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Porn within a relationship...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 4 Newbie
in Sex & Relationships
I feel a bit silly writing this but it’s been bothering me for a while now. My boyfriend watched porn/masturbated whilst I was asleep - he was in another room. Now the only reason I know this is because I checked his internet history. We had an argument and I got pararnoid about what he was doing, I didn’t check his FB or emails just went through his internet history. 

He has always been honest that he watches porn however I never thought he would do it whilst I was in the house. We have been living together since March. It makes me feel inadequate, I know that’s ridiculous but it really bothers me. I can’t talk to him about it because he’ll think I’ve been snooping through his iPAD - which technically I did. Our sex life is good we go in waves of having sex everyday and then sometimes once to three times a week. I know he loves me although he’s not very affectionate like he doesn’t want to always cuddle or hold my hand, but he shows his love in other ways.

Also I don’t want this to sound disrespectful as everyone is beautiful in there own body but he watches porn of plus sized girls but I’m not plus sized I’m slim and I don’t understand it. 

I am sorry if i have offended anyone it is not my intention, but I just wanted to get some advice on this. 
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Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    edited September 2018
    Hey

    i think maybe best to speak to him about boundaries about this sort of thing. You don’t even have to tell him what you found on his internet history but could have an conversation about it. Are you comfortable with him watching porn anytime? As maybe need that discssion too. 

    Quite contraversal topic tho,  few peopl even think it is cheating, I personally don’t think it’s cheating at all as no emtional connection to people behind screens. Though it hard when question why he’s watching porn, and start to think like are you not satisfying his sexual needs. But if that was the case he would be cheating with another girl not on porn. But I think for some people sex and mastubating are different. And he maybe also wants to mastubate aswell as have sex. Maybe could suggest mastubating or watching porn together?

    And the people on porn videos are not exactly completly real and maybe he doesn’t see it as real either so I think how they look doesn’t matter too much. As he only wants to be with you, he’s just watching fantasy, not real & maybe imagines its you. And what people watch on porn isn’t nessarly what they want in real life. Though I understand how you would compare & question
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 4 Newbie
    Thank you for the advice  :)
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Youre welcome! 

    Just remmeber his fantasies are not always real life. Like ;even some straight people will watch only lesbian/gay porn, but theyre not even lesbian let alone want to particapte in those sexual acts. And is different to what in actual life. Im sure he is happy with you and with exaclty who you are. So try not to read too much into it :)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
    Hey - guys masturbate and sometimes we watch porn whilst we are doing it. It doesn't necessarily mean he loves you less, wants to screw a girl (or boy) who looks like the one in the video or anything deeper than just needed a wank and perhaps not wanting to wake you up. I wouldn't worry about it. I am bisexual and watch straight, bi, and gay porn. My wife is plus sized and I watch slim guys and girl in porn movies - in real life I love her curves and wouldn't swap them for anything but in my fantasy yes I do. She knows that sometimes watching porn and having a wank is what I need and if she's asleep then it actually doesn't affect her at all. If I'm away on business and she wants to watch porn and knock one out does it matter? He loves you. End of.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    Hi, this is a really old thread. I appreciate that you went your way to give out some thoughtful advice but I’m going to lock this as the user is most likely no longer around. 

    If it’s a topic you want to talk about, feel free to make a new post related to you. 
This discussion has been closed.