Indecision

Former Member

I recently went to CAMHS for an assessment. I have had problems since year 5, I seem really passive-agressive but inside I am full of rage. Like, uncontrollable rage. I thought that by going, I would evidence that something is wrong. However, they called my mum and I think that she sugar-coated it and said it started last year, when my uncle died. She is persistently fucking me over just because I'm not the son she once had. But, for God sake, I still worry; leaving everyone behind etc. But I can't live with them. I hate every single day with them and I am only 15. I swear down I will kill myself with hate and that's a hobby. I've tried coping skills - didn't fucking work.

After the call, she said "aren't you happy you don't have a problem?" at that moment I fucking ticked off in my head. Since then, I've been distant but still close to her if that makes sense. I can't take this shot and need to leave. I hate my family but to all of you, they would seem normal which makes me want to die because if everyone sides with them, what the fuck will I do. I'm fucking sick and tired and am filled with immense and intense rage

Ricochet

Former Member

Hey Ricochet, how do you feel after writing that post?... Has any of the anger gone away?? You mentioned that your uncle died last year, how have you been dealing with that? Were you close with your uncle? 

And you also talked about living at home with "them", is it more than just you and your mum at home? 

Sounds like you are very conflicted at the moment. Have you looked at Samaritans' website or Papyrus' webpage? (Both of them are linked at the bottom of this post.) Samaritans have a free helpline on 116123 and Papyrus have one called HOPELineUK on 0800 068 41 41. Or you can text the HOPELineUK on  07786 209697. No worries if you don't feel like talking to someone on the phone but if writing this post has helped in some way then maybe speaking to someone on the phone might help even more  

Hope this post helps and even if I do not respond straight away there is always someone at The Mix listening. 

https://www.samaritans.org/

https://www.papyrus-uk.org/

Former Member

Hey @Past User,

It would probably help to get the rage out somehow. If coping skills don't work for you, maybe you could try boxing or martial arts or something as a way to channel your anger into something else?

It can be really frustrating when all the under 18 services you try to access want to talk to your family, but those helplines JamJar mentioned can be quite good because they don't.

Former Member

For both of you, thank you but this is exactly what pisses me off. My uncle is not in this fucking equation. I mentioned him because my mum used that as the supposed reason for my problems. I swear to fucking god, cope, talk. I fucking hate all you adults