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i honestly cant take it no more

Mama_UMama_U Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
im just typing this to get all my anger and sadness out so if u dont wanna read dont because honestly im doing this for me. 
The guy i love doesnt love me. and just because of him i feel like the world is against me. We broke up and i feel like its for the good but its the things he said that feel so true. He calls me manipulative and a user and to some extent i believe it. I make people do what i want which i feel bad about but its not like i make them do things to harm themselves. 
i had family problems especially with my mum. She says she loves me and i sometimes believe her. But he reminds me that she truly doesnt which im okay with .... i think. I was like a test run child. i was a practice child. She used to hit me a lot and he said i deserved it.
I was in my room today because i was upset about him. i draw alot but i never finish my drawings or paintings. I finished this one and honestly it totally lifted my mood. I dont think u guys understand how happy i was about this painting. I was so proud and it was for me. I painted for myself no one else. But then my dad came in and smashed it. He said i focus to much on art and not enough on main subjects (which btw i am doing amazing in every other subject)

Im always the one with a smile on my face. Always the funny one and the person u have jokes with. But im so fed up of faking a smile all the time. Im so fed up of being the mother of my siblings and im so fed up of chasing someone who i clearly dont deserve. I know my mum loves my little brother and sister u guys should see the way she hugs them so tight and the way she balls her eyes out when shes done something wrong to them. I wish i could be a part of that. I try telling her but i feel like ive put up this fake face which shows i dont need anyone. I honestly need her so much. I cant remember the last time she hugged me. Whenever i want to stop thinking about all this sadness i try fake being happy which gets me into a lot of trouble. I do stupid things and i dont want to do that anymore.

Im so sorry if these problems seem petty i just wanted to type and i feel like this helped me. Having this website means alot to me so thanx to everyone supporting 

-mango lover 


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    BluebellsBluebells Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
    Hey, it sounds like you've been having a really hard time. I can relate to what you say about the one you love saying he doesn't love you - it's an awful thing to hear, my partner has said something very similar to me recently. The only advice I can give is try and look after yourself still, and don't think about it too much. It's so easy to lose hours worrying about it all.

    I don't think family life is ever easy but no child deserves to be hit, ever. Don't believe that you deserved it.

    It's good that writing things down has helped, getting things out into the open often does.
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    Mama_UMama_U Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    Thanx @Bluebells
    Im sorry about ur partner. U seem nice and totally lovable. thanx for the advice ill try to stop thinking about him but its really hard.
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    crossflame20crossflame20 Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
    I had a similar experience with a girl I loved. We had an argument over a show and she used to love me, but after the argument, she stopped. We're still friends though, but anyway, Send me the painting!!! I'm an artist myself, though a terrible one xP

    Best wishes,
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    Mama_UMama_U Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    Good u guys r still mates and I U SHOULDNT REALLY ASK ME TO SEND U PICS COS ID PROBABLY SPAM U LIKE CRAZY  :sweat_smile:
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