Finding nowhere else to turn with home problems (Bit of a rant)
I hate it living with my mom and sister. We each have our own rooms, but that's the only personal space we have. Since we're in a 2 bedroom place, my mom has had to take a room downstairs instead, leaving one small room for us to convene in and thats it. We're always arguing, and it gets to the point that I can get so angry I lash out. I once had a broken nose thanks to a fight with my mom, and I've even been kicked out of home to stay at my nans after a particularly bad fight with my sister. I hate it living here. It's utter hell. I have to make do with whatever food we have, spend most of my time in my room, I have no money, no choice in where I go, when I get there and what I do. I once lived with my nan for 2 months. Second best time I ever had. It was amazing being there, and my emotional state improved too. But just as soon as I moved back home it was back to square one. I had my first taste of true freedom at NCS, when we were put into student accommodation as part of phase 2. I loved it so much, being able to buy what I wanted, cook what I wanted, be who I wanted. It was amazing.
I recently came to the decision that I wanted to move out. I was really happy for the chance, I wanted to get free from this place. I did some research, and it looked to me that I would be able to register as a child in need, and get council housing and housing benefit so that I could live on my own. But further research and a discussion with an adviser brought me to the conclusion that I'm trapped. That I'm not going to be able to move out, that I have no choice but to stay where I am.
Because obviously being at risk of committing suicide if I stay doesn't make me a child in need.
Well I'm finished with society now. It doesnt matter what happens, no one seems to care what happens to people like me, who can't bear to live where they are. I can honestly say at this point that I am going to die sooner or later, before I turn 18. I've lost all hope, and quite frankly, I don't think I even want to live in a world that treats its young adults like this. I have nowhere to turn any more, I'm so lost.
I don't want to die. But death is so much better than this.
"Remember that you aren’t your emotions, Emma. You are what you do, and you’re doing all the right things."