What to do when your partner is losing love for you?

Former Member

Hi to anyone who is going to read this..

I am a young female early that just entered her 20s. I suffer from anxiety, depression and low self esteem since a young age due to a rough and abusive childhood, and the lack of love I was given as I was being raised. I have a history of more abusive relationships and now that Im finally in a healthy relationship..I am on the brink of probably losing it..

I fell in love with a man, who first fell deeply for me since the beginning. He had so much love at the start. He would be there for me all the time, have the urge to contact me everyday, send love notes, support me on anything even if it was silly. He was the first one who actually supported my art when my parent didnt.. 

But I generally feel like I messed up because I took that love for granted ad because of my mental illness and my negative perspective of life... I feel like I really ruined our relationship for being pessimistic about a lot of things.

And the past few weeks.. Ive never felt so distant with him. Just yesterday, he told me.. he doesnt know anymore about our relationship and he is confused. He told me he has stopped needing me for a while now.. 

I don't know what to do..what is the most positive and heathiest thing I can do for myself and our relationship?

Former Member

Heya, and welcome to the boards. I'm sorry to hear this, and everything you've gone through

First, I think you and him could perhaps try to talk to each other about your relationship and your feelings. It sounds like there could be confusion and worry going on, and talking honestly about it all may help you both figure out what to do next. It may turn out that you should break up. You say in the title he's losing love for you, and you say he told you he has stopped needing you for a while now? If there's not true love on both sides, if it's only causing misery, it's probably best to let it go. That would be really sad, though if that is the case, what I can tell you is that you can get through it and you can find a healthy, loving and lasting relationship (if wanted) xo But, things very well might be able to be worked out, in which case good for you:)

Whatever happens, we're all supporting you bud

independent_

Hiya,

It's always hard to hear that your partner doesn't feel the same way, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I definitely agree that you could definitely try talking it through - get your feelings out there, encourage him to open up to you about his. Communication is so important in healthy relationships. 

However, if that doesn't work, and the relationship is causing you more problems, then it may be better for you if it is broken off. Things like this are unlikely to be doing your wellbeing any good. It's hard, I get that, but there are plenty of fantastic people out there - he might just not be the right one for you. 

I hope you're okay  

Former Member

Hey,
That must be really difficult for you, and very frustrating, and I wonder if there's a sense of guilt there?
Relationships are complicated in their nature and take alot of work, and they are just one factor in many things swirling around in life.
The important thing is to work out where you both are, voice your needs and feelings, and try to understand each other. Perhaps the relationship isn't best for you, and perhaps there's just miscommunications and/or you are both in different places. But you won't know if you don't talk openly.
Some guys find it hard to sit down and chat straight off, so perhaps plan to go on a walk together, like a big park, and have some questions in mind. If he's not sure, give him space to answer and listen carefully to what he says, and reflect back to him so he knows you've heard him, and switch round.
Not wanting to talk at all is a bad sign, but see what happens.
Feel free to come back and chat further with us if you need to.
DangerousDave

Former Member

Hey there, 

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I know how difficult it is to come to terms with an abusive childhood. You're very brave for acknowledging your mental illnesses. It's easy to blame yourself for failings in a relationship, especially if you have low self-esteem. However, as the other posters have said, relationships are complicated and it's not healthy to simply blame one party or another. Just remember that how he's feeling might not necessarily be a reflection on you. 

I know that the anxiety around communicating your needs and wants can be overwhelming but I'd definitely recommend you talk honestly and calmly with your partner to figure things out. It may turn out that he's been looking for an opportunity to discuss his emotions with you, and it may bring you closer together

Definitely feel free to pop back into this thread and let us know how it goes