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Any other methods of counseling for long distance relationships?

My girlfriend and I are at the verge of breaking up. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve sought the help of her friends, my friends, both my parents and hers but to no avail. I’ve also watched videos online and read some international dating blogs, personal blogs, open forums on dating, etc. I’m about to give up. Talking to her doesn’t even work anymore. After being together for about 8 years, I guess there’s nothing much to do at this point. Can someone give me some advice about this?
peachysoo

Comments

  • LaineLaine Llama Mama Posts: 1,336 Fanatical Poster
    Hi wainright,

    Very sorry to hear about your troubles, 

    You say you're at the verge of breaking up and I'm wondering if there are any particular reasons for this?  Can you expand upon this? 

    Have you both had the time to talk about your  problems and figure out your feelings? 
    Long distance relationships can be hard but you can still communicate which is an essential part x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈 

    "Maybe it's not my weekend,  but it's gonna be my year" ~ All Time Low

    "No one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning friend" ~ TOP

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 1,237 Fanatical Poster
    Hello there Wainright, and welcome to the mix!

    I'm so sorry to hear you're having relationship problems, especially for one that's lasted such a long time. I've been in long-term relationships myself, so I know how much more effort it can seem to take to make things work out. 

    Would you mind sharing what types of problems your working through in your relationship right now?
    Without knowing the specifics, I think the best general advice I can give is to try and communicate with each other as often as you can, and both try your hardest to not make assumptions.

    This probably seems obvious to you, but long distance relationships just don't work when suspicion exists or when one partner can't give the effort anymore.

    Has your relationship been long-distance for a while, or have you only recently been apart?

    The mix has a few pages on long-distance relationships, that may hopefully be helpful:

    http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/can-we-make-long-distance-work-13961.html

    http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/long-distance-relationships-2943.html

    It sounds like you've tried a lot of different things for a long time to try and get this to work, so don't blame yourself for running out of patience or wanting to give up.

    I hope it gets better for the two of you,
    Aidan :)
    peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 The Mix convert
    wainright said:
    My girlfriend and I are at the verge of breaking up. I simply don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve sought the help of her friends, my friends, both my parents and hers but to no avail. I’ve also watched videos online and read some international dating blogs, personal blogs, open forums on dating, etc. I’m about to give up. Talking to her doesn’t even work anymore. After being together for about 8 years, I guess there’s nothing much to do at this point. Can someone give me some advice about this?
    Hey wainright,

    I'm sorry to read about your relationship at the moment, I'm sure it must feel terrible especially because of how long you've been together for.

    As others have said so far, it would be useful to perhaps know a bit more detail on what you're both struggling with, and to check the links provided by Aidan.

    On the other hand, I would like to bring out an alternative view. I realise this might sound quite terrible, at least initially, but sometimes I truly believe that things happen for a reason - if it's meant to be, it will be. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together, or perhaps maybe this is just quite a big obstacle to be overcome in your relationship. Regardless, if in the end it doesn't end up working out, you know in your heart that you have tried to make things work, and you have loved well. Appreciate the good memories you have had, and but remember to try bring yourself back to the present and looking to the future, making more memories that are just as lovely, with or without the same people. Like Tennyson wrote: "'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

    -peachysoo
  • wainrightwainright Posts: 2 Noob
    @Laine
    I can't seem to pinpoint one reason but I guess the best answer I could give you is that me and her don't see eye to eye anymore. We always end up disagreeing and fighting.  We did talk about our relationship and said we'll try to make it work. Somehow we agreed we will be okay but it doesn't feel like it anymore.

    @Aidan
    We've been apart for 2 or 3 years now. I'll try to check out the links you gave. Thank you. Most of our arguments revolve around the choices we make. Other times its her invalidating my feelings. We tried settling these issues but I don't know. Feels like we're hurting each other more.

    @peachysoo
    I've also thought about that. Maybe the relationship just really ran its course. I do appreciate all the memories, even the bad ones. It has helped my growth as a person. I just hate the idea of losing her because I love her so much. I really want to work it out. I do but I don't know where to start or what to do
  • Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 Miniposter
    Hi @Wainright,

    2+ years is a long time to be apart from someone you love, so I'm not surprised it's put a strain on the relationship. It's a lot more difficult to resolve fights and disagreements when you aren't with someone and can't be intimate or affectionate with each other. Also, it's easy to project anger and frustration about not being with them on the other person themselves.

    It sounds like you've both put a lot of effort in to make things work, but the distance seems to be the main issue. If she wants to make it work as much as you do, I think it is possible, but you will probably need to make some sacrifices, both of you, when it comes to choices. Would you be prepared to move? Even temporarily?

    I think in order to move forward, the best thing would be to discuss the possible sacrifices and compromises you'd both be willing to make as this will show you where your priorities lie and whether you're on the same page in how much you both want to make it work.

    The other option is to take a break for a little while until you figure out what you both want. That way, it's not a complete break up. I'm not sure I would have suggested it before, but I've seen that it can work.

    My brother and his girlfriend have been going through a bit of a similar thing recently. They met each other travelling, then lived together abroad, but when they came back to the UK, they were separated by 100s of miles. In the end they decided to have a break and didn't see each other or Skype for 5 months, my brother threw himself into work and spent a lot more time with friends, he said it was better not to have the pressure of trying to maintain a long distance relationship, but that he realised he still wanted to be with her and was willing to make some changes to make it work. Turns out his gf had been doing exactly the same- working more and spending time with friends, but hadn't given up on the relationship. They've now decided to move somewhere together and make a fresh start in the New Year. Maybe you could try a similar approach? Nothing with relationships is ever black and white, even a breakup is never always final. 
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