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Will I ever be ready again?
About two years ago i was first diagnosed with a mental illness and a little after i got into a relationship. I didnt initially want to be in that relationship but he guilted me so i caved. He stood by me for eight months - the initial eight months of my mental instability. Around month 2 i realized i didnt love him in that way but i loved him as a friend. He was my main support system so i stayed. After i started improving i once again realized i didnt love him that way but i felt that he did so much for me i couldnt leave him. I refused to leave the relationship since i thought i owed him that. Suddenly at the eight month mark he decided to leave. I let him but wanted to be friends. He “took” my offer of being friends. Not really since the day after he agreed to be friends (our only encounter since the breakup) he files a false harassment report with the police. Due to what he said the school and police system saw me as “mentally unstable” (the words of the police officer) and “an extreme threat to the safety of students” (the words of the dean) and i was nearly expelled until i was able to poke holes in his accusation but they still believed him but didnt have the proof needed to fully punish me. In one night he flipped the script and ruined my life and put me through hell and i never got told why. (He also spread a rumor that when he broke up with me i beat him - entirely false but it took a while for literally everyone to figure out he was lying). This happened a year and a half ago but it took nearly 10 months before ANYONE (peers, police, school admin) to believe i wasnt this monster and realize he was lying. I dont have feelings for him anymore but im terrified of being in a relationship again. I get close to dating (have about three times) but i run away with panic attacks because im scared. I cant get better and trust anyone(i dont even trust friends) and its hard. I really like this one guy rn and hes super sweet but im way too scared because i thought my ex was the nicest person ever and he changed overnight. I dont think ill date again for the rest of school (junior in hs) but im worried that a) this is unhealthy and b) if ill ever be better. Advice/comments?
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