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Finding nowhere else to turn with home problems (Bit of a rant)
Former Member
Posts: 203 Trailblazer
I have 8 months to go until I'm 18. And right now, I honestly don't expect to survive until then. I'm approximating a 90% suicide risk at this point, because I can't take it living here any more.
I hate it living with my mom and sister. We each have our own rooms, but that's the only personal space we have. Since we're in a 2 bedroom place, my mom has had to take a room downstairs instead, leaving one small room for us to convene in and thats it. We're always arguing, and it gets to the point that I can get so angry I lash out. I once had a broken nose thanks to a fight with my mom, and I've even been kicked out of home to stay at my nans after a particularly bad fight with my sister. I hate it living here. It's utter hell. I have to make do with whatever food we have, spend most of my time in my room, I have no money, no choice in where I go, when I get there and what I do. I once lived with my nan for 2 months. Second best time I ever had. It was amazing being there, and my emotional state improved too. But just as soon as I moved back home it was back to square one. I had my first taste of true freedom at NCS, when we were put into student accommodation as part of phase 2. I loved it so much, being able to buy what I wanted, cook what I wanted, be who I wanted. It was amazing.
I recently came to the decision that I wanted to move out. I was really happy for the chance, I wanted to get free from this place. I did some research, and it looked to me that I would be able to register as a child in need, and get council housing and housing benefit so that I could live on my own. But further research and a discussion with an adviser brought me to the conclusion that I'm trapped. That I'm not going to be able to move out, that I have no choice but to stay where I am.
Because obviously being at risk of committing suicide if I stay doesn't make me a child in need.
Well I'm finished with society now. It doesnt matter what happens, no one seems to care what happens to people like me, who can't bear to live where they are. I can honestly say at this point that I am going to die sooner or later, before I turn 18. I've lost all hope, and quite frankly, I don't think I even want to live in a world that treats its young adults like this. I have nowhere to turn any more, I'm so lost.
I don't want to die. But death is so much better than this.
I hate it living with my mom and sister. We each have our own rooms, but that's the only personal space we have. Since we're in a 2 bedroom place, my mom has had to take a room downstairs instead, leaving one small room for us to convene in and thats it. We're always arguing, and it gets to the point that I can get so angry I lash out. I once had a broken nose thanks to a fight with my mom, and I've even been kicked out of home to stay at my nans after a particularly bad fight with my sister. I hate it living here. It's utter hell. I have to make do with whatever food we have, spend most of my time in my room, I have no money, no choice in where I go, when I get there and what I do. I once lived with my nan for 2 months. Second best time I ever had. It was amazing being there, and my emotional state improved too. But just as soon as I moved back home it was back to square one. I had my first taste of true freedom at NCS, when we were put into student accommodation as part of phase 2. I loved it so much, being able to buy what I wanted, cook what I wanted, be who I wanted. It was amazing.
I recently came to the decision that I wanted to move out. I was really happy for the chance, I wanted to get free from this place. I did some research, and it looked to me that I would be able to register as a child in need, and get council housing and housing benefit so that I could live on my own. But further research and a discussion with an adviser brought me to the conclusion that I'm trapped. That I'm not going to be able to move out, that I have no choice but to stay where I am.
Because obviously being at risk of committing suicide if I stay doesn't make me a child in need.
Well I'm finished with society now. It doesnt matter what happens, no one seems to care what happens to people like me, who can't bear to live where they are. I can honestly say at this point that I am going to die sooner or later, before I turn 18. I've lost all hope, and quite frankly, I don't think I even want to live in a world that treats its young adults like this. I have nowhere to turn any more, I'm so lost.
I don't want to die. But death is so much better than this.
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Comments
Where you are right now sounds awful, but remember how much enjoyment you found living with your nan and in student halls? Making it out of this means finding a place like that again, where you can be yourself.
Is there any chance you could stay with your nan again? Even if its just for a few weeks, you could offer to cook and help around the house in exchange for staying there. Also, would you be able to ask your nan to speak with another advisor with you? She might be able to help them understand how you feel at home. Or ask to speak with them again, if you continue to ask them they might get a better understanding of how you feel about home, and how much you want to get out.
Perhaps look into getting a job? As something to fill up your time could make those months go faster and you would be making money to help you move out. Also, if you can, you could try asking your sister if you could divide the room up so that you both have space. If the room is too small to divide would you be able to sleep in the living room?
