I Feel Angry at Everyone

Former Member

Hello.
Recently I've been really irritable from stress and it's made it kind of hard to stay connected to the people around me. I just want to spend time alone and focus on preparing to go back to university, and I just find conversations too draining because I tend to keep my frustrations to myself as it is and I keep feeling like the stress is going to cause me to snap at someone.

I talk to my family because I'm currently living with them, but even then I don't tell them a lot of important stuff because they rarely acknowledge how I feel or what I say, and recently I've been feeling kind of resentful because of this. I also resent them sometimes because I feel as though I've been held back by their lack of attention and the fact that everyone seems to favour my brother over me.

I don't even really like getting messages from friends because they don't check in on me for months at a time and then expect me to make arrangements to hang out when I'm supposed to be working or getting ready for uni. We've grown up together and there's still a lot we don't know about each other because no-one seems to want to start a conversation, and then I still feel bad because some friends are obviously down or don't feel cared for. A while ago I actually had a kind of system to make sure that I checked on everyone on a regular basis, but I gave up on it to see if people would start to message me first and it resulted in me being pretty isolated during my last weeks at uni.

I plan to break up with my boyfriend when we see each other again when we go back to uni. I've been thinking about it all summer and I've been kind of distancing myself from him because I don't want to talk to a person who I'm afraid to be alone with. I've been replying less and less and over the past couple of days he's pointed out that I've been kind of quiet, but I feel bad breaking up with him over text so I'm going to wait until we can talk things through face to face. 

I'm worried that I'm damaging my mental health and my relationships by keeping the things that bother me to myself all the time. I'm worried that I'll never have a healthy relationship because of my mood swings and the fact that I have so many problems with my own thoughts and feelings all the time. I'm going to try to get some counselling soon but I don't have a lot of faith in the mental health service that I've been referred to. 

[Deleted User]

Hello again, @TheAprilFool

I apologise for staying out of contact, but last June fell seriously ill with cellulitis complicating an existing heart condition nobody knew existed. I spent 9 days in hospital and would have stayed longer but they urgently wanted the bed for a very sick child. During my time of illness I had to shut off my notifications, but remembered you in my thoughts.

I, also, had a family that rarely acknowledged my feelings, but both parents died and I was adopted by a pair of kindly aunts who took me to a doctor who referred me to a very good counsellor. During some three months this counsellor lady built up a wonderful trust with me, as many counsellors sensitive and empathic can with their young clients, and I believe that your doctor could refer you to similar. They may already know you suffer emotional problems, but cannot do anything until you see them in person and ask for help. I had to do this, but found the doctor's surgery staff very helpful particularly the Practice Manager who found the right doctor to see me. Practice Managers seem to know exactly the right GP to suit their patient's need so you should ask if you have not been a regular patient.

A very good counselling service kis Young Minds:  https://youngminds.org.uk/

Counselling gives you the opportunity to talk about how you feel without fear of judgement. Speaking to a counsellor, away from your home situation can take away some of the pressure. Counselling offered me a safe environment to express my feelings and understand what caused me to feel that way, and these good people can do exactly the same for you.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is excellent. The approach guided me into thinking more positively about life and it could do the same for you. CBT is usually about 6 to 10 or a little more weekly sessions that help us get unstuck from our patterns of behaviour and it can be so helpful to get us out of the rut we have been trapped in for so long.

There are other types of counselling such as Mindfulness which, when combined with CBT can help us focus on our difficult thoughts and feelings rather than avoiding them. Therefore this form of counselling gradually lifts the fear that has trapped you, like me, for a very long time. I was greatly helped in using meditation and breathing exercises that lowered my anxiety levels.

Also there is Psychotherapy which for me is ongoing. Psychotherapy contains a longer period of of therapy that helps us talk over past events, which not only helped me deal with my eating disorder, but also distressing long term physical and emotional abuse suffered at the hands of my evil father.

I am sad that you have an unpleasant boyfriend who you have been afraid to be alone with. I suggest you draft out a carefully worded and assertive letter to send by recorded delivery, making it clear your reasons for not wanting to see him ever again. A letter if sensitively written can soften your boyfriend's wrath, rather than seeing him face-to-face and you ending up being abused or upset. Unless said boyfriend is a complete and utter tool, then text-dumping him might be the most expedient option.

I'm sorry, but since my heart condition governs how long I feel able to participate in The Mix, I have to return to hospital once home in Mallorca. Once posting this, I will pm you a lead.

Best wishes my friend and I hope you get help in your need.

Mandy x

Former Member

Hello,

We all need space sometimes, perhaps worries about going back to uni are causing you stress. If you try to find out what is causing these feelings you might be able to help yourself. 

Its okay to feel angry sometimes, would you be okay with talking to your brother or perhaps a close friend? It could be that your fiends are waiting for your usual message, and as it hasn't arrived yet have decided that perhaps you are in need of some me time. They could also be busy with going back to uni themselves. 

You mentioned you feel afraid being around your boyfriend alone, how about asking someone to come with your when you go to break up with him? Its very respectful and brave to break up with him face-to-face, but make sure you feel safe when you go. 

Are you sleeping okay? It can affect how you feel, how about changing your bed sheets and washing your pyjamas then taking a shower or bath with your favourite soap and going to bed, the feeling of everything around you being fresh and clean could help you get a good rest and wake up feeling refreshed. 

When uni starts how about making some more friends with people in your class, you might feel less lonely if you see familiar faces each time you go to uni. 

I hope everything goes okay, try to find the time you want to spend by yourself, even if it means going for a walk for a little while or watching a movie. 

Former Member

Thanks to everyone who replied. I've been feeling better since then. I think that maybe I just had a kind of off week where my anger got really bad. 

I think that I should make it clear that my boyfriend isn't angry, violent, or dangerous. I'm planning to break up with him in a public place because he freaks me out with how pushy he is when it comes to being physical. 

I'm already waiting on therapy and have taken up meditation recently. 

Sorry for the late reply, I only just got a laptop that actually works properly.

Former Member

No worries, I'm glad you are choosing a public safe place to break up with him. You can always let us know how it goes after