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idk what to do

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
in Sex & Relationships
My "boyfriend", lets call him tigger, started acting a bit wierd since i introduced him to my bestie. She doesnt like him but then again she doesnt like anyone i date. She pointed out stuff in our text messages that i didn't notice about him being slightly controlling. I dont know if its wierd but the "slightly controlling" is y i like him. I like to be in an open relationship where im dating more then one guy but im really kinda stuck to him. I told her i broke up with him a month ago but we havent. But the totally shithole thing is that my guy bestie likes me and me and him are going out. He hates me even looking at guys so now im like sneaking around because i want both. Tiggers okay with me dating other guys but OMG the other ones not .

Not to be annoying but another question....... tigger gets angry alot especially when i dont do what he says. He says things like "shut up, you cant do that, do u want me to be ur boyfriend, ur so stupid (not in a friendly way in a way that makes me want to cry)" and i know its stupid and u guys r probably reading this like OBVO FRICKIN LEAVE HIM but im kinda in love with him which is sooooooo stupidddddddd ughhhhhhhhhh i just wish i could go live in mango land and eat mangos  :'(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User

    I totally get the bestie not liking him (or anyone), my closest mates never like the guys I go for at the start and that's just coz they want someone perfect!! It sounds though like she doesn't like Tigger because of the controlling texts she's seen? It's a little worrying to hear he gets angry at you a lot, that's not particularly healthy to be around, it might be worth giving this a little read to see if you can relate: https://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/victims-of-crime/how-to-recognise-emotional-abuse-in-relationships-24254.html

    So is your guy bestie likely to find out about Tigger, do you think? Sounds like it might be worth telling your guy bestie that you want to date other people if that's the case?

    - Lucy
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    @Lucy307
    Whenever i even talk about guys with my guy bestie he hates it. Its like he doesnt trust me. Which i totally get i mean i wouldnt trust me. I just wanna deal with tigger first. I mean should i tell him that he shoudlnt speak to me like that??? and shall i tell my bestie im still dating him
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    My last relationship was a bit like that, I think tell him how you feel about it maybe, but just make sure you stay safe. Relationships like these are tough but maybe taking a break could let you realise how much you need and love him and if it’s worth it?
    i hope it works out and your bestie seems to care about you very much so at least you’ll always have them to help!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    @Past User
    Im seeing him today and i am insaaneellyyyy scared. Im gonna tell him how i feel like u said and see what happens. Wish me luck :#
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    Good luck! I’m sure it’ll go great!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    Okay im leaving now and IM SO SCARED IDK Y. I DONT WANNA GO ANYMORE . I just wanna hide in my room and drink coco and eat mangoss. GUUYYYSSS im soooooo scareddddd :#:scream:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    It's okay Mama we're all here stay strong it will be alright xo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    I went to see him and he wouldnt even let me talk. All i said was i dont like how he talks to me and he started screaming stuff. Im crying and i cant stop. I know hes in the wrong but i think i really love him and idk how im gonna get over it. He knows alot about me and im scared hes going to tell people. I hate everything right now
  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    It's okay mama I know it's hard especially if you really love him, from the sounds of it he doesn't love you too and I know that's hard to deal with but it really sounds like he's just using you to manipulate.

    If you make the decision to leave this unhealthy relationship we're all here to back you up. 
    It will take time but you will heal from this. 

    And if he keeps trying to contact you or starts rumors etc you can go to the police and get a restraining order x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    @Past User
    I know that i might sound pathetic saying i love him but i do and i hate it. I wish i never met him. Ive known him for a long time because his mum and my mum are best friends so he knows all my problems. He keeps calling me a wierdo and hes sending me messages telling me to g back in my depression hole. I blocked him but hes using his mates phone to say stuff. Normally i would say so much shit back but i genuinly dont know what to say to him.
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User

    It doesn't sound pathetic. You can't control how you feel about someone, no matter how much you want to! Well done for telling him how you feel though. Did you tell him you don't want to see him anymore?
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    @Past User
    I told him i dont wanna see him but hes being an insane ass. He keeps saying mean stuff and im always the one who can come up with stuff to say but i cant think of anything. I literally googled what to say im sooooo weird and shaky and lonely and scared that im not gonna find anyone and that hes going to make everyone hate me ughhhhhhh....... :s 
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hello @Mama_U

    Sounds like a very tricky situation to be in. But well done for being brave enough to speak to him in person yesterday. Emotions are a tricky minefield to navigate but often the way we think about love, and the words we use, dictates how we act. There's a particularly relevant TED talk about the language we use to describe love and the link to it is here:

    The main metaphor Mandy champions in the video is to describe love as a collaborative piece of art. It's an intriguing idea isn't it? It's something beautiful, that is different every time, but it's also consentual and it's creative - not destructive. Don't worry if you don't fancy watching the video but I thought you might find it interesting :) 

    Sounds like you have started taking steps to remove Tigger from your life, but it is still dragging out. As much as this may be annoying, often these things do take time. Sometimes it can be helpful to write down how you are feeling. That way, in the future when you are struggling to make a decision, such as blocking Tigger off all technology, you can then refer back to what you wrote down and remind yourself of what YOU want to do. 

    Anyway, hope this was helpful :) remember there is always some to chat to on The Mix! 

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    Thanx for the help @JamJar but im suchhhhh an insane stupid teenage idiot who is as smart as a goldfish ughhhh
    SO GUYS BASICALLY AMMA RANT, 
    He texted me he wanted to see me and I FULL ON HAD LIKE A "50 RESAONS Y UR AN ASSHOLE AND I DESERVE BETTER" and i went to see him and he didnt even let me talk he kept saying hes sorry and that he loves me and that he wont let anyone be with me but him. and he got me this gold neckless with a heart on it AND IM SUCH AN IDIOT i was like "I LOVE U GIMME GIMME NECKLESS" and NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE. IS HE JUST MESSING ME AROUND OR DOES HE ACTUALLY LOVE ME?????? :sweat:  
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    @Past User. I personally feel as though he’s not taken what you’ve said into consideration again if , like you said, he wouldn’t let you speak again. I however support your decision to do whatever and I really really really wish you well lovely! You deserve the best!
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    edited September 18
    @Past User
    How r u so nice  :) (its a bit scary)
    and thanx 
    Post edited by TheMix on
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