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experience with moving on from emotionally manipulating ex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
edited August 2018 in Sex & Relationships
I joined this because I wanted to anonymously share my experience of being in an emotionally abusive relationship and needed support and direction in terms of moving on from my ex. I wasn’t sure whether to share my experience but if people have been through something similar and can help, I’m happy to share 

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Welcome to the Mix Limitless!

    We are happy to try and help you with any problems you have here, I'm really enjoying the community and advice here. Feel free to share your experience with us so that we can help you through this tough time :) Seems like your problem fits well in the Sex and Relationships board, how about making a post there? Or, if you are feeling anxious, try the Mix's helpline 0808 808 4994. If you feel ready to make a post then just try to keep the descriptions of your experiance vague so as not to harm other users :) 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User and welcome :)

    As Eyepatch said, we're really happy to help here if you want to share and talk, you can say as much or as little as you feel comfortable with doing and we will try and help where we can. 

    I'm sorry to hear you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship and I hope we can help you with what you're going through. <3

    - Lucy
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hey, have been through something similar and can be hard to move on even if was abusive. We’d support you & try to help if you wanna share more! <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot

    Thanks everyone 

    I was in a relationship with my ex for such a short amount of time but the relationship had moved extremely quickly that I ultimately fell for him. I met him in December in Poland on a work conference and his background was American Jordanian. I felt sorry for his current circumstances and so I invited him to join my work friends and I for dinner and he did. He appeared happy, positive, had good friends and he asked me to stay behind after dinner to join him for drinks. We went to this bar and even though he didn’t drink he ordered double rum and coke and I also had his drink and was tipsy. We then got intimate that night and the next morning I was ashamed because I had never done anything casual before. From then on, we kept seeing each other everyday during the conference but he was paranoid about people knowing and wanted to keep it quiet. Eventually we became a couple but I felt like he was lying all the time but just wanted the intimacy. He never came to the uK to visit me but blackmailed to call the relationship off if I didn’t visit him. Before travelling to him, he would ask for nudes which I refused initially and he called the relationship off and blocked me on whatsapp. I was desperate to contact him and at this point I was already having really strong feelings for him that I begged him to take me back. So I was travelling to visit him on multiple occasions to Jordan where I stayed in his house with him but was house bound and he never let me travel around to sightsee. He would make me feel like I was at fault and manipulate situations and would always get angry all the time. Numerous occasions he would insult me and i felt like I was always apologising for everything. I had an accident in February where the shower glass shattered and I had cuts all over my body and glass material too and I started bleeding. He just got really angry with me and was yelling because I couldn’t remember how it happened as it happened all too quickly. He then refused to take me to the hospital and I had to fly back to the UK the next day and I went to the hospital here for X-rays. I only had a small piece of glass remaining which was removed. He told me he was in love with me and then when we broke things off he promised to visit me in April but never happened and he said I could stay with him in June in Seattle but it never happened. He would whatsapp me telling me to stop messaging him but would call me and ask for nudes. I was stupid and too naive to realise that he was trying to build a case for harassment and kept blackmailing that he would end my career 

    But during these months he would Snapchat me asking for intimacy and then would block me so that the messages would disappear: It was recently 2 weeks ago where we met in a work conference in Vegas. He asked me for casual sex and we slept together and he would tell me to wait for him on the following days but would never show up. It was recently he told me he was already in another relationship since October. I have been having faints and panic attacks since he broke the relationship off as he’s been blackmailing me to report me for harassment as he called off the contact and that drove me into this emotional wreck as I couldn’t contact him and he was living in the Middle East. It was when I fainted in front of him that he left me there and didn’t get medical help. He also owes me money and promised to pay. He only paid £400 and said he will give the rest as soon as I delete all whatsapp messages. When he left Vegas he reversed the transaction with his bank and then reported me for harassment.  Despite all this I’m struggling to move on and I still feel like I love him and I don’t know what to do. I was hospitalised for collapsing because it’s taken a big toll on my body physically. I know he has done awful things and I know this was all because he wanted sex but the thing is I’m still very much in love with him and I’m incredibly attached that I am struggling to move on. 


  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Im so sorry that all happened! & that he even reported you for harrasment:(

    do you think youd delete the message to get the rest of the money or do you know if there is another way? 

