May have to have surgery *Trigger Warning*

Lostsense

I'm at A&E because I harmed myself. I've just had an x-ray and the nurse has gone to speak to the surgeons 😭😭

Eyepatch

How are you feeling?

Make sure to stay in a safe space. They could just be considering butterfly stitches, which don't involve sewing, or stitches that do require sewing skin together. Nurses had a discussion about which one to use last time I was badly hurt in an accident. Try not to imagine the worst right now, ask questions to your nurse and see if you can get a clear response to what you need to heal. Try to rest your wound as this will help it heal, A&E can get very busy so try and be patient as you wait for the nurses to get back to you. Have you had the x-ray results back yet? 

Also, see if you can contact a family member or friend to be with you thought this difficult moment. I hope you heal up well and can find someone to talk to about your reasons for self-harm, perhaps a therapist or GP can help you find a treatment that can help you. 

Lostsense

I didnt self harm in that way. I harmed myself in another way but not allowed to say what and (gotta be careful with words)

Yeah I have had the x-ray results back.

Thanks, a friend is with me atm.

God, I dont want surgery, I want it left in😭😭

Eyepatch

Thats okay, Im glad you have someone close by to talk to and support you. 

However you were hurt, its the nurses job to try and fix it, otherwise the injury could cause more damage in the future. Surgery may sound scary, but sometimes it just means numbing the area thats been hurt and fixing it. You won't feel a thing and you might not need to be asleep, you won't see them perform it, even if you are awake they can put up a sheet so you don't see what they do. If you do need surgery the nurses will walk you though what is about to happen so that you understand, they are very professional and you can trust them with this. 

Would you like to talk about why you hurt yourself? It might help prevent this from happening again, if you don't want to put it on the Mix thats fine, but perhaps talk to your friend about it. 

Lostsense

Because the voices say I should be dead in a nutshell.

I'm just waiting for the surgeons to call me to tell me whether I need surgery or not 😭

Eyepatch

Im sure your friend wants you to keep living, their opinion is more important than the voices. You should talk to a professional about the things you hear, clearly they are not healthy for you, perhaps a GP can help figure out how to help you deal with this. There are plenty of people out there who can help and explain whats happening to you so that you can get though this.

I hope the surgeons give you the news soon, you can do this, go over everything with your friend and try to focus on what is happening rather than what could happen. Perhaps find a distraction while you wait, something that could help calm your nerves. 

Lostsense

Thanks

Eyepatch

I hope everything went okay, did you find out about the surgery?

Lostsense

I dont have to have surgery! It can stay in 😁 my mum said I might poo it out though lol or it will rott and poision me over the next few days, killing me. 

Eyepatch

Its great you don't have to have surgery, if its something inside you then your body should be able to handle it, its unlikely it will rot as human stomachs are very powerful at handling anything that gets inside them. You might have some stomach pains as you pass it though but hopefully you will feel better within a few days.

If anything unusual happens please contact your doctor so they can check up on how you are doing. And about the voices, are you receiving any kind of help dealing with them? If not perhaps you should look into it so that you don't have to go though a stressful experience such as this again. 

Are you still at the hospital or are you at home, wherever you are I hope you feel more relaxed and safe. Perhaps talk though the experience with your mum so that she can understand how you are feeling.
 
 

Lostsense

Well it depends what you mean by receving help for the voices. I have a Care Co-ordinator from CAMHS.

I'm at home now. Waiting for a support worker to come because I told the house keeper I want to call the police to hand myself in

Eyepatch

Im glad you have a care co-ordinator, do you feel they are helping you though this? 

Has the support worker arrived, it might help if you are able to talk to them about this. As for the police, why do want to call them, do you feel you have broken the law in someway?

Lostsense

Not really.

Yeah the support worker is here (she's gone now) but I walked out crying because she made me go through it all because she said the police will want to know it all. Yeah I have broken the law

Eyepatch

Is it okay for you to say which law you might have broken?

