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This is me!

louise2hannahlouise2hannah Posts: 1 Just got here
edited January 2019 in Introduce Yourself
Hi, my name is Hannah, I am currently on this website, because I am trying to quit self-harming. I started when I was 13 and i have been in many hospitals, and placements to help me, but it never seemed to help! I have gone a whole year without harming before I relapsed again, then I went four months and I relapsed again, I am 5 days clean right now, but sometimes I wonder if when i didn't harm I did it for the wrong reasons. I always promise people I will stop, but I always become their disappointment, and I hate, hating myself, I want to love myself, and I want to do this for me and no one else. I want to make my life as enjoyable as possible, because like is short. I just feel like my life is wasting away, and I feel like no one understands me. Please help me understand what I can't! I am at a group home in WV, and they don't understand how to take in my feelings, I want to scream, but I stay quiet, I want to cry, but my eyes stay dry.How do I get people to understand, when I can't understand myself! I was raped by my biological dad while my mom videoed me, and sold for drugs by my biological parents. I was put into foster care at age 5 and i got adopted at age 7, it took 27 different homes. I was so grateful when they adopted me, but now i just feel like I've let so many people down. Please just give me some Ideas that you think can help, I need all I can get!

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    ArianaAriana Posts: 193 Trailblazer
    So sorry to hear you had such a hard upbringing @louise2hannah and that you struggle so much with self-harm. If you've had a lot of therapy I don't expect I can say anything new, but for what it's worth I can list some things that help me or people I know with their self-harm.

    1. The "Calm Harm" app on Google Play.
    2. Finding an alternative way to let your feelings out. Screaming into a pillow. Breaking things (that are safe to break). Writing all your feelings down then ripping up the paper. Talking to people.
    3. Holding ice or running it up and down were you would usually harm.
    4. Drawing red lines where you would normally harm instead of harming.
    5. Taking a really hot (not scalding) or really cold shower).
    6. Eating something with a really powerful flavour like chili or a strong curry or strong mints.

    I can't think of any others right now, but I will add to this if and when I think of any. Are you getting any kind of therapy or counselling at the moment? 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,565 Skive's The Limit
    Hey and welcome to the site. I am so sorry I don’t have anything useful to say. And I don’t want to end up telling you things you may have already been told. But I am sorry you have gone through all that and still are:(. You seem like you really want to get better & have that hope and determination there and that’s the most important thing sometimes

    wishing you all the best and I am hoping that maybe venting on here maybe useful? Cause we all care about others here and is friendly
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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