unsure of who to turn to

Millie2787

unfortunately yesterday night my sister gave birth to a baby boy called Albi at 15 weeks due to this he was stillborn. He was no bigger than my mums hand and has been a horrible experience not one I would want to wish on anyone 

she was then transferred to our local hospital by ambulance- the crew couldn’t of shown much more care and compassion Towards my sister. At 9:30pm she was rushed into theatre as she’s was losing more blood than they can get into her . Thankfully she’s on the mend and her and her partner are receiving support 

but I’m unsure who I can turn to , it’s been so hard for me even though it didn’t be happen to me so I don’t know who or where I can turn to for support

JustV

Oh my goodness. What an awful thing for you to go through.

Even if we aren't in the centre of something difficult or traumatic, it's completely natural to be affected by it in our own way. You could even argue that it did 'happen to you' - someone very close to you is going through something extremely difficult, and that child was part of your family too.

Support services often recognise that people indirectly affected by these things also need support. You've done the right thing to ask for some help - it's a brave thing to do. Do you know what support your sister and partner are getting?

Cruse Bereavement Care support young people with loss, and might be a good place to go in the first instance: https://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services/get-help

If you'd like something less specialised, SupportLine offer confidential emotional support to anybody, about anything, over the phone: https://www.supportline.org.uk/

How are you feeling about what happened, Millie? Have you spoken to anyone in your family about what happened?

Millie2787

@mike I’m still pretty upset about what’s happened my sister was discharged last night from hostipal so is staying at mine for a few days.
The hostipal have given them a little memory box and it was heartbreaking to my sisters  explain to her 3 year old daughter why Ablie won’t be coming home and that’s he gone to live in the sky 

Shes currently in the process with the hostipal of organising a funeral for little baby albie and she’s been sent loads of well wishes but is unable to open them in the fear she’ll cry 

My sister and her partner are currently having support through the bereavement midwives based at the hospital.

we don’t speak about it too much as it still upsets her and her partner 

thank you you so much Mike x

Former Member

Hey @Millie2787

Really sorry to hear what happened to your sister and to your whole family. Very glad to hear that your sister is doing okay and she's on the mend. And amazing that she is staying with you - hopefully that's making her feel a little bit safer in this uncertain time. Does that mean that your 3 year old niece is also staying with you? 

Mike gave some great signposts to where you might find different types of support. 

Completely understandable that you aren't really talking about it with your sister or her partner yet. A traumatic experience that you are all going through takes time to process so completely natural to take things slowly. 

How are you finding it so far? Is there anything you feel like you want to say but can't?

Remember the Mix is always a safe space for anyone to talk about anything they wish. Sending positive thoughts and wishes to you, your sister, her partner and all of your family

Millie2787

@JamJar That correct My 3 year old is staying with us , it means I’ve been relegated to the sofa until Friday as there staying in my bed
.
im finding it quite difficult but I can’t imagine what’s she’s going through at the moment . I don’t really want to say that I’m struggling with it as I feel bad for staying it when it didn’t happen to me if that’s makes sense 

Former Member

Makes complete sense, but doesn't make it any less true. As Mike said before, traumatic experiences like this rarely affect just one person. And it shows you care an awful lot about your sister and your family that it is affecting you so much. Just know for now, that although you might naturally feel guilty for feeling affected, you really shouldn't feel guilty. With time things will hopefully become easier to talk about between everyone  

Millie2787

Going Into the new year has been so so difficult, knowing that he should still be inside My sister growing and growing as each day goes by is the hardest - he would of been due the end of may time , which is going to be horrendous knowing that my GCSE English exams are going to be around then.

So many people don’t understand that even though he wasn’t my child , he was still my nephew one I would of loved and cherished for so so long - one who also would of been spoilt . But whenever I try to talk about it all I ever get is “ yer but it wasn’t your child “ “ he wasn’t even fully formed etc “ - he was fully formed , my little prince was full formed he had tiny little toes and tiny little fingers on the ends of tiny tiny feet and hands . 

Former Member

Oh @Millie2787 , this sounds like such a horrible experience and something that must be really difficult to deal with. I'm really sorry people aren't more understanding. As others have said above, even if he wasn't your baby, he was still going to be a member of your family and you still witnessed all of these things and that's bound to affect you and stay with you. I'm not sure I really have anything helpful to say, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and that it's understandable for you to feel this way. Your feelings are important and valid too.    

Former Member

Hi Millie

I'm so sorry this happened, it's such an upsetting thing for everyone involved

Even though he wasn't your baby it's completely understandable that you'd care for him and that he's important to you, as @Past User said your feelings are completely valid and we hear you.

Mike mentioned a few support services, have you felt able to contact any of those? We're all here to support you