Sounds like your support worker didn't help much this time, but try to stay with them next time as they are there to try and get you through this. Also, could you mention to the co-cordinator that you don't feel they are helping, they might be able to find you someone more suitable for your needs.

Lostsense

I murdered someone. No-one believes me, they think it's a delusion but it's not. I was meant to see my Care Co-ordinator Thursday but I cancelled it and she hasent been in touch since to see why I cancelled and to re-arrange. I could be dead for all she knows.

Lostsense

My heart is breaking atm😭 why couldnt of my attempt been succesful😭

Eyepatch

Who was it that you say you murdered? The police will take a matter like that very seriously so even though it upset you, your support worker was trying to help by asking you about the event.

How about ringing up you co-ordinator and rescheduling the meeting? She might just be busy and hasn't gotten around to calling you back yet. 

Lostsense

I'll just wait until she gets round to calling me.

Eyepatch

Are you sure? Calling people can be nerve racking, but its quick. Any chance you can send her a text instead?  Or even ask someone else to give her a call for you, it's probably best you get an appointment as soon as you can.  

Lostsense

Sorry I was just sick🤢 I'm sure, no I cant text her I dont have her mobile number. My support worker will probably call my Care Co-ordinator next week.

Eyepatch

Oh no, drink some water and perhaps try to relax for the rest of today. Are you sure you want to wait a week, could your mum or friend call for you instead? 

Lostsense

Nah it's fine

JustV

Cool to see you guys chatting away here - amazing support from you @Eyepatch.

Great to hear you went to A&E and got the care you needed last night, @Lostsense. More good news that you don't need surgery - woop!

It can be really tough needing to talk about these things when you can't express yourself completely freely. If you do feel yourself becoming overwhelmed with those feelings about what happened, keep in mind there are places you can talk about it without needing to filter what you say, such as Samaritans or other one-to-one services. It's important to talk about these things and get them off your chest, and there are places that will listen (whether that's Samaritans, your support worker, etc.).

You've shown a lot of courage in this thread what can we do to support you best?

Lostsense

😭😭

Eyepatch

How are you feeling? 

Contacting the Samaritans is a great idea, you don't have to worry about being judged, they are there to listen and provide support.

Lostsense

Shit😭

I've just come down to my mums but now I want to go back to mine. I dont know. My brain just feels really irritated. Not knowing where to go. Cant really explain it. My mum has just gone out and I just burst into tears because I wanted lastnights suicide attempt to work, it just hit me😭 

Eyepatch

How about waiting for your mum to come back before deciding if you should leave or not? She will be able to help you through this tough time. Try to stay safe until then, away from any objects that could hurt you. Find a distraction like music or a film you like until she comes back. 

Lostsense

I'll stay tonight and see how I feel tomorrow.

I've made my abdominol pain so much worser by crying and moving around😭 sorry to be tmi aswell but I need a poo but I'm scared to go incase I pass it

Eyepatch

Thats very brave of you and a good idea.

Its not a good idea to hold it in, as this could make you feel worse. So its find to need the loo. Drink plenty of water, avoid caffeine and white bread (they can cause more solid poops) Try and lay down after you have been to the bathroom, bring some tissues, water and snacks and just stay on the sofa or a bed for a while.  

Lostsense

Thankyou💜

Lostsense

I think the surgeont made a massive mistake you know tbh. I didnt really wana say anything but my abdomen is becomming more painful throughout this evening. So do I leave it in and put up with the pain? Or go to a different A&E? I've been reading more and more that people who have done what I have had to have it removed. Why did the surgeon leave it in me knowing it could be causing damage to my organs and if he did think I would pass it in my poo surely he should of given me some pain relief. Or was he being ignorant because it was a suicide attempt? I told my mum he was abrupt all the surgeon said to me was 'its too small to operate' and my mum said he might have been like that because theres people coming in that have been in car accidents which are emergancys and mines not. Maybe that was why he was like that. I dunno what to do really..