    Im sorry im not sure what to say. But He does sound really manipluative & you dont deserve that :( neither does he deserve you. So what you have to think about is why the relationship ended for the times when you may feel like going back to him. Maybe there was some good times that make you love him but it doesnt make up for the shit. 

    You will find someone who cares about you - not just leaves you there when you have fainted or when youve got glass all in you. Because youre so much more worthy than that & thats what you have to try to remember. Though i understand its so hard when you love him. But with time will help. You have to focus more on your life now & be with people who care about you, maybe family or friends. 
    Take care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot

    Thanks Shaunie,

    The money situation is difficult because he even told me himself that he has been withholding the money deliberately. I did send another PayPal request and wrote in the note that I have deleted all whatsapp messages but honestly I lied because I have been told by my psychologist to keep them because it shows strong evidence of his behaviour and also evidence that I have not harassed should something further escalate from this. I’m finding the no contact extremely difficult and I have been told by my work to not contact him either and I’m afraid of his next actions in terms of ruining my job. But I am so desperate to reach out and I can’t help but blame myself. Do you think I should wait a month before reaching out via email and maybe get him to understand my point of view? 

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 58 Boards Initiate
    Hi limitless, 

    I agree with what shaunie said earlier today. This is likely to be a difficult time for a while, but you are worth much more than this person is treating you. 

    Have you tried to do something to get your mind off this? Taking a long walk, seeing some friends, or anything that makes you feel calmer will help take this off your mind while you come to grips with it and decide what to do next. 

    Please let us know how you're still feeling and if anything like this helps. 

    -Seven
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    Hi guys,

    ive felt much better over the last week expressing how I feel on this forum. It was only until yesterday that my flatmate started interrogating me about the entire thing that I had another syncope faint followed by a panick attack. I just feel so guilty about the entire thing and this is such a set back. I know the awful things my ex did but for some reason I’ve just become immune to the words that they don’t sound that awful anymore and I feel desperate to reach out to him and beg him for forgiveness and to take me back. I was so upset yesterday to the point that I was sick and I can’t understand why my body is reacting to grief in this way when other people just have a little cry and they’re fine. 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User

    Really good to hear you've been feeling better after sharing here. Does your flatmate talk to you about it a lot, do you think you'd be able to tell them you are not up to talking about it?

    You are being really strong not reaching out to him while you are feeling like this, and I am rooting for you to remain so strong <3 Have you heard of women's aid? If you are ever feeling the urge to talk to him, could you try talking to them instead? Women's aid protects women from domestic violence. 24-hour helpline: 0808 2000 247.

    Try not to compare yourself to other people as we all react and grieve differently, you are not weak because your body is physically reacting, it happens. Hope that helps and you feel a bit better soon :smile:

    - Lucy
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    Thanks everyone for your support. Today has been incredibly difficult for me because I can’t help but think about my ex and I’ve realised that I miss him so much to the point that all his wrongs have been forgiven. I’m sure he didn’t mean to treat me like this and I really want to contact him or at least apologise in person but I don’t know how. He’s blocked me on every single platform and he lives in another country. I feel so lost and hopeless and I just want him back! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    Hi Limitless05,

    I've read your story and my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you've been through a lot of really difficult stuff with this relationship.

    You say you want to get back with him... Well, although I'm sure what you've said on here probably doesn't show the full picture of the relationship you had with him, but I think it's enough to show that overall his impact on you has not been not positive to say the least! If you're having panic attacks and ending up in hospital, that is not a sign of a happy relationship. I think it's probably a good thing that he has blocked you from any means of being able to contact him, because I don't think getting back in contact with him would be very good for you. 

    I know it's not easy to move on, especially when there are so many emotions involved, but I really think it's the right thing to do. I had an experience with an emotionally abusive partner as well and it took me a long time to move on from it, so I know how hard it can be, but looking back now I realise how much he truly damaged me, and how much happier I am now in my new relationship.  

    I'm sure he didn't mean to treat you like he did, but that doesn't make what he did ok. It is never ok to leave someone alone to suffer when they need medical attention! It is never ok to blackmail and manipulate someone! 

    You are doing the right thing trying to move on. You're bound to have weak moments, but try to stay strong and look after yourself. 
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