New Flat Maybe? (Need Urgent Advice)

Former Member

Hello..

So as some of you know I am in a hostel at the moment.. I have 3 days to place my bid for a flat and if I bid I would be number 1... Sounds good right? But.. I don't know if I'm ready, I have bad mental health issues and will struggle with being alone which could end up in me turning to alcohol again.. I won't have staff support 24/7 and will only see someone a few hours a week which is something I will struggle with. I get on with all staff really well and as part of my BPD have attachment issues and it will kill me saying bye to them all. I'm not good in my own company for too long.. I have to move out eventually but do I stay here for another 8-10 months or potentially move out in 2 weeks on my own. I am so scared of the thought and really struggling to make the decision. 

Staff say they think I will cope with having my own flat (such as cooking, cleaning, etc).. but I was discussing it with another resident today and the resident asked if iifelt I was ready to move into a flat and a different resident overheard and without me even being able to answer went "like f*CK is she ready" kind of assuming I'm shit at taking care of myself etc which did hurt.. I know I've had flats in the past and not coped but they were different circumstances, compared to her I know a shit lot more than she does about having a flat. It's hard for me to have faith in myself when I get put down by others.

Is anybody able to offer any advice as I have to make the decision within a few days.. I'm really struggling with this decision.

Thank you in advance.

Former Member

Heya dude, this sounds like a tricky situation for you, and I'm really sorry to hear your mental struggles  

I guess it depends on how you feel. I see you're torn and have concerns. How much do you want/need the flat? If you want it, is there a compromise you can do? Like, is it possible to wait a few months before moving in, or to have a friend/relative stay or visit often while you're settling in? Or maybe you think the flat's not worth it and you wish to stay in the hostel for some time - that could be a good idea if you're not ready.

It's annoying you hardly have time to think, I'd be really anxious  

Try not to let others get you down btw xo 

Sorry if this was no help I'm really tired haha, wishing you the best.

Former Member

Hey @KaydenK, this is a really tricky one, I can see why you're struggling with the decision! And having other people put you down so much like that is really horrible too. I guess really only YOU can know whether you're ready for this or not. I've really struggled with looking after myself at uni because of my mental health problems (BDD and BPD). I go through phases where things are all in hand, and then other phases where I won't eat for a whole day or spend hours in my room crying because it's also really lonely and my parents never call. Living away from home hasn't really worked out so well for me and I've not really coped with it, but that doesn't mean to say you wouldn't. Would there be much support in place to help you if you were struggling? Or could you even come back if things got really bad?

Maybe you could make a pros and cons list? And then rank how important each pro and con is to you out of 10 and tot up the total. I often do that to make hard decisions (because some pros or cons will be worth more to you than others).

I'd also think hard about your motivations for doing it. Like, are you maybe wanting to do it because you're angry about the comments saying that you can't and want to prove them wrong? Or are you wanting to do it because you genuinely want to do it for yourself, regardless of other people?

Another thing I wondered is whether if you have 8-10 months more at the hostel you would be able to get some help to learn and maintain some of the skills you'll need for living out on your own? Like whether you can use that time to help prepare and make sure it definitely works out this time? 

Sorry, I've just thrown some random thoughts out there to get you thinking, not sure how much use they'll be. But best of luck whatever you decide!

Siena

Hey kayden.

I agree with everything that’s been said above. And don’t have anything to add, i just empathsis the fact of making a pros and cons list could be really helpful, thinking ahead and preparing and thinking about support if needed it. 

Wish you all the best either way tho