We care about you, and we want to help you find a way through this. It was very brave of you to come to the mix for help, well done for speaking up about how you feel.
My nan knows that I want to move out, but she doesn't believe that I would be able to take the responsibility. She thinks I wouldn't be able to cope.
I tried to get a job. Spent at least a month looking for it. But nothing would come. I haven't the strength to keep trawling through endless job listings only to find I won't qualify for them.
My sister and I used to share a room, and we divided it up just like that. But my mom moved into the living room and my sister into my mom's so now we hardly have any space other than our rooms. Having a bit more space while it lasted was great but now I'm still stuck because I can't fit everything I want to keep into my room without it being cluttered and bad looking.
The idea of a tenancy agreement signed by someone else is a good idea, but I don't know who I could ask to do that. Everyone over 18 that I know won't trust me.
Going to Uni is on my list, but I'm not going for another 3 years because I'm doing a HND at the college I'm at first, and then I'll be topping up for a year in uni. I have to get student loans sorted out for that, so maybe I could look into student finance for housing too, but I doubt it'll happen when I have a "perfectly good place to stay" where I am.
I have a very slim chance right now of convincing my mom to sign the tenancy agreement if that were to happen. But then I wouldn't be able to apply for housing benefit or anything, would I?
Also, just a heads up that I've moved this thread over to Home, Law & Money where it fits a bit better.
Reading your posts, the thing that stood out to me the most was how difficult your relationships with your mum and sister sound. When we're stuck somewhere we know we don't want to be, particularly when fights and stuff are happening, it can take a serious toll on our mental health, so good on you for being so proactive about things. Being in a tiny house with family when we're growing up can bring even the strongest relationships to breaking point.
In the short term, do you think it might be worth exploring things that could potentially improve your relationships at home? Whether that's using an organisation like Relate to get some relationship counselling, or approaching your mum or sister personally to talk things out that way.
When things easily get heated, it can be useful to arrange some dedicated time where you both agree to sit down and calmly start talking things through. Letters/texts can be a useful tool as well, letting you take your time to explain how you feel without interruption and without things getting heated.
How are you personally feeling about your relationships with your mum and sister? It must be rough.
It sounds like you've done your research so I don't know whether this will tell you anything you don't already know, but we have an article about moving out once you're 16 in case it covers anything new.
Hang in there, @LabraBell.
I'm losing all sense of caring for them. I hate it with a passion, being around them, and I can't bear to stick around them. My SH relapsed as I said last night, and it's getting worse with each argument. It's getting to the point now that I honestly detest them. If they were to disown me now, I wouldn't bat an eyelid. It's just gotten that bad. Nothing's gonna change when I'm still dealing with them on a daily basis, our relationship is just going to get worse and worse until eventually we'll do something we regret and we won't be able to salvage it.
Not long ago my mom was complaining at me, yet again, because there was an argument between me and my sister. Saying that we were just making an argument because we had to get one last in before she went on holiday. That's just the norm, but it's the fact that when I asked her if that was all she thought about us she replied yes. She's said herself she only considers us a burden, so I only consider her to be just as much too.
I knew most of the information on the post, but there was still a bit of information I didn't know. So thanks.
How have things been at home this week?
I'm so sorry to hear about everything that's going on. It sounds like you've really tried to talk things through with your family but no one is really understanding how you feel. I can't imagine how hard each day must be for you living there. I know it can feel like 8 months is a really long time until you'll finally be able to move out, but try not to loose hope because you can get through this and we'll be here to help you through it
It sounds like NCS was a really great experience, are there options to do a something like that again with them? Hopefully you'll be able to spend a bit more time at your nan's house once things have settled down a bit after her house fire. Try not to worry about bothering them if you do feel like you need to spend some time there. It sounds like she was really supportive taking you in for 2 months and like Eyepatch mentioned, if you offer to help with cooking and cleaning, she might really appreciate having someone around to help with that, particularly after her house fire. It's really important to keep reaching out for support like you've done here. You shouldn't have to struggle with this alone
You mentioned that your self-harm is getting worse with each argument. Do you find anything helps distract you from self-harming? Perhaps writing things out in a diary after one of these bad arguments or focusing on your poetry? Your poems really are excellent. I know it's not a solution to everything that's going on but it's really important to look after yourself. You don't deserve this much pain