I NEED HELP ASAP!!!

Former Member

Reason I'm here: well recenty we have both been going through a LOT and have been quiet with each other for about a week or two. He is unbelievebly stressed with stuff and asked to meet me this morning. instead of going to mine he wanted to go for a walk he looked like he was about to cry instantly as he saw me we laughed and joked like usual and then he starts being serious and says he has somthing important to discuss with me. i panic and ask him how bad it was out of 10 and he says between a 3 and 5 so i wasnt panicking by then. we sit down and he struggles to say it (we both have the strongest bond going and always known we wanted to be long term and made it clear we would work through every problem that hit us) he struggles to find words and looks very very sad, i comfort him and he keeps saying that he cant tell me again and again. i questioned him about stuff and i said "is it to do with us" he said it was and proceeds to cry and say "were both in a stressful place right now and its not going to change anytime soon, i feel differenr about us over the last 2 weeks and i feel really different, its not the same as it was ect ect" we both sit there crying and somthing inside me knew that that wasnt what he wanted to tell me becayse it was so unlike him, and maybe he chickened out last second. we sat in silence for about 30 mins and i said i was going home i say good bye and leave. i look behind as im leaving and he has his head in his hands crying. i instanlty turn around and go back, but he doesnt see and leaves. i ring him and hes at home and we just sit on the phone for 40 mins in silence just crying. i ring my friend and he tries to ring me again, this time we kind of discussed stuff but h keeps saying "i cant explain, i just cant" and we get frustraited with each other and i hang up (we have never had any form of argument or even come close) i text him back and apologise but we havnt spoken since. i dont know what to do. all of my friends are confused because this is so out of character like they all agree he usually adores me. please help i dont want to loose the love of my life

Former Member

Hello, 

Sorry you are going though something so tough right now, but you are doing a good job trying to be there for him. Unfortunately, if he won't tell you whats wrong then its quite hard to help. There are a few things you could try, how about asking him to write it down? Then he has time to think over what he wants to say. You could text him sometimes just will lovely messages like 'Im here for you' it doesn't seem like much, but it can help someone who is struggling to receive nice messages randomly. 

Ask him how you can help, and that knowing what he's going though will help you support him. You're going to be okay, for better or worse you can both make it out of this. How about inviting him somewhere you both enjoy? Let him have time to feel safe around you and maybe this will help him explain how he is feeling. If this doesn't work, perhaps take sometime with your friends, if you're not feeling relaxed then it will be harder to help others, take sometime to yourself to think everything over until you feel calm and ready to try helping again.

I really hope everything gets sorted between you, 
feel free to let us know how things go, the Mix is here to support you.

Former Member

Hey butterflyhigh,

I'm sorry to read about your situation. It must be quite confusing and distressing.

I agree completely with eyepatch; it's difficult to help others if they're not willing to let you help them (e.g. by not communicating what they are struggling with). This isn't necessarily their fault by any means, or something they consciously are wanting to do (in a sense, push you out), they just might not feel ready to talk about things yet. In your situation, I can understand how frustrating this might be, but there's only so much you can do given circumstances. It's always a good idea to try remind your partner that you are there for them, and be supportive in general, but it's always important to try put yourself in their shoes and try not to subconsciously (or consciously) pressure them into divulging anything they don't feel ready to yet, or be too supportive (in the sense that you might feel like you're smothering them, if this makes any sense). It's just as important to remember that your feelings are just as important, and while it is good to help others, the boundary is drawn where you start putting your own feelings at detriment - you need to remember to care for yourself. 

It's important to be mindful of how your words and actions affect others, but ultimately the actions and words of others aren't your fault or responsibility. With time, patience and some effective communication and a whole lot of empathy on both sides, perhaps this matter will be resolved and you might find your relationship stronger as a result of overcoming this hurdle. Equally, if things end up not working out, as may be potentially the case in reality, at least you know in your heart that you have tried and done all you could have, it just wasn't meant to be. 

I hope you are well, and always feel free to come back for any support you need.

-peachysoo

Siena

Hey,

That sounds pretty intense and painful. Sorry youre going throught this

He says that youre both in stressful situations right now. Do you agree with what he means? And maybe you could both talk about what he means by that. So you can try to figure something out or work round the difficulties. Or talk about what has happened in the last two weeks for him to fele differently?

Its hard. But some relationships do just end because of what ever reason they do not want to say.  And sometimes just have to accept it. As much as that hurts. I mean you could try. But if he wants to be in your life he would continue with his effort. But sounds like hes made up his mind. And not something he thought about saying lightly

Knowing why may seem like it would help. But It doesnt matter what the reason is, it doesnt change the fact he wants to move on. For closure is internal process

But as others suggested above ; with time, talking it throught ect.. your relationship could just be stronger from it.