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Do i stay when i feel so bad?

123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate

So, since October 2017 we have had a year 9 student help at Brownies on Fri evening that I help at and have done for 3yrs now on a volunteering basis. Brownies is a group of girls that meet up of primary age to play games and do activities together. Anyway, to start off with I got on with this student who came to help, she was doing it as part of an award which was meant to last 3 months. Anyway, she has decided to continue coming and it has caused some problems for me.

It got to a stage when I have felt she has being controlling me and being forceful. I’m not going into details about what happened, but it has got to a stage at times when I am close to losing my temper with her at times and I don’t know if I feel I can continue.

It has been brought to my attention that many of the Brownies feel the same about the student helper and they have told me at times that they have felt like leaving and me being there is the only thing keeping them from coming.  I feel bad because I know we are going to lose Brownies if the main leader doesn’t do anything about it as I am close to leaving if things don’t improve. I have passed this on to the Brownie leader and she has said she will talk to me, but she hasn’t yet approached the subject with me. I feel that most of the brownies feel the same way of me and I have been approached from many of them that states they are feeling like this. I feel they need to talk to the Brownie leader about it, but I don’t think they will and until they do I feel the brownie leader won’t do anything about it because she can lose me and get another helper, but she won’t have been able to have a brownie group if she keeps losing them which I fear is going to happen.

What shall I do in this situation?

 I can’t stand being unhappy at Brownies and it also really annoys me when Brownies come to me and explain how they feel about this brownie helper because I just feel there isn’t much I can do because I feel they need to tell the Brownie leader and I don’t think any of them have the confidence to.

Advice appreciated



  • SevenSeven Posts: 58 Boards Initiate
    Hey Lozza, 

    This is a really good thing to bring up, as a lot of people can start to feel this way, but will never say anything about it, which isn't really healthy. 

    It sounds like you have definitely done the right thing by escalating it to the Brownie leader. Perhaps it is worth following up with them to see if anything is being done, or learning how they still feel about the situation?

    It's really heartwarming to see that you care so much about the Brownies that you are willing to stick with them when you aren't enjoying it very much. At the end of the day, you need to follow your heart (cringy I know); if your heart isn't in something then eventually you will burn out.

    I hope this helps a little. All the best!

  • 123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate

    Hi @Seven.

    Thanks for your reply. I have tried saying something to the brownie leader through email, but she is yet to speak to me about it in person as its hard when the other helper isn’t around. I contacted the leader after my brownie meeting tonight (the brownie leader wasn’t there tonight so we had another helper) explaining how I feel still and the fact that the brownies are feeling the same and that I need to speak to her before the brownie meeting next week. Yeah, I care about the brownies and I know if I go that some of them will probably follow and then there won’t be a brownie group if they don’t have enough. I know I need to do what’s right for me and if things don’t improve then I will be leaving at the end of this term so in July.

    Thanks for the advice

    Anymore advice would be much appreciated

  • SevenSeven Posts: 58 Boards Initiate
    Hey Lozza!

    It's nice to hear that you've got good communication with them. Nothing would change without some open dialogue! Hopefully we can trust in them to listen to the opinions of their volunteers, it sounds like a lot of you are on the same page. 

    Stay strong! You work there sounds like it's really helping the young people there :)
  • 123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate

    Hi Seven.

    Thanks for the reply. I had to contact the brownie leader because it got to a stage when I no longer want to go because of how the other leader is during a brownie session. I had brownies tonight and the brownie leader didn’t say anything to me and it was the same today where the younger leader took control again. I have rung the brownie leader tonight and left her a message for her to ring me back, so we can discuss about brownies cause I’m close to leaving but I don’t feel I can because it means some of the brownies will end up leaving too because I’m the only one keeping some of them there!!! So right now, nothing seems to have changed and it is really annoying me too be honest. I love helping at Brownies cause most of the brownies love me being there, but I just can’t stand one of the brownie helpers and I know a lot of the brownies feel the same. If things don’t improve soon I will be leaving although I feel I don’t want to for the sake of the other brownies.

  • TheAprilFoolTheAprilFool Posts: 187 Helping Hand
    Is there any way you can get some more people to complain about the other helper who is causing the issues? I know that you said that they probably won't go to the Brownie leader, but is there a way you could at least get them to write down how they feel so that you can show the leader to prove that you're not alone in feeling this way about the other helper. 

    If not, is there anyone else that you can talk to this about? If the leader won't do anything, then it might be worth talking to someone higher up.
  • 123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
    Hi TheAprilFool
    Thanks for the message. I am hoping when Brownies starts again in a couple of weeks that the other brownie helper wont be there. she hasn't been at the sessions since I said something to the brownie leader so im hoping something has been done. if it hasn't been done that I will do what u suggest and make sure some of the brownies say something or I will go to someone higher up.
  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    To start with well don't for volunteering for a Brownies group :)

    You have been there longer than her, try to be firm and tell her what behaviour is acceptable and what is unacceptable. Its good you told the leader, and good that brownies tell you how they are feeling. The brownies clearly trust you which is a wonderful thing as they look up to you. Could you as the leader for a private meeting? Then you could bring up the issues you and the brownies are having, you could even pass on some of the things you have been told by the younger brownies and how they might leave due to this year 9's behaviour. 

    Another thing you could try is calling up the Brownies leader in your region, who leads all the groups in the county, explain to them how this Year 9 is making you and the Brownies feel. You might be able to find their contact info on the Brownies website and report the behaviour to someone higher up. 

    You shouldn't have to leave just because of someone elses unfriendly behaviour. 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • 123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
    To Eyepatch
    Thanks for the reply
    I`ve been volunteering at the Brownie group for 3yrs now.
    I have been longer then the other brownie helper but that doesn't seem to make a difference to how she behaves around me and towards the brownies. yeh I've spoken to the brownie leader about how I feel and also how some of the other brownies have felt. yeh the brownies have trust me and im hoping that the ones who have told me how they felt since the year 9 has started helping is still there when we start again in a few weeks time and that they haven't left because of her!! if the year 9 helper is still there when we start in September then I will mention it again because I actually dread going back but before she started I loved going to every session. 
     I am hoping it wont be necessary to speak to other Brownie leaders about it, im hoping it will be sorted when we start again in a few weeks time.
    I don't want to leave because I know how much some of the brownies appreciate me helping there and how much ive helped them and I have been the only reason for some of them to stay!! 
    Nice quote.
  • 123lozza123123lozza123 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
    Hi all. So I had brownies again on Friday (the first one since the holidays) and unfortunately the student helper that I  don't get along with is still helping out and its making me not wanting to go back because of her attitude still. I have already spoken to the brownie leader and nothing has been done and I don't see what else I can do because I want to still go because some of the brownies have said they will go if I go and I don't want that to happen but at the same time I don't feel happy going anymore. 
    All advice needed thanks x
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