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I'm screwed

Hi! So i've been contemplating about writing something here for the last 27 hours to be precise and I've finally mustered up the courage. I'm really struggling this last week with issues in my relationship.

I'm a male who is in a relationship with a female. I am openly bisexual, she and a selected few others are aware. We recently both made a decision to bring another gentleman in to the relationship who was also bisexual. I won't go into the details but I'm sire you can pretty much guess what the craic was.

This was all great and went on for around two weeks. On Friday said gentleman came around and I for some reason acted like a total jerk to him. My behaviour was standoffish and just vile if i'm honest. But we managed to fix the issues on the night and all was fine. At least so I thought. The next morning we all wake up and go about our normal morning routine.

I had a shower and my partner advised that she was popping out with the other gent which was cool. I trusted him and we all knew the deal that we'd made. A few hours passed and I started to get concerned so reached out to my partner but she didn't answer so tried to reachout to the gent only to find that he had blocked me on every single thing possible. No fb, insta, imessage or whatsapp. I could not communicate with him if I tried. I was out of my mind thinking the worst had happened.

A few hours later my partner reached out and said she needed space to work things out and what to do next. I asked her about the gent in question and she said give 'them' space and that he needed to work out his own sexuality which is cool but this dude entered our relationship claiming to be bisexual so we all knew what the craic was.

I'm not left in a massive house on my own and feeling pretty lonely. I don't have anyone to turn too because how on earth do I explain this mess. I'm now also confused as to whether I actually miss my female partner or whether i'm missing the relationship aspect with the male.

I just feel like everything is one big steaming pile of mess right now.


  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 378 Rampant Poster
    To start with, well done for gathering your courage and writing your feelings down here. 

    Relationships are complex, but if your partner has asked for some space perhaps you should give them some time. Figuring out your sexuality can be difficult so it may just be that this gentleman is having second thoughts, not about you or your relationship, but about themselves. 

    You mentioned you had fixed the issues, but perhaps the tension between you is still bothering them. They might have felt venerable and confused because of the emotions they are having about themselves right now, this might have lead them to block you as a way of withdrawing to themselves for a while. You could try contacting your female partner and asking if you could apologise to this gent again, say something like, its fine if they need some time and you regret your behaviour, or that being blocked has really hurt your feelings but you hope you can work things out together. But don't worry if they don't want to talk to you right now, just give them some more space. Also, would you be able to identify why you acted the way you did? 

    As for missing them, this is normal. If you have a routine with others that gets broken its natural to want that routine back. Could it be that rather than missing a partner you miss being around people, you have been spending a lot of time together after all. Perhaps you feel left out as the other two have gone out without you? Try not to take this personally, it could be that this gent just feels more relaxed talking to a lady about the issues they are having right now, especially if its about their gender. Again, don't be disheartened by this, rather be glad that they have someone to talk to, even if right now its not you. 

    I hope you manage to patch things up, let them know you missed them and that you are here for them if they need to talk. Hopefully you can solve this together. 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 442 Rampant Poster
    Hey @tomowz

    Welcome to the boards and thank you for sharing, you will always be listened to here <3. Sounds like a bit of a complicated situation! Have you heard from either of them today? Kinda understand why the guy would be 'off' for a little while if you had been 'off' with him, some people just need space to forgive and forget things. But do you have any idea why your partner would go with him? 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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