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I struggle with life....
Former Member
Posts: 7 Confirmed not a robot
THIs is my first post on this website so I want to get it all out there. I'm hoping anybody going through what I am can help me because honestly I don't know waht to do. So here goes........
Hi. My name is Ben
I am 18 and I am currently attending a college. My problems started around September 2017. I had just recieved my AS results and they weren't good. After about 2 weeks of decision making, me and my parents decided that I had to move schools to different course and making up the work to amount to an A-level would be too much for me.
I would say I am of average intelligence when it comes to school but when It comes to socialilising I suck. I have always struggled to make friends in the past but I had managed it. But now after a year of making friends and getting comfortable in my school I had to make my own decision to leave. And this hit me hard. Moving school is a natural thing and I get that and saying goodbye to people was always hard but natural. But the idea of me leaving becase I had decided was heartbreaking.
Anyway, I had moved school and occasionally I had found time to visit my old school and my friends to say hi but it never felt the same. It felt as if they had formed their own friends group in the time that I had been gone. This was by no means their fault and I am not blaming them but it hurt a lot. To add to this feeling of lonliness, at my new school I was only alble to make 2 friends. I have always been a bit of an outcast in schools and generally an introvert but I really did try. The school itself is not a bad one but every time i went there I always felt terrible. Overtime, by lack of interest in the school came into my assignments and work. My parent would read the assignments and notice that it read as if I had given up. And I had. And this showed everywhere. I had lost interest in doing anything I had once enjoyed. I do things because I had to and that was it. NO interest, no jiy in anything.
Around the time of writing this thread (thanks for reading this long. Appreciate it), my school had their last day. I could see snapchats videos of everyone having a fun time, taking pictures, laughing and enjoying themselves. And a ball of dread formed inside of me. I had never felt so alone in my life. I had to go in the back around my school and cry. I have never openly cried in school before but this just hit me so hard. I started thinking thought like I was going to die alone and I didn't deserve that level of happiness anyway. I met up with some friends form the school later that day to see them together one last time but I didn't tell them how I felt. I couldn't put that on them. Not It's near exam season I and now these feelings have welled up again. They're all going to university this year and leaving be behind. For the past month I have felt terrible and I hate it.
And my parents see it too. And thats the worst thing about it. My mum tells me that she just want be to be happy and I honest to God believe that. But I don't know how to be happy. I hate seeing my parents like this because I know it's my fault. I've lost all interest in everything and I have referred myself to a therapist becaus eI know I need help. I'm also writing because I was referred to this. And I am honesy hoping someone here can help me because I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if I need to suffer this way and mre but I don't know why. This past year has been terrible for me and I just want some help.. ANybody who has anything, please do not hesitate to give advise because it is all welcome.
Thank you for reading this long. I really appreciate it. I know it's a lot for my first post but I just wanted to get it all out there. I ope someone out there can help me please. Thank you
Hi. My name is Ben
I am 18 and I am currently attending a college. My problems started around September 2017. I had just recieved my AS results and they weren't good. After about 2 weeks of decision making, me and my parents decided that I had to move schools to different course and making up the work to amount to an A-level would be too much for me.
I would say I am of average intelligence when it comes to school but when It comes to socialilising I suck. I have always struggled to make friends in the past but I had managed it. But now after a year of making friends and getting comfortable in my school I had to make my own decision to leave. And this hit me hard. Moving school is a natural thing and I get that and saying goodbye to people was always hard but natural. But the idea of me leaving becase I had decided was heartbreaking.
Anyway, I had moved school and occasionally I had found time to visit my old school and my friends to say hi but it never felt the same. It felt as if they had formed their own friends group in the time that I had been gone. This was by no means their fault and I am not blaming them but it hurt a lot. To add to this feeling of lonliness, at my new school I was only alble to make 2 friends. I have always been a bit of an outcast in schools and generally an introvert but I really did try. The school itself is not a bad one but every time i went there I always felt terrible. Overtime, by lack of interest in the school came into my assignments and work. My parent would read the assignments and notice that it read as if I had given up. And I had. And this showed everywhere. I had lost interest in doing anything I had once enjoyed. I do things because I had to and that was it. NO interest, no jiy in anything.
