Losing Friend

Former Member

Hi all.

 So on Saturday (22nd September) in the early hours of the morning I received a text from my friends mum telling me to call her as soon as I could, and I sudden fear of panic went to my head. I phoned her back and unfortunately got told that my friend had passed away due to an overdose. I was in shock but weeks leading up to it I knew she had been struggling but I never knew it would actually come to it this soon. 

as you may have seen from other posts is this is the second friend I`ve lost in the last few months, I lost one friend on 2nd June to losing her battle with an eating disorder and then the one I lost on Saturday.

how do I get through this bereavement? the loss of my friend on Saturday has been harder to deal with then the one I lost in june due to the eating disorder probably because with my friend that had the eating disorder her health was getting worse so I was expecting it but with this friend although she was struggling I didn't think she would actually go so soon.

Advice needed

Former Member

hey Lozza, 

Firstly I am so sorry to hear about your friend this must be a very difficult time for you at the minute, sending hugs your way. 

I think with grief there is no right or wrong way to deal with it, I guess it takes time. 

I wish I could say something to help you during this time, but I guess you just need to take it a day at a time, and allow yourself to feel what you feel. When my Nanna passed away I struggled with that one, I thought I wasn't allowed to feel something, but it's important to 'feel' and that's okay.

Do keep posting we are here for you always!

Former Member

*BananaMonkey* said:

hey Lozza, 

Firstly I am so sorry to hear about your friend this must be a very difficult time for you at the minute, sending hugs your way. 

I think with grief there is no right or wrong way to deal with it, I guess it takes time. 

I wish I could say something to help you during this time, but I guess you just need to take it a day at a time, and allow yourself to feel what you feel. When my Nanna passed away I struggled with that one, I thought I wasn't allowed to feel something, but it's important to 'feel' and that's okay.

Do keep posting we are here for you always!

Hey BananaMonkey. Thanks for the reply. Yeh its really hard to deal with the loss , its only been 2 days! thanks for saying there is no right or wrong way to deal with it , it really does take time. im just struggling so much with this loss more than the other one too be honest. how long after death due to overdose is the funeral likely to be? my other friends funeral was quite quick and I was emotional during it. I don't really know how to feel about this loss of this friend right now. So sorry to hear about your loss too. 

Former Member

I'm not too sure how long it will be til the funeral, but hopefully you can take some time to take care of yourself, do you have support offline too? Like from family and friends?

My Nanna passed away three years ago this month, but tbh I still miss her everyday sometimes I feel happy, like remembering the happy times, other times I feel really sad and down, something that helped me was to make a memory box, I look at it sometimes it's got some things that were in my Nanna's bedroom at the nursing home. 

You could maybe do something similar for your friend. 

Something else that really helped me was to talk to somebody, I actually used TheMix a lot for support during that time and it was nice to have people to talk too about things that I was feeling/thinking

Time is a healer, I know it sounds cliche but it does get easier  

Former Member

*BananaMonkey* said:

I'm not too sure how long it will be til the funeral, but hopefully you can take some time to take care of yourself, do you have support offline too? Like from family and friends?

My Nanna passed away three years ago this month, but tbh I still miss her everyday sometimes I feel happy, like remembering the happy times, other times I feel really sad and down, something that helped me was to make a memory box, I look at it sometimes it's got some things that were in my Nanna's bedroom at the nursing home. 

You could maybe do something similar for your friend. 

Something else that really helped me was to talk to somebody, I actually used TheMix a lot for support during that time and it was nice to have people to talk too about things that I was feeling/thinking

Time is a healer, I know it sounds cliche but it does get easier  

Hi BananaMonkey. Thanks for the reply. Ok that's alright. I am going to try and take the time to look after myself but its really hard especially because I didn't expect it so soon! My boyfriend is really helping me with it but its so so hard and it has had a negative effect on my health the last few months since the loss of my friend back in June and the one on Saturday. I am always here if you want to talk about anything and im sorry to hear you still miss your nanna sometimes too. I still miss my auntie that I lost back in January. this year has been so hard so far too be honest as ive been through 3 losses and other things too. I will try your idea of a memory box that might work. I have got a tattoo on my leg of a tree with hearts round it of the name of the person and the date of their passing date of everyone that ive lost so that is a constant reminder (yet to get the most recent death though!). yeh im hoping that some people will reply to this post so I can talk to people about whats gone on as I know that helped me when I lost my other friend. I really hope it will get easier,

Former Member

I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is helping you, that's a nice thing and it's good that your not going through this on your own, even though you may feel alone, your not alone. We are ALWAYS here, there is also a support chat where you could chat to others too, if you wanted too, and other services... 

https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support

Things will get easier it just takes time. I know right now it may feel like nothing is going to get better, but it will do. I was the same, and I still have days where I feel like giving up, but it's important to stay strong and believe that things can improve. 

 

Former Member

*BananaMonkey* said:

I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is helping you, that's a nice thing and it's good that your not going through this on your own, even though you may feel alone, your not alone. We are ALWAYS here, there is also a support chat where you could chat to others too, if you wanted too, and other services... 

https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support

Things will get easier it just takes time. I know right now it may feel like nothing is going to get better, but it will do. I was the same, and I still have days where I feel like giving up, but it's important to stay strong and believe that things can improve. 

 

Hi BananaMonkey. Thanks for the reply. Yeah my boyfriend is helping me a lot although he doesn't understand how hard it is to lose 2 people in the last few months but he is trying his best to make me feel better and I really appreciate it. I do feel so alone sometimes but knowing people are here on here is helpful and that my boyfriend is helping me through. I do get times when I do feel really emotional and really miss my friend that I lost on Saturday and other times when I feel relieved , is it normal to have mixed emotions? I will take a look at the online support chat. thanks for the help and I hope things will get start to get better. 

Former Member

Yeah it's very normal to have mixed emotions, I struggled with that a lot a few days/weeks after losing my Nanna like I felt guilty to feel happy, like I shouldn't feel happy, but the truth is you can feel anything and it's okay. Nobody can tell you otherwise. You just have to let yourself 'feel'

Things can get better it just takes time.. 

Former Member

Hey Lozza,

Just wanted to check in to see how your feeling today?

Former Member

*BananaMonkey* said:

Hey Lozza,

Just wanted to check in to see how your feeling today?

Hey, thanks for the message. Still really struggling with things too be honest! 

Former Member

Do you want to chat about anything?