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Let me do what I want!!!!

sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 49 Cool Newbie
I'm really really really triple extreme sick of being expected to do things with others at home when I'd just want to slope off and do my own things and be by myself just because we're a family and they wind me up when I say so. Like when it's dinner/lunch time and I'm having a wash instead and when I tell them to quit pestering me and let me do what I want they say they'll eat all the food. Or when I decide not to go out somewhere with them cuz I hate playing happy families all the time and they say they'll all buy something special and I won't be getting it, or they got to meet with a friend of mine. And of course a stupid camping holiday suggestion in a tent which I absolutely hate the sound of. It's so unfair,  I'm an adult now, I can do whatever I please at home and if I want to be by myself and do my own things they must respect that hence not everything has to be done together simply cuz we're family, including prayer and meal times and outings. I so wish I was never part of the family at all. I hate them to bits. I'm especially tired of having younger siblings who don't want to try to understand how I feel and parents who agree with how they see the situation. I don't ever ever ever want a family of my own, that's one thing. I don't like telling my parents how I feel about this directly, they'll just respond harshly saying they have every right to boss me about no matter how old I am and I'm still living under their roof and I'll always be part of the family no matter what. Well being part of the family also means respecting my feelings of wanting to be alone hence excluding myself from family activities and do my own stuff.
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Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 3,482 Ultimate Poster
    Hey. I agree with you. My family can be the same sometimes and it’s kinda annoying. And don’t understand that you want to be by myself. But you totally have the right to and should respect your personal space and can’t force you do take part in things you’re not interested in or rather be by yourself. 
    Kindness begins from the understanding that we all struggle.
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 472 Rampant Poster
    Hey, I get the frustration, I felt similarly sometimes when living with my family. Have you thought about suggesting you make some of your own meals? As it sounds like meal times are one of the frustrations. There might be a small step like that which might help by having your own space/doing your own thing.

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 49 Cool Newbie
    I mean when it's a meal time but I want to do something else instead like take a shower or let off steam texting friends, rather than eat with them
  • MathsLilyMathsLily UKPosts: 14 Fast Newbie
    Hello sozforhappy,

    I am so sorry that you feel this way, you are correct, you are an adult and deserve your own independence and space. As long as you are not doing anything illegal or physically harming others, you can do whatever you wish to. I too am having issues at home with my family, they just do not want to listen to me and they constantly force me to be unhappy so I am considering moving out. Can i ask have you ever thought about asking for student housing or moving away? This could be something that can help you. Though, either way, explaining to them that you need to be independent as an adult should help you :) i send my blessings and am here for you
  • sozforhappysozforhappy LondonPosts: 49 Cool Newbie
    I can't move away yet as I haven't got a job and my parents still want me to do uni over here of I ever go cuz they don't wanna pay for accomodation.
  • MsBingoMsBingo Posts: 35 Cool Newbie
    Hey @sozforhappy ;

    I can really hear your frustration and I definitely agree what others have said about you deserving your own space and independence.

    If you can't get physical space from them, maybe you could try doing an activity that they aren't involved in? Something like volunteering or joining a society if you do go to uni.


  • ValerialettoValerialetto Posts: 10 Fast Newbie
    Hey @sozforhappy ,

    To tell that I understand you means to tell nothing))Really, reading your post I remember me like 10 years ago. When I had birthday my parents once asked me how I'd love to celebrate it. When I answered that I'd be happy to celebrate somewhere in cafe with my friends, my dad became furious and told me that it was horrible answer because I was supposed to have the only with to celebrate it with them  =) =) The only thing is that when I was that age I really started to blame myself that I didn't really feel that way as they expected...


    But after some time I started to feel pity to them and love them more (love more doesn't mean that I'm attached to them right now, believe me it's difficult sometimes, but I keep my borders) because I realized how desperate they are to create a happy family that they even do not see any way out but to boss their kids.

    It helped me that time and I still keep this strategy...I tell them that I love them very much, BUT I have some personal things to do which are really important to me.  I always tell it strong (to avoid debates about it) but at the same time very very soft, cause I really want to show them my love and to show that if I do not participate in one more family activity it doesn't mean I don't love them. They were scared to lose me and the bigger was their fear the more aggressively they behaved. So the way out seemed to me just to reassure them in my love)As I experienced it's really difficult for people to boss or to be aggressive if person is kind and understanding to them. ;)

    Maybe your situation can be somehow similar to mine? What do you think?)
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