 

Former Member

Heyyy @Past User

Its amazing to see that on your first post you can already be so open and honest with the people here. The bravery it must have taken to write all of that out, and then post it, clearly shows how much you want to sort things out and I think things are definitely not too late. 

It sounds like there are several things that you wish to address, and so just for the sake of being clear (and because I know that lists always help me whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed), I thought I might just list what it sounds like you are dealing with. Disclaimer: this list is not in order of importance. 
1)  How your mum's diagnosis makes you feel
2) How having to be strong for your siblings makes you feel
3) How your changing relationship with your friendship group makes you feel
4) How the recent dyslexia diagnosis makes you feel
5) How your relationship with your crush makes you feel 
6) How your new sixth form is making you feel

It might be worth thinking about each of these bullet points, and considering which points you feel are affecting you more severely and which are maybe not so serious right now. Then perhaps you could go about addressing the really important ones first, and then dealing with the slightly less important ones afterwards. 

You say that this whole ordeal has been affecting you ever since your GCSEs, which is potentially almost a year ago. Just remember that unfortunately things won't fix themselves overnight. It's been a long struggle already but you are certainly stronger for it and now you can turn things around. But it will just take some time  

Anyway, I hope you find some of this useful and I will be thinking of you a lot @Past User