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Will I ever be ready again?

olivia_reidolivia_reid Posts: 7 Confirmed not a robot
About two years ago i was first diagnosed with a mental illness and a little after i got into a relationship. I didnt initially want to be in that relationship but he guilted me so i caved. He stood by me for eight months - the initial eight months of my mental instability. Around month 2 i realized i didnt love him in that way but i loved him as a friend. He was my main support system so i stayed. After i started improving i once again realized i didnt love him that way but i felt that he did so much for me i couldnt leave him. I refused to leave the relationship since i thought i owed him that. Suddenly at the eight month mark he decided to leave. I let him but wanted to be friends. He “took” my offer of being friends. Not really since the day after he agreed to be friends (our only encounter since the breakup) he files a false harassment report with the police. Due to what he said the school and police system saw me as “mentally unstable” (the words of the police officer) and “an extreme threat to the safety of students” (the words of the dean) and i was nearly expelled until i was able to poke holes in his accusation but they still believed him but didnt have the proof needed to fully punish me. In one night he flipped the script and ruined my life and put me through hell and i never got told why. (He also spread a rumor that when he broke up with me i beat him - entirely false but it took a while for literally everyone to figure out he was lying). This happened a year and a half ago but it took nearly 10 months before ANYONE (peers, police, school admin) to believe i wasnt this monster and realize he was lying. I dont have feelings for him anymore but im terrified of being in a relationship again. I get close to dating (have about three times) but i run away with panic attacks because im scared. I cant get better and trust anyone(i dont even trust friends) and its hard. I really like this one guy rn and hes super sweet but im way too scared because i thought my ex was the nicest person ever and he changed overnight. I dont think ill date again for the rest of school (junior in hs) but im worried that a) this is unhealthy and b) if ill ever be better. Advice/comments?


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    LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    It's hard to love again when someone has broken that trust we thought we had,  but it's important to know that not all people are that bad and although some of us may have bad experiences, there are still good experiences waiting to be had. 

    Have you talked to anyone about this?  It can help to get those emotions out and express your feelings. 

    You may benefit from some support or counselling if you find its hard to trust anyone, someone can help you with this,

    Have you considered talking to your crush? It might help if you get your feelings clear x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
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    olivia_reidolivia_reid Posts: 7 Confirmed not a robot
    I had a therapist at the time but i was too embarrassed to admit it so i never said anything. Ive since been discharged so i dont really have anyone to talk to
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @olivia_reid

    I'm so sorry to hear you have been through this :pensive: it must have been and still be really hard to lose someone you thought cared about you and for him to break your trust in that way. Totally understand why you are finding it difficult to trust other people - it sounds like the wound hasn't yet been healed. 

    Do you have any friends or family you would be comfortable opening up to about this? It might help to start with someone you know you can trust first. It is easy to keep people at arm's length but it does take strength to let yourself heal and try and move forwards without the past getting in the way - and talking is part of the healing process.

    Sending hugs
    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    Hi @olivia_reid,

    It sounds like you have had to deal with a lot, thank you for sharing your experience on here. Given that your ex was your main support system through such a difficult time, and that you thought of him as someone who really cared about you, despite you not feeling the same way, I'm not surprised you're finding it difficult to trust after what happened, and also the reaction from your friends. It's not unhealthy at all for you to feel that way. When trust is broken, it's hard to build back up. The truth is that it will take time. If you're not ready to start dating again, there is no pressure. I would say, allow yourself the time to process what happened and enjoy focusing on school/friends until you feel ready. It will come.
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    peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Helping Hand
    Hi Olivia,

    It hurt me to read this. No one should have to be put in your situation. What this "friend" did to you is absolutely out of line, especially when they pressured you into the relationship in the first place. I truly don't understand what was running through their mind at the time, but I want to try reassure you that not everyone is like this, and most people do actually have some decency.

    As others have said on this, it's very worthwhile to talk to people you know you can trust and rely on about how you feel, or, at the very least, see a professional once more (you may have been discharged, but this doesn't mean you can't go seek help any longer! It's okay to reach out again). If you'd rather not right at this time, you can always open up here or perhaps starting a journal where you can write about what you worry about or how you feel in it can be helpful. It'll take some time, and it'll be really difficult, but you can learn to trust again.

    Like Candlestick56 said, there's no rush for you to date again. It's completely fine to take things at your own pace. You shouldn't have to force yourself into things you don't want to do, or feel ready to do at this moment in time, but it would be a shame to completely shut yourself off from people because of one awful person. While no one is perfect, I am sure there are at least a handful of people around you who are willing to support you with no superior motive other than their own good will. I'm not saying you'll never run into horrible people again, but that's an inevitable part of life. You are loved even when you think you aren't.

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    honeyxxhoneyxx Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    I can 100000% completely understand your reaction to meeting new people and possibly forming new relationships after something awful like that happening as I am struggling with the exact same. It's really hard to trust after being hurt like that it has such an effect on us mentally and that is understandable and nothing to be ashamed of. You are not alone and although it can feel extremely hard to get yourself out of feeling this way I promise you things can get better. You just need to try and remember that there is more good out there than bad. Everyone above has given you such amazing advice and support and I just want to echo everything they have said. Stay strong you can get over this❤❤
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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,056 Boards Guru
    Thanks for all of your support on this thread everyone. I'm just closing it now as it's an older thread. If anyone would like to discuss a similar topic, feel free to start up a new thread :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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