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How do you talk to your partner about contraception?

AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 2,920 Boards Guru
edited June 2018 in Sex & Relationships

Hey everyone,

Talking about contraception before having sex can make the whole thing go a lot smoother. But starting that conversation can be a bit awkward. So how can you kick things off before things get intimate?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts!

- Aife
Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤


  • jadeharris98jadeharris98 Posts: 1 Just got here

    This can be a really awkward conversation to have no matter what the situation. Even if you're in a relationship with the person, or if it's just a 'one time' thing, contraception is really important, and it shouldn't always be the girl's responsibility. That's what I've learnt from experience. 

    I've been on the pill since the age of 13, purely for the sake of controlling my periods, but then at the age of 16 I got my first boyfriend and at 17 I lost my virginity, which talking about contraception was embarrassing for me, but luckily he brought his own protection. 

    I'm now 19 years old and since being with my new boyfriend we've had a lot of scary experiences regarding contraception. I was on the rigevidon pill when we first got together so luckily I knew I was okay if we were to have sex. However, during the two years before meeting him, I realised I was allergic to latex, which is what condoms are made of, so I couldn't actually use these condoms without coming out in a reaction. So explaining this to my boyfriend was quite embarrassing, but we've always had sex without using condoms. 

    Recently I've suffered really bad migraines and had to come off my pill and change to a new one called cerelle. I'd never used this pill before so my doctor advised me to take a weeks break from my rigevidon pill and then take the new pill a week later. This meant that over the last few weeks I've been completely unprotected from pregnancy.

    Contraception has been a really important topic for me over the last few weeks. I knew I would be having sex with my boyfriend, and I also knew I was unprotected as I was on a break from my pill. We had sex a few days after I had started my week break from the pill, meaning I had to get the morning after pill. This meant that bringing up condoms was a topic that needed talking about. When I told my boyfriend I was allergic to latex and had to buy 'non-latex' condoms he thought it was dodgy, but luckily agreed. It was really awkward for me, but we managed to sit down and talk about it because it was either paying a little extra for these 'non-latex' condoms, or paying a lot more towards a child for the rest of our lives, and not being prepared for a child that can be avoided whilst we're still young ourselves. Before carrying on, I want to say I have nothing against teenage pregnancies and I would be happy if I did have a baby now, but I would much rather wait a few more years! 

    To summarise all this up, you just need to make sure that you feel you can talk to the person involved and make sure that they understand the situation. Explain that you can either use contraception, or you can risk STI's and pregnancy, which can be extremely scary, especially if you're only young yourself. Girls, if you're on the pill, explain that, make sure they know you're on the pill. If you want to use extra protection, such as condoms, again, tell them, and if they refuse to use them, don't feel pressured into going through with it. If you have an allergy to latex, try 'Skyn' non latex ones, explain you're allergic and make them understand. Contraception is a normal thing and should never be an awkward or embarrassing topic to talk about. It's protection against pregnancy and STI's, which NEED to be spoken about. 

    I know I've wrote quite a lot, but I hope this makes people feel less awkward and embarrassed about talking about this topic. 

    - Jade 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,289 Skive's The Limit
    Think just be straight foward with the questions to aviod awkwardness cause yeah it shouldnt have be awkward. And talk about contraceptive options with each other, unless wanna get pregnant. Also aviod sti. Think not only is it healthy and safe thing to talk about but healthy for the realtionship and may bring them closer and would both feel better for talking about it. — And think knowing that - could make it less awkward. And If someone is comfortable enough to have sex with them, should end up being comfortable enough to talk about contraception, and could think roughly in advance on what they wanna talk about. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Being straight forward I feel is the easiest approach.

    It's very important as although I Myself(a Female) can figure out contraception and keep myself protected, condoms are definitely important in new untested rrelationships and that can often fall to the man. 

    My best advice for both sexes is:

    For women or people with feminine sex organs: Read about what contraceptions there are out there and find one that suits you. It's very important that you're happy with it and know it will work best for you. Once you choose one that suits you remember everything important about it(what medications interfere with it,  if it's a tablet when to take it Ect)  as far as talking about it with your partner, just tell them what you have started taking, it's effectiveness and anything important about it ect. It may even be beneficial to get their help(for instance, when I was on the pill I got my partner to help remind me when to take it in case I forgot and to take the pressure off my Anxiety)
    In regards to condoms, whether you want to use them for sti protection or an extra barrier of pregnancy protection alongside your contraception. It's important to talk them about it and ensure they listen. Tell them why it's a good idea to use one, why you want to,  how stis or unwanted pregnancys are prevented with this simple method and definitely worth it, how it won't kill them(unless they're allergic to latex, if which case get latex free ones!) and if they're still unsure or making excuses quite simply say "if you don't wear one I won't have sex with you" your body is important and although wearing condoms ain't down to you, you can still have a say in it too. 

    As for males or people with male sex organs:
    Condoms are very important in new untested relationships, they can be used as a method of pregnancy protection either alongside something else or alone(i'm not someone who would rely on them alone personally but they're better than nothing)  they are extremely important in regards to sti protection and that falls on you to protect both you and your partner. Yes they can be uncomfortable but getting the right size will combat this, it's definitely more important to protect yourself and respect your partners wishes then to get rid of a little discomfort. 

    All in all, will talking about contraception before sex put a damper on things? Yeah probably which is why it's a good thing to do so before hand, but if is spur of the moment, have the conversation, there's no reason why you can't get in the mood again! Foreplay does exist x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

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