Friendships
Former Member
Posts: 2 Newbie
Hi,
I'm a teenager still in secondary school and currently going through some problems with my friendship. Me and my mate had an argument back in December and it got quite serious. It was over text. I was quite hurt, but she was too, which I didn't even take into consideration until she told me. That made me realise that I hurt people and don't even notice. To put it simply, I'm toxic in friendships.I always expect more than what I get. I think that's why I was even more hurt when we fought again. After the fight in December, I felt that she was a bit awkward even though we made up, over text. A month ago, we fought again. This time it was even worse. I tried so hard to make things right with her but I felt that she didn't respond to my attempts half as much. It's as if she couldn't be bothered with me. Her friends got dragged in it too and it almost got physical with them. After nt taking for a whole month, and realizing that I really needed our friendship I tried to make things okay. She had also suffered a loss in the family, so I think she didn't have the energy to argue anymore, so she agreed that we should be cool. However, we don't talk anywhere near as much as we used to and t hurts. She's always been ne of my closes friends but I think she's given up on trying to get back the bond we shared before. It hurts that things can't go back to how they were. I really relied n our friendship to put a smile on my face but now I don't even have that. I felt like even when we were close I needed her more than she needed me. I always will, I guess. Its pathetic but it is how it is.
Comments
Sounds like you're going through a really tough time with your friend. I understand how difficult it is drifting away from friends after arguments, I've been through that myself and know it hurts, it's not pathetic at all. Sending you hugs
Is there a particular thing you are fighting about or is it just happening for no specific reason? It does sometimes take time to fully get over arguments with friends and forgive each other enough to fully move forward, hence arguments reoccurring. I hear you saying you feel like you need her/your friendship, more than she needs you - what has made you feel like that?
- Lucy
First of all, you seem to be having problems healing from this incident after all this time, which I'm really sorry for. However, I really would like to say well done for managing to patch things up with your friend and get back onto speaking terms with her. That's already a huge step in the right direction and you should feel great about yourself for doing that, if nothing else!
It's been a few weeks since you posted this too, so are you feeling any better now?
If you're still trying to make amends to your friendship, perhaps you should try approaching her in a more mature way like the bond is a completely new thing. Maybe by seeing you in the moral high ground she'll want to reconnect further?
If, however, you now feel that trying to get back what you had before is waning in importance, it's absolutely fine just to stay as acquaintances. Friendships come and go and are always in flux, and if you're going through a low point you can't see you two getting out of, then that's okay. You'll always have them memories you made together in the past.
And most importantly, none of this is pathetic at all! Plenty of people feel like they need their friends more than their friends need them; friendships where one is more reliant on the other can still be healthy to an extent. What you're experiencing is a part of everyday life, and you shouldn't be feeling ashamed of it at all