Around the time of writing this thread (thanks for reading this long. Appreciate it), my school had their last day. I could see snapchats videos of everyone having a fun time, taking pictures, laughing and enjoying themselves. And a ball of dread formed inside of me. I had never felt so alone in my life. I had to go in the back around my school and cry. I have never openly cried in school before but this just hit me so hard. I started thinking thought like I was going to die alone and I didn't deserve that level of happiness anyway. I met up with some friends form the school later that day to see them together one last time but I didn't tell them how I felt. I couldn't put that on them. Not It's near exam season I and now these feelings have welled up again. They're all going to university this year and leaving be behind. For the past month I have felt terrible and I hate it.
And my parents see it too. And thats the worst thing about it. My mum tells me that she just want be to be happy and I honest to God believe that. But I don't know how to be happy. I hate seeing my parents like this because I know it's my fault. I've lost all interest in everything and I have referred myself to a therapist becaus eI know I need help. I'm also writing because I was referred to this. And I am honesy hoping someone here can help me because I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if I need to suffer this way and mre but I don't know why. This past year has been terrible for me and I just want some help.. ANybody who has anything, please do not hesitate to give advise because it is all welcome.
Thank you for reading this long. I really appreciate it. I know it's a lot for my first post but I just wanted to get it all out there. I ope someone out there can help me please. Thank you
0
Comments
Hi @Past User,
First of all, welcome to The Mix! It’s really great that you feel comfortable sharing everything you’ve been going through with us. It sounds like you’ve had a really rough time adjusting to your new school. Saying goodbyes and moving school are a natural part of life as you said, but I know it doesn’t make it any less difficult to deal with. Although you’re not taking the same path as your friends, it sounds like you and your parents really thought about the change and made a decision that was best for you.
It’s great that you have already looked into getting professional help as well – have you gotten any information about when you might be able to meet someone, or have you already been in contact with someone? In the meantime, do you think The Mix’s group chats might be helpful? We have group chats most nights where you can either talk about less serious things in General chat or talk about whatever you’re feeling in Support chat. Talking to the community might help you get some emotional support while look into therapy. It’s also a great way to socialise with other people.
Even though you may not have the same group of friends at your new school as you had before, it’s good to hear that you made two new friends! Making new friends can be really difficult but it sounds like you have been really trying to put yourself out there. Do you think they are people you can see yourself becoming closer with in the future? Do you also feel like you could stay in touch with the friends from your old school this summer before they go away to university?
I want to assure you that you’re not alone in these feelings – a lot of people move schools, and it’s totally normal to feel lonely and unmotivated while you’re dealing with everything. But you’ve already made some good first steps coming to The Mix’s forums and looking into a therapist. Feel free to look more into our group chats if you feel like that will be helpful.
Best,
Greta
Thank you for the support. I am looking into setting up some appointments with a theripist to further talk about my problems. And yes, I do plan on somehow staying inn contact with my friends from my old school.
I do hate feeling this was as I have lost all feeling in everything which I used to be interested in. It is terrible being like this as although I was sad about leaving my school, I did enjoy aspects of my life
I am hoping that anyboy who reads this and is going through the same type of thing.
It would be really helpful.
(im so sorry if ive rambled!)
Although i havent moved school, i do empathaisis with you. With the fact that it sounds like you feel your friends are moving on with their lives without you? -going to uni ect. Im 19 and people i knew/ friends all went to Uni while i feel like my life is on standstill and watching others have these what Seems like ‘great’ lives & i just feel soo alone. As painful as it feels - these sort of things are part of life and not alone with how youre feeling! Understandly all v hard tho.
But i feel like at some points we all want to stick with the same friends, - get comfortable with them, dont want new friends as wont be the same & you understandably miss your friends. Although you can still try your best to keep in contact with all your friends. — I think its important to be very open minded with the fact - there more opirtunities for you - even if this year is not the year youre going uni - there are future things you can look forward to too. Also many future oportunities to make new friends. Youre still young. You said you made two new friends - that is really great in its self. It takes time to form as meanful friendship tho.
i know that alone/v empty yet so heavy sinking feeling - when you see others having great time socialising - on social media without you. But important to remeber social media doesnt show us everything- in reality they could also feel completly alone. It can be damaging to compare our lives with others - but reality is - (as cringy as sounds) - were all on different jounerys, taking different routes and its okay youre not doing what everyone else is doing just yet. You have to focus on what your personal aims are. Things get in the way and its not always planned but will get there.
Even if you feel alone, youre not alone with how youre feeling @Past User and i really hope your therapist can help you
So sorry if that was so much ramble and not helpful
take care!