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Confused on what to do.

A_D28A_D28 Posts: 1 Just got here
I have a girl messaging me and she wants to date she is 16 and I'm 28. I don't have a problem with her age. I just don't know how other will take it. The messages being sent is as normal as can be. I have said to that I have no issues in talking to her long as all is above board. What I really want to know is do I ask her to ger her parents advice on what their thoughts are of her wanting to date someone who is 12 years older. I had my doubts about the issue but then looking at other relationships where the man or woman has been a good 30+ years older than their partner  I have come round to the the fact that the age gap wouldn't bother me. Any advice would be grateful on the matter. Thanks


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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,565 Skive's The Limit

    I was actually reading one of the The Mixs article awhile ago about age gaps. Here - https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/age-gaps-2917.html
    and it does mention a bit about telling family. I think is best if she gets her parents advice aswell.  

    In my opinion- i dont think there is anything wrong with age gap - if its a healthy relationship. But i just think that it is best to aviod it as can be many complications while youre at different life stages and have having different experiances and expectations. And sometimes younger person can feel pressured into things as can be power imbalance. 

    Hope that helps
    take care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @A_D28

    I dated a guy who was 24 when I was 16 and to be honest the age gap was too much for us at that point. If you think about the restrictions you have when 16 - you can't drink, go to pubs, you can only just start work, etc, sometimes I think the age gap seems bigger because you are going through so many changes, and 16 is one of those ages.

    That said, I think it is a brilliant idea to ask her parents because they will know her best. Also I do know plenty of people who have dated with similar age gaps and it has worked out, I do think getting family/friends involved and 'bought in' to the relationship is really important for that. Let us know how you get on?

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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