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Will I ever be ready again?
Former Member
Posts: 7 Confirmed not a robot
About two years ago i was first diagnosed with a mental illness and a little after i got into a relationship. I didnt initially want to be in that relationship but he guilted me so i caved. He stood by me for eight months - the initial eight months of my mental instability. Around month 2 i realized i didnt love him in that way but i loved him as a friend. He was my main support system so i stayed. After i started improving i once again realized i didnt love him that way but i felt that he did so much for me i couldnt leave him. I refused to leave the relationship since i thought i owed him that. Suddenly at the eight month mark he decided to leave. I let him but wanted to be friends. He “took” my offer of being friends. Not really since the day after he agreed to be friends (our only encounter since the breakup) he files a false harassment report with the police. Due to what he said the school and police system saw me as “mentally unstable” (the words of the police officer) and “an extreme threat to the safety of students” (the words of the dean) and i was nearly expelled until i was able to poke holes in his accusation but they still believed him but didnt have the proof needed to fully punish me. In one night he flipped the script and ruined my life and put me through hell and i never got told why. (He also spread a rumor that when he broke up with me i beat him - entirely false but it took a while for literally everyone to figure out he was lying). This happened a year and a half ago but it took nearly 10 months before ANYONE (peers, police, school admin) to believe i wasnt this monster and realize he was lying. I dont have feelings for him anymore but im terrified of being in a relationship again. I get close to dating (have about three times) but i run away with panic attacks because im scared. I cant get better and trust anyone(i dont even trust friends) and its hard. I really like this one guy rn and hes super sweet but im way too scared because i thought my ex was the nicest person ever and he changed overnight. I dont think ill date again for the rest of school (junior in hs) but im worried that a) this is unhealthy and b) if ill ever be better. Advice/comments?
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Comments
Have you talked to anyone about this? It can help to get those emotions out and express your feelings.
You may benefit from some support or counselling if you find its hard to trust anyone, someone can help you with this,
Have you considered talking to your crush? It might help if you get your feelings clear x
I'm so sorry to hear you have been through this
Do you have any friends or family you would be comfortable opening up to about this? It might help to start with someone you know you can trust first. It is easy to keep people at arm's length but it does take strength to let yourself heal and try and move forwards without the past getting in the way - and talking is part of the healing process.
Sending hugs
- Lucy
It sounds like you have had to deal with a lot, thank you for sharing your experience on here. Given that your ex was your main support system through such a difficult time, and that you thought of him as someone who really cared about you, despite you not feeling the same way, I'm not surprised you're finding it difficult to trust after what happened, and also the reaction from your friends. It's not unhealthy at all for you to feel that way. When trust is broken, it's hard to build back up. The truth is that it will take time. If you're not ready to start dating again, there is no pressure. I would say, allow yourself the time to process what happened and enjoy focusing on school/friends until you feel ready. It will come.
It hurt me to read this. No one should have to be put in your situation. What this "friend" did to you is absolutely out of line, especially when they pressured you into the relationship in the first place. I truly don't understand what was running through their mind at the time, but I want to try reassure you that not everyone is like this, and most people do actually have some decency.
As others have said on this, it's very worthwhile to talk to people you know you can trust and rely on about how you feel, or, at the very least, see a professional once more (you may have been discharged, but this doesn't mean you can't go seek help any longer! It's okay to reach out again). If you'd rather not right at this time, you can always open up here or perhaps starting a journal where you can write about what you worry about or how you feel in it can be helpful. It'll take some time, and it'll be really difficult, but you can learn to trust again.
Like Candlestick56 said, there's no rush for you to date again. It's completely fine to take things at your own pace. You shouldn't have to force yourself into things you don't want to do, or feel ready to do at this moment in time, but it would be a shame to completely shut yourself off from people because of one awful person. While no one is perfect, I am sure there are at least a handful of people around you who are willing to support you with no superior motive other than their own good will. I'm not saying you'll never run into horrible people again, but that's an inevitable part of life. You are loved even when you think you aren't.
-peachysoo