Can anyone relate

Former Member

Hi everyone im feeling very alone. No one around me can seem to relate to me. I hate being alone and love being around people that i love and care about and spending time with them, making memories and building and strengthing my relationships. They mean so much to me. Im very supportive of others and i have so much to give.  I feel like i am the only person like this😭 i feel like im never good enough for others as they never have the time or they just arent like me at all they are happy on there own and i feel im the only one who gets upset when i cant see loved ones😔😔😔 can anyone  relate?

Former Member

Hi @barbaraxx

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling like that. 

I can relate to how your feeling and I'm sure a lot of us here at the mix can. 

I get my energy and positivity from being around people, and sometimes its hard to feel connected with people even if you are close to them. 

When is it that you feel alone? Has it come on suddenly? 

You say you don't feel good enough for others, I think that's something a lot of people feel at times, remembering that its not just you who feels like that can help. But also, you are good enough for others, do you know what makes you feel like you aren't?

Needing connections with people to make you feel fulfilled is something alot of people can relate to. 

I hope you are getting on okay, we're here to listen, let us know how you get on. 

Thanks, 

-PuffinEthics

Former Member

Hello thank u so much for your message. I appreciate your reply so much. Im so glad im not alone with this as thats how i feel a lot of the time. Think it has a lot to do with who is around me. I rarely see my friends as they are all to busy and the one i saw recently on a rare occasion said she is a inovert and prefers being alone which made me overthink the whole thing and really question myself and others. I cant relate to that at all. I suffer really badly from anxiety and very prone to overthink things. No ive felt like this a while as ive been on my own a lot and not been able to see the people who mean the most to me whoch has made me feel really down and like im mot good enough as they seem fine without me😢 Im so sorry u have felt like this to ❤❤❤❤ 

Former Member

Hey barbaraxx,

I’m sorry to how you feel. You’re definitely not alone in having these sort of thoughts - I completely agree with everything PuffinEthics has said above and, like both of you, I have also had the same worries.

From what I’ve read, I understand that you struggle a lot with anxiety. Are you getting any support with this? I recently finished an online CBT course that my GP referred me through for my anxiety. It involved going through self-help modules, fortnightly health questionnaires, and reviews and messages with your own “supporter”. Truthfully, I don’t think it has really helped me lower my anxiety, but my supporter has put me on a waiting list to be able to have 1-to-1 sessions in person, and I have learnt a lot more about anxiety, depression and how I can cope - it might have been more effective if I remembered to implement the techniques more often, because correcting how you think, after you’ve been living with this train of thought almost all your life, isn’t something that can happen overnight with no effort! 

I’d like to share a bit about how distorted thinking works, which is something I’ve learnt from my course. Basically, it’s quite easy for us to have errors in how we think when we’re upset , low or anxious: we might over-generalise, or have very black and white ways of thinking, for example. It might be that we have several of these errors at the same time; when I learnt about them, I realised I have had each thinking error before. I’ll list what some of these are here in case you want to know:
-catastrophizing is essentially believing something is much worse than it actually may be, for example, you might have a breakup and believe you’ll never be able to date again
-overgeneralising is concluding something as fact because of a single incident, like you might do badly in one test and assume you will fail all the others
-all-or-nothing thinking is neglecting the middle ground and only thinking in extremes, such as you might muddle up a few words in a presentation and then assume the entire thing went terribly
-black-or-white thinking is similar to the above as it’s when you believe that if something isn’t perfect, then it’s a complete failure - “people love me or hate me”
-jumping to conclusions is one that I think really applies here, since it’s where you judge something and take it as fact even if there’s little or no evidence to support it - i understand you may feel like you aren’t good enough for others, but has anyone said this to you? Is there any evidence to support this?

I think it would be really helpful for you to try work on your self-esteem and confidence, since it doesn’t sound like you like yourself very much. This is something I am also working on, but I’ll let you know what I’ve learnt, again, from my experiences: it’s not something that gets better overnight with no effort. There’s this method fo changing how you think that I think is very good for this, which involves changing your automatic thoughts. These are the thoughts you naturally have whenever you respond to something, for example, you might trip in public and think “Oh no this entire day is going to be awful. I bet everyone saw and I’m so embarrassed they’re probably all laughing at me.” (Which is very unlikely to be the case to begin with!!). What we want to do is change these thoughts into something more positive, like “Oops I fell over, but it happens to everyone! I’m embarrassed, but I can laugh this off, and even if people saw, they have probably been through the same thing and can empathise! Or at least, it’s very unlikely I’ll ever see them again, so why should I care what they think?”. You can relate this to how you view yourself too, like you might see someone gorgeous on Instagram and feel like a potato (to really simplify it and not go into detail) and then fall into a big hole of self hate, but you gotta remind yourself to think “hey, they’re beautiful, but so am I!” Or with other things, maybe like: “Just because someone else is talented, it doesn’t mean I can’t also be just as talented!”. Honestly, there’s so much I could endlessly rant about for self-love (I even made a 10 minute long presentation for my English speaking assessment 2 years ago now) because of how passionate I am about it, because I understand how difficult it is. It’s not an unusual thing, and there’s a lot of songs even discussing the topic. (I suggest listening to “Love yourz” by J Cole, the lyrics are 👏👏👏)

sorry if this was a bit ranty or sort of trailed off topic, it’s half 1 in the morning and I’m a bit sleep deprived 😭 but I hope my message came across nonetheless!!
-peachysoo