Hate hate hate and more hate

Former Member

Hiya I'm new here

I'm so extremely triple sick of my parents saying people will bully me and make fun of me if I imitate little kids talking and say it over and over to thin air and I talk and smile myself. It makes me feel worthless and bad about myself. Repeating what kids say to thin air and talking and smiling to myself is me being myself! It doesn't harm anyone directly and everyone sees and hears things and it's not about them, so people just ought to deal with it! I don't want my parents to protect me, I'm not a little kid! I'm 19, they can't order me around and tell me off and force principles on me as if I'm still a child.

If they're so embarrassed by it well they ought get into their heads that they don't own me whether I'm still their kid or not or still living under their roof. They can't control me like that. I hate them to bits, I don't ever want to speak to them again. If they don't stop their behaviour I'll carry on being angry and no one can stop my temper, I've kept it up for long enough.  I don't care if they're my parents or not, it's up to me who I love and hate most in the world. It doesn't depend on who they are, it depends on how they treat me. I'd give anything to never be their daughter.

The reason I don't bother all that much about strangers bullying me is cuz they don't live under the same roof as me so they can't annoy me 24/7 and they don't even know me anyway so they have no reason to bully me. It's also as if my parents are saying it's my fault if I get bullied, simply because I repeat little kid sayings to thin air and I talk/smile to myself all for my own pleasure and doesn't actually affect anyone. That also backs up that there's no reason for anyone to bully me as I do nothing to anyone and people just ought to keep their judgements to themselves and deal with it. 

If my aforementioned behaviour is not common in the social perspective then why don't my parents just saythat?? Not making me feel bad and down and totally hurt for being myself, when I never hurt anybody and its normal for people to see and hear "crazy" things so again they just ought to deal with it. They don't listen when I tell them how I feel about this, they just harshly and forcefully stick to their point. I can't bear to hear that they only want what's best for me. It's not the best if it upsets and angers me to such extreme. I can't care less about blending in with others anyway.

I've asked my special needs coordinator back at sixth form and my auntie to have a word to them about this. I do hope I'm not giving more burden by doing this on my behalf, as one of them is specially qualified and the other is family. After all my parents will have to take a more assertive attitude hearing it from someone else if not me.

Also as I'm new here, I am not meaning to judge or accuse anyone, but when I rant off about my problems I dont want the listener saying anything against me or agreeing with who or whatever I'm angry with or criticise and reprimand me for how I rant off and tell me that I "mustnt say such things" or tell me to imagine being a parent myself as I don't ever want to be one (whole other thing!). No one should make me feel bad for ranting no matter how bad their life is compared to mine.

Former Member

Hey @Past User Ranting is good! Everyone's free to rant here. I'm new too but I've found people here are very non-judgmental so far, so it's a good place to talk about your feelings.

I think that was a really good idea asking your special needs coordinator and auntie to have a word with your parents, since they're clearly more understanding of your feelings. I really hope they can get across to your parents how badly this is affecting you.

Former Member

Hi Ariana, thank you for replying and acknowledging that youll all always have my back even if you can't exactly do all that much

Former Member

What I'm basically saying is not to bother agreeing or disagreeing to what I say about my problem, just to never agree with the one I'm angry with like by giving reasons as to why they treat me the way they do or saying I'm being too sensitive and overreacting and I must change my mindset or saying it's how things are meant to be and telling me what's what or saying any stuff against me.

Former Member

Being told that I'm the problem is the last thing I wanna be told