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What do you do if you find it hard to make friends and you still want a relationship?

Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
edited July 2018 in Sex & Relationships
Image result for friendship quotes

Hey everyone,

Making friends and socialising can help you maintain healthy relationships which is great for everyone with tons of mates. But what do you do if you find it hard to make friends and you still want a relationship? 
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    edited July 2018

    Hey Thom,


    Well the first thing that you can do is the first thing that you have done – start a conversation on the Mix! This is the sort of place that anyone should feel comfortable enough to talk openly to people they haven’t necessarily spoken to before. And some meaningful relationships can arise because of it.


    The fact that you potentially finding it hard to make friends has not stopped you wanting to form new relationships is a very mature and healthy mindset. A general question would be, what aspects of making friends in the past have you found difficult?


    This is the beginning of a conversation with the Mix community so I won’t ask any more questions. Nevertheless, sometimes the skill of making friends can be practised in environments where meeting new people happens naturally. For example, joining a running club, attending a cooking class or beginning to learn a new language. New relationships can sometimes be formed over new bonds when people who haven’t met before both learn a new activity or skill 😊

     

    Hope this acts as a start of a dialogue, and if I am not the one to respond next be sure to know that someone from the Mix family will.


    Maintain your positivity Thom 😊

  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Hey Thom,

    Many people hope for loads of friends, but having a few close ones is great too. @JamJar idea is a really good one, How about joining some clubs close to you and see if you meet anyone new? 

    When people struggle to make friends it might be because they find it hard to talk to new people, start with some easy questions, what's your name, how are you doing today? I like your shoes, anything. This helps to open up a dialogue and you can get to know eachother better. It may seem simple but it really is a good way to start a conversation.

    You could always start online and chat to peop you used to know, try to reconnect with them by asking how they have been doing. 

    Making new friends can be difficult, try to find a place where you are at ease. For example if you like art go to a gallery and chat to people about the work. Or go to a gaming place and start a chat about the games being played. If you feel calm talking to others might be easier.

    Stay strong :) 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Find out why struggling to make friends - incase like fear of abdoment, self confidence ect and try to deal with that & try going to activities and meeting new people. And think there are some online apps and stuff can meet people. Im not really sure. Sorry
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 151 Helping Hand
    Hi Thom,

    I think I can understand where you're coming from here, and I really like everyone's responses. It can be really tough, at least for me, meeting new people and making new friends. Or, at the least, the idea of it is really daunting. It then might seem really strange when I reflect on how I am naturally (which is partially the result of my own lack of self-confidence, like Shaunie has mentioned) and how I yearn for a more relationship. That said, I still have my own group of very close friends, though it's not the biggest friend group by any means (as Eyepatch said: it's great having a few close friends too), and I love and appreciate them so much. 

    With making new friends specifically, what has helped for me personally is trying to put yourself out there as much as you feel you can, without overstepping too far from my comfort zone - recently, even though I've always dreaded (and still do) meeting new people because I think no one will notice me, like me or want to be friends, I've actually made a few new friends in summer school. I think it helped that we had the guarantee of at least one common interest (it was a medicine based summer school, so we all have the same ambition to form a basis of conversation at least), and maybe also luck to some extent - you can't make everyone like you, and sometimes people just naturally might not get on, and that's fine. These experiences at least showed me that there's hope, and that, even if it's hard making new friends, it can get easier! So, all in all, I completely agree with everyone else's suggestions with aiming to find out why you struggle making friends, trying to improve that, but also taking it one step at a time, and go to places where you find joy and may meet like-minded people.

    There's no need to force anything; sometimes, the best relationships are the ones that happen naturally. I know it's cliché, but being (your best) yourself is what I feel is best, and then you're also guaranteeing you don't exhaust yourself pretending to be someone you're not to please others.

    (I'm not too sure if this made much sense because it's so late, but I hope you meet some lovely people and form the relationships you want soon!)

    -peachysoo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Speaking firsthand as someone is absolutely rubbish at making friends and spent a good year or 2 being embarrassing I realised online was definitely much easier,  I love talking to people who don't have to see my face and honestly online socializing feels more like its on my terms? It's more easier to actually express my personality because I feel happier and safer than I would in person,  online insults don't hurt me as much as offline ones would and I think online you really have to get to know their personality to know them better as you don't have an image to go by :)
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