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I don't know how to date

Butterfly06Butterfly06 Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
I'm 21 and I've never gone on a date or even been asked out. 
I tried to do online dating stuff but the men on there were very...weird. 
A lot of other stuff is happening in my life and I think I'm lacking companionship. In the past I used to never be into relationships because I had education to worry about but now that that's done it's really hit me that I would like to date. 
I have also never had sex. I feel like I'm ready but just haven't found someone to do it with. 
Is it weird that I don't know how to navigate this whole dating thing at this age? I feel like I missed out on that casual dating stuff that everyone else had in school, college and university. 
I would appreciate some advice on how to date in my 20s please. Even the silly stuff. I don't have any female friends to ask or a mother. I'm kind of lost. 


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    PuffinEthicsPuffinEthics Posts: 74 Budding Regular
    Hi @Butterfly06

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling lost. 

    I am a man, just to let you know, so I can't offer a female perspective. But I can give you that of a male in his 20s, and my experience can draw some similiarities. 

    At 21, I became single after having a long term relationship from my teens, although I had the experience of a relationship, dating in my 20s was something I'd never done, tinder was new, and I had no idea what i was doing! 

    Meeting people online is difficult, and meeting people in real life is difficult too. It's all a bit confusing and it is all a bit daunting. But you are not weird, there is no age your supposed to do all this stuff, your experience is just as valid and as important as anyone elses. 

    What I'd say is maybe try not to worry too much about what your supposed to do. If you meet someone in real life that you think seems nice and you are attracted to, ask them to go for coffee, get to know them, and see where it goes. People may say there are things you need to do, but its trial and error for yourself that gets people into positive relationships. 

    Meeting people you actually like can be difficult, but if you do things your interested in, like go to clubs and do your hobbies, then you should meet people you share interests with. 

    Just look after yourself, talk to your family and friends about it, and try not to put too much pressure on it. 

    Is there anything particular you'd like to ask us here at the mix? 

    Thank you for sharing, 

    - PuffinEthics 
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @Butterfly06

    I've been in a relationship for 5 years so to be honest I'm not the most experienced with dating but I'll try help if I can! I have soo many friends who are in a similar situation as you. There's no real rules to dating, it'll be different for different people but some have found people when they are not necessarily looking, so randomly at work (that's where I met my partner) or at places like gym classes, running classes etc. I think as @PuffinEthics said, if you have a hobby or something you love doing then it's worth having a look for local classes or gatherings or whatever.

    On the other hand I've got a mate that is just about to get married after meeting somebody on Match.com, so he was consciously looking. My view of dating apps (through mates) has been that Tinder and POF are less serious whereas both Bumble and Match.com have people that are serious about relationships. Totally up to you what you want to try, do what you feel comfortable doing. 

    Hope that might help a little bit? Let us know if we can help any more <3 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    Hey @Butterfly06,

    Just remember that there are a lot of people who will be in a similar position to you, people who've been in long term relationships, have moved country, or never been interested in dating until their 20s. Not very many people actually feel 'experienced' in dating! 

    In terms of advice, this may seem strange, but I think dating is a lot like going for an interview. The first thing you have to do is secure the interview, either by networking (speaking to people you meet and flirting with them to see if there's a connection) or through an online application (e.g. a dating site). Knowing your strengths is important. Then when you actually go on a date for the first time, the main thing is to follow the conversation and let it flow. There is never any obligation to meet up with someone again, so if you don't feel comfortable, make an excuse and leave. Personally I have never really enjoyed blind dating (through online sites, when you haven't seen the person irl before you meet for a date). The problem with that approach is that having chemistry with someone is virtually impossible to tell unless you meet them in person, and it's rare. So you end up meeting a lot ofpeople you don't have any chemistry with and it can be a bit disappointing. On the other hand, it's a good way to meet new people and practice dating. And going on dates with people you've already met in person has it's own problems, because how many people do you meet randomly and have chemistry with?! Not many! So maybe check out some online dating sites and give it a go as an introduction?

    Good luck! :)
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    Butterfly06Butterfly06 Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
    Thank you for the advice everyone. Will try to get out the house more to meet people.I tried online dating since posting this and it's meh. 
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