Head over to this thread to submit a song for our February 'Love' playlist that we'll be putting on Spotify!

i dont feel like a normal person

hey
i never talked about this ever before in my entire life bc its always been to embarassing but i just feel really weird today
i hope i explained it kind of well, ask me anything tho

so yeah, i just dont feel like im living an actual life 
what i mean by that is that im disconnected from myself

i dont know when it actually began, but theres a fictional character in my head. she is the absolute definition of a mary sue. she is popular, had a tragic past and is incredibly talented. her looks are absolutely based on some stupid other fictional made up character i saw, and i guess it just stuck with me. i dont want to really present too many details on who she is tho since i still feel embarassed about it.

but the thing is that she just lives my life for me. whenever i see something funny or that i like, i imagine her in that scenario. whenever theres a song i like, she is the one who wrote in my fantasy world. whenever theres a internet personality that i like. shes friends with them. i suddenly have an interest for dancing, shes a dancer now

im so disconnected from everything tho. i have to go to a new school this year, so i imagine her having to go to a new school. whenever i fight with anyone, i also imagine her fighting with one of her friends. i dont take care of my problems, i dont live my life, i dont try to fulfill anything, i just have this girl in my head that is loved by everyone.

i hate it. im a freak. nobody has a stupid fictional girl in their head who just takes care of all their problems. she brings me so much comfort but i so want to get rid of her and live my own life. i hate this

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 7,344 The Mix Elder
    edited August 2018
    Hey

    have you told anyone else about this? Maybe friend or doctor to ask them what they think?

    Not exactly the same but i have had times where i felt disconnected from myself.  And mostly because i get soo stressed just a way to cope as find it stressful living and dont feel connected to myself neither do i wanna be. Do you think maybe stress adds to it? Cause you dont wanna live it yourself? Or sometimes i find its because not in a place in life where wanna be so kinda disconnect.

    Do you feel like you know why you do it ?

    But either way i think its good to find ways to feel less stressed for anyone and going to a new school is really stressful. Like doing things you enjoy. Do you enjoy actually dancing or is it something yu imagaine? Or have any hobbies?

    take care of yourself


    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • fairyringfairyring Posts: 2 Noob
    hello!

    i dont have any friends and im too embarassed to talk about it with my doctor

    and i dont really know if its related to stress. when i find a new song i imagine her singing it, when something really funny and exciting happened shes kinda involved, everyone loves her and is in awe at everything she does. i think i just dont want to live as myself as a whole

    i just get so happy when i think about her? she isnt really me. shes kinda me but perfect in every way. i dont know what its like without her now tho.

    ive always wanted to dance but i never wanted to do it by myself, but i dont have any friends so thats not something i can do. id love to if i ever found friends that would like to dance tho!
    i do like playing video games! she also loves it a lot and shes a lot better than me in them
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 7,344 The Mix Elder
    edited August 2018
    So like is someone you want to be? You can always be that person instead?Maybe making some friends could help, hopefully when you start your new school could make some new friends with similar interests. You can always still dance by yourself if thats something that interests you

    would you say its a problem for you or not ? or youre just confused about why do it ? But like then the confusion makes it a problem? 

    Doctor have heard all sorts and shouldnt find it embarrassing
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 406 Rampant Poster

    Well done for having to courage to talk about how you are feeling.

    Its great that you have recognised this as something you might want to change. Think about who you are and who you want to be, it might help to write those things down. To start with you are real, you created her and that means you can also ignore her.

    Sounds like you imagined her to show you alternatives, like, you want to be friends with an Internet personality but don't have the courage to message them so you imagine her doing it instead. How about trying to prove to this persona that you can do things yourself, message that instagram account, put music on and dance. It will be hard at first because your automatic response might be to think of her, but you can do this. 

    Sometimes when I'm upset I imagine what the characters in my books are up to, I won't let them live my life but it can be fun to imagine them on thier own adventures. You could try this too, get her out of your head and onto paper, write out her story so that you can live your own :) 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 134 Super Moderator
    Hello @fairyring,

    First off, really nice to see Shaunie and Eyepatch here offering their opinions. We all just want to make each other's lives a little bit easier.

    Sounds like a pretty interesting situation that you find yourself in - and it's all going on inside your head. The fact it's going on in your own head might be an element of why you feel so conflicted. We feel that we should be able to control what goes on in our own minds, but as we realise when we become more aware of our thoughts (e.g. from what you are experiencing or from practising mindfulness) we actually don't have as much control as we would like to think. It's slightly unsettling to think about, but I'm not sure whether this is what is frustrating you?

    Is it the fact that you cannot control when you imagine this person? Or is it something else? Is there another reason why you are feeling paralysed by this fictional woman inside your head?

    A Mix article I just read recently slightly teases out what it is like to feel like a passenger within your own life. The blog itself relates this to work stress (which I recognise you have said this isn't about) but maybe reading someone else's point of view might help you more firmly establish what it is about your situation that is bogging you down??? Don't worry about not reading it, just putting the link here just in case :)

    https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/i-want-to-make-the-most-of-my-time-27393.html

    If you are in the mood for reading then you might find this webpage on "personality disorders" helpful? I'm not sure what your reaction would be thinking you might have a "personality disorders" but I have included a quote here from the webpage that might make you rethink what is defined as "personality"...

    "In mental health, the word ‘personality’ refers to the collection of characteristics or traits that we have developed as we have grown up and which make each of us an individual. These include the ways that we: think / feel / behave."

    If you're curious and want to see what the rest of the article has to say then the link for the article is here, https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/personalitydisorder.aspx?theme=mobile

    Would be interested to know whether any of this helps, and remember even if I don't reply someone from the Mix community will! Stay positive and remember we care about you <3

  • RoseRose Posts: 2 Noob
    edited August 2018
    <3 
Sign In or Register